How to split finances with DP (unusual situation)

[fourlegstwolegs]

We have a small child together. DP stays with me 4 nights per week incl weekends, at his own place 3 nights. He will move in with me next year when we get married and rent his flat out.
I own my place outright and pay all the bills. It's really old and inefficient so it costs a lot to run and takes a lot of maintenance. I never have any disposable income as a result but I love living here!
He contributes 50% of the costs of the car we own, and 50% of child related costs. He occasionally does a grocery shop (about 1 in 3). When we go out (rarely) he pays for the three of us but grumbles sometimes that he thinks I should pay too.
Through my job I get invited to all sorts of events and he usually gets to come too, for free.
Do you think he should contribute more now? And when we are married and living in my place, what should he contribute then?
It's an awkward subject and I don't want to seem greedy but I sort of think he should be doing more than he is.
He has a good job and earns about 3 times what I do.
Thank you in advance :)

When you are married and have a child together, you should both have equal money to spend on yourselves.

You will need to discuss housing and child-related and savings etc, such that you both have equal amounts to do with as you wish.

He stay with you 4 nights a week and grumbles about the rare occassion you all go out as a family despite earning 3x what you do and not kicking in anything towards his stay at yours?

PLEASE stop with the 'I don't want to seem greedy' mentality before you marry this skinflint. He will have even more money coming in when he rents his flat out.

Don't impoverish yourself or your life for a man.

Depending on why you don't live together yet, I'd be looking for more than 50% of paid childcare now. Because, by virtue of him not living with you, presumably he doesn't do 50% of the "unpaid" (I.e parental!) childcare?? I.e there's probably childcare you're having to pay for, just because there's only one parent at home?

Re the house when he moves in - presumably you're going to have to jointly plan the assets and income, you'll have between you one property you all live in which has no mortgage and one property which is rented out. That could very easily be weighted in his favour if you don't sort it out "fairly.".

And that's all before you take into account him earning three times as much as you and whether all money is then "family money".

He's lovely in every other way so I do want to resolve this! He isn't unreasonable if made to see sense.

Don't marry unless you agree to protect your assets separately

Then you pool all money and run the house you live in out of that pool - what's left over you divide it

A lot of marriages don't last - you're both in the fortunate position of having separate assets that you can keep separate

All money in a family pot and you've needs to spend it for the family does. Married 17 years and neither of us have another bank account just one joint account.
He should be prepared to consider this. And after you are married it's not 'your place' it's 'our place'.
Are you sure you want to get married?

Whoever not you've

If he's reasonable, then he'll see it's perfectly sensible to consider "family finances" which takes into account the vagaries of joint responsibility of a child, two properties, no mortgage, rental income, living as a family (e.g. Social life, food, holidays) and salary differences.

Is he going to take the child out for a day-trip on his own if you can't afford it?

Then he needs to realise he's being a cheapskate.

I definitely want to get married but yes, there will be some kind