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Original poster

Living with my partner

16 replies

Paige124 · 02/08/2015 15:39

Please can someone give me some advice.
I have been living with my partner for just over 2 years now, it is his house and he has never wanted me to pay towards it, however we have decided to sell it and get a house together, therefore I thought my name would be on the mortgage and I would help pay it as much as I can. Until the other day we were talking and he told me my name can't be on the Mortage because I have a 0 hour contract, I'm not sure if they will allow me anyway, where do I stand now? If this is true I won't have any rights to that house, he wants me to pay council tax and water rates for the property and use my money to live on. My main worry is I have no security that if anything was to happen to him like if he was to die I would be left with nothing. If we were to break up I wouldn't be intitled to anything, I understand that I could leave him and half of the house but if it was 3 years down the line I would understand for him not to give me anything, but if I live with him for 10 years And pay what he says I'm not going to have much spare money to save up if anything goes go bad, and I don't want to think like that! We have a good relationship and even have started to try for a baby but now I have lost all excitement in finding a house for us as technically it isn't going to be mine at all, hope this makes sense

OP posts:

tvlover1234 · 02/08/2015 15:45

I don't know how you've not paid a penny for 2 years. That'd madness.

Not sure on 0 hour contract if your name can be put down but if it was and he died it would Be downto youto meet the mortgage payments. Could you afford That??

skibeauty · 02/08/2015 16:38

You can be added to the mortgage but just as non contributing, so anything you did earn wouldn't be taken into account when deciding on how much mortgage to lend you. My friends have just done this, her partner is self employed with only 1 year of accounts most mortgage companies require 3 years....So they have based the mortgage on her salary, he is on the mortgage so they both own the house but they only need to see her proof of income. He will be contributing to the bills mortgage etc but on paper he isn't. So its about the same for you...you can be on the mortgage.

RedDaisyRed · 02/08/2015 17:15

Yes unless you are such a bad credit risk with bad debts that the lender will not let you go near any kind of loan.

Also if he marries you then you would be fine but obviously he doesn't want to or he would have proposed.

Also he can make a will leaving you the house if he dies of course and he could do that for the current and the new property if that is his wish. Or when you earn more and get promotions you could also buy a separate buy to let property yourself and also make sure he cannot get his filthy mitts on it! What is sauce for the goose is sauce for teh gander. One reason I won't move a man in here is I want all my assets going to the children including the house, every last penny, nothing to any partner.

Zillie77 · 02/08/2015 17:19

How would you be living if you weren't with him? Wouldn't you be paying rent, so this is not much different?

That having been said, if you are considering taking the huge leap of having a child together, it would make sense for you to discuss options like marriage, writing of wills, joint ownership, etc.

tvlover1234 · 02/08/2015 17:24

Red I can't stop laughing at your bluntness.

He may not want to propose just yet, there is hope.

Sal1977 · 02/08/2015 17:27

You can have a 'deed of trust' drawn up which means you have rights should you split up or he dies etc.

Say you buy a house for £100k. Your DP puts a £10k deposit down and you don't put anything into the deposit. You then equally pay towards the 'house' and your joint living expenses. The deed of trust will state that when you sell the property, after the mortgage and related costs have been paid,your DP will get his £10k and then any profit left over will be split between you 50/50 or whatever split you decide between you.

The document will cost you about £100 through your solicitor or conveyancer.

RedDaisyRed · 02/08/2015 17:48

A lot of us (men and women) will not propose or accept a proposal specifically because we do not want the other person to have a call on our assets. I have had my children and I don'twant a new lover or partner having any of what is left after I paid out to my children's father on our divorce.

i agree that a deed is trust is possible. Also if he puts you on the mortgage and deeds you can at the Land Registry now set out the % eg you 20% he 80% or whatever % couples agree.

PoundingTheStreets · 05/08/2015 23:48

Unless, as Red says, your inclusion on the mortgage will end up increasing the cost of the mortgage, your DP is talking rubbish. How does he think SAHPs end up on mortgages? Truth is that your DP doesn't want you to have a claim on any property he has an investment in.

It is quite common for one partner to put in more money than another and there are ways of protecting this. It's quite possible for him to include you on the mortgage while also safeguarding any deposit he puts in and any future equity can be split proportionate to the contribution made.

Either he's ignorant of this, or he has reasons for not wanting to involve you. Either way, you need to have a good long chat about it. An alternative is that any contribution you would have made had the mortgage been in both your names you simply put to one side and invest in your own name only.

Kiwiinkits · 05/08/2015 23:55

Why do you accept a 0 hour contract? That's the source of your issues! Go and renegotiate your contract!!! Ask for certainty over your working hours otherwise you'll leave for somewhere better.

