Overdrawn.....again :(

[spancake]

Ok, I'm crap with money, I know it, I admit it, and I'm always bloody overdrawn (in an agreed/planned overdraft). Now I'm up to the neck in it by the tune of £1800... To cut a long story short, my husband doesn't know and he wants me credit free for 3 months so we can get a mortgage, he says I have to be in positive balance for 3 months so I'm screwed. Any ideas for getting some cash together quick?

Dh and I get paid to the joint account, pay all the bills, try to save a bit for a rainy day and then get an amount of spending money each - this is equal.

We put all food, petrol, ds stuff/family stuff on a credit card that we pay off in full each month so the joint account is only for set expenses.

It seems fair to me, we've been doing it that way for years. It saves arguments over spending on entertainment stuff and clothes as that's our own money to spend as we wish.

So to be clear, you earn less but pay more than 50% of the household costs, if all of ds' costs come out of your salary?

What is the ratio of your salary to your H's?

I get really confused when these posts appear. I don't get that some couples don't share, live equally?
My dh earns 80% more than me but the money is ours. My DS was 3 when we met, he's ours now no questions of what he needs.
I'm sorry but IMO, your dh needs a reality check on how family's with children work. Good luck with that.

annie whats to be confused about? my DH keeps saying he doesn't want to share my larger salary in a formal way by having a joint account - hes happy we are open with each other about our spending habits.

Reading the OP my first impression was that you need to sort your finances out. However, subsequent postings make it clear that the family's approach to finances needs to be sorted. If you share a life, you need to share finance...certainly fr the joint major costs...mortgage, utilities, childcare and other child costs etc. When I wasn't working, DH paid the mortgage. Now I earn about the same as him, we both out the same into the joint account. When he was between jobs, I put in more... His approach is unreasonable. Not sure how crap you are with money...is it just due to him not splitting things fairly, or are you extravagant?

OP and juggling - you can share bills AND have your own account to spend as you wish you know. There isn't an all or nothing. But there is fair. And your situations are shockingly unfair.

I'm betting if your roles were reversed your respective dh's would be quick enough to point out that they earn less so should should't pay as much towards bills and dc expenses. But the little woman has to suffer the indignity of being overdrawn and thinking she is crap with money. When in all likelihood she isn't, she's being kept that way.

I don't understand how married ( or indeed unmarried) committed couples "lend" each other money???? Dp earns twice what I do, we share all our money, I spend what I want to, in fact I spend more on me that he does on him.

I should add that my DH does pay the mortgage and more bills than me. But I work p/t, earn less, it's just that I end up spending a lot of what I do have on DS.

It works for us.

Though I do know that he has money squirrelled away that he's not entirely honest about, so I don't fret that I'm in a bit more debt than he realises!

Ultimately it is all the same pot yes, and if we were ever up shit creek DH would have to dip into those secret savings.

OP is in that situation now I suppose and so yes, should probably confront her DH on it if she's feeling brave enough.

I do know what it's like to live with a man who is very tight though, it can be very scary just discussing finances, let alone admitting to debt.

But it doesn't work for you - you don't have equal spending power. You're married though so fortunately British law recognises that there is one single pot of money, even if your dh, and OP's dh don't!

If you weren't married you'd be screwed though.

Not everyone wants a joint account titchy I personally would hate having my dh audit my spending (and he would!) Some people are good with money and others not. (My DH is a saver but I am a spender). I too have a 'secret' overdraft, he knows it's there but not how much and I know if I needed him to he'd pay it off. But I feel that it was my money mismanagement that led to it (all non essential bits for me and dc) and I don't want him to redirect savings to my debt. Yes it may sound mad, but that is how I feel. Conversely my friend has a DH who's been made bankrupt twice and consequently has no access to joint funds. If he did, she would most likely be homeless. Different strokes for different folks, it's not always abuse. Altho agree OP should sort out the allocation of expenses.

I have my own account too! But we also have a joint account for bills and pay into it an amount that leaves us with equal spending money.

And yes I'd hate my dh auditing my spending, and I've never quite understood what couples with just one joint account do about buying presents for each other - I'm sure I'd be a bit resentful if dh spent OUR money on something expensive for my birthday. Spending HIS money on the other hand....

Sounds very normal titchy and exactly the sort of arrangement DH and I had before I made the completely mental decision to be a SAHM mum... I think my point was that some people are funny about money, myself included. I have freelance work which gives me independence but I like to keep the amount to myself. DH however is v honest with everything he brings in.