I think 0 hour contracts are total exploitation. You're being exploited by your employer and you're worth more than that.

elizalovelacey · 06/08/2015 11:23

I am a sahm to my kids, not my dh kids but Im on our morgage and deeds though Ive never brought a penny in so hes talking rubbish Im affraid.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 06/08/2015 12:48

It's perfectly possible to apply for a joint mortgage when you're on a zero-hours contract. The difficulty is that your income would probably not be considered when the application is made it would just be based on their earnings alone.

Joint-mortgage with a Deed of Trust to protect your partner's deposit if your partner needs to protect it. Either cash-value or as a percentage of the purchase-price.

Never, EVER pay towards someone else's mortgage without your name on the deeds! And that means paying Council Tax and/or utilities/grocery-shopping/anything else in lieu. If things went to shit later on you could legally claim that you'd been contributing towards the mortgage-payments but in reality it would cost you money to persuade a court of it.

Anyone who wants to live with an apparently equal long-term partner and not have them on the mortgage has questionable values. To put it mildly.

"He wants me to pay council tax and water rates for the property and use my money to live on"

This indicates to me that he'd be happy to receive your financial contribution to your total living-costs but not give you any security in return. You are life-partners not bloody flat-mates! He may have phrased his position poorly, so you need to be crystal-clear about precisely what he means. Until then, no new property and absolutely no kids!

achieve6 · 06/08/2015 12:51

are you listening to yourself?

he wants to take your money to live on but not ensure that the property is joint?

Why on earth are you with this man?

Kiwiinkits · 07/08/2015 05:56

Until then, no new property and absolutely no kids!
I agree wholeheartedly. Of course, marriage would sort all of this out. And having that conversation would probably tell you if he was into having you around long term, or just around long enough to help him pay the bills.

Living together unmarried is quite like a 0 hour contract. Be available for service, provide services when needed, be discarded when finished with, achieve no security for investment in personal asset base.

specialsubject · 09/08/2015 18:00

now THERE is some very sensible advice. Should be in big letters at the top of the relationships board.

no-one is saying 'marry on the third date' but you need to ask why a marriage isn't planned. And that's a marriage, not a wedding.

Frenchpeaches · 11/08/2015 10:43

I'm with Red. Bitter, it's just not that simple for couples who come together later with children from previous relationships, with one owning a house and the other not, etc.

I own my house. DP pays half of all utility bills, TV, phone, council tax (which we'd each expect to do, whoever owned the house). He pays half the interest part of the mortgage (not capital, which I pay because it's my asset). This and his bills share equate to a set amount, and we have a lodger agreement in place covering this. This works for us - we're both happy and think it's fair. I keep my asset. He has the freedom to put some money away if he has it/wants to.

What's different in your scenario is that you sound like you're starting out, pre-children, and you may have his child, and this may mean being on reduced income for a time (maternity leave/working reduced hours). And so while I think it's equitable to pay half of house-related costs when both earning reasonably well, if you're off work with his baby, he should be paying your share.

If you were renting, you'd have to pay council tax, water rates, etc, whilst not owning the property. I don't see why you feel you should have a claim to the property if you're paying these (whilst not on a mortgage)?

There's some good advice up-thread about marriage, trusts, mortgages with your work contract, etc, which I don't know about (not relevant to our circumstances). For if I die, we have good protection in place to ensure DP and all the kids can continue living in the house, while retaining the asset for my children.

newmumwithquestions · 13/08/2015 07:40

I've done this several ways over the years and agree with your apprehension about paying for someone else's mortgage. When I first moved in with my partner he didn't want to buy together (I could have easily paid half a mortgage but had nowhere near enough deposit to buy on my own whereas he had enough to buy on his own) so I agreed to move in with him in his place but wouldn't pay his mortgage. I stand by that decision. He wasn't ready to commit emotionally so I wasn't about to help him financially. I did pay my way with bills etc, but made sure they were in joint names. Eventually we bought together and he ended up putting more into the property but we made sure that it was jointly owned rather than 50/50 shared - this gives you slightly more rights if anything happens to one of you. We have made decisions over the years to keep him in his job whilst I was more flexible about changing mine which has meant a few pay cuts at times - so as far as I'm concerned our incomes should be (and now are) joint and shared.

However to give your OH the benefit of the doubt it may be simple confusion - after all he has been supporting you for the last 2 years which shows a form of being willing to share financially. If I were you I'd insist on the mortgage being in both names - as other posters have said this is perfectly possible even if the loan ratio doesn't consider your income.
Oh and try to negotiate your work contract. This is very hard to do but if you go in with a request and explanation that you want to buy a property they can only say no. In which case look for another employer that values you more highly.

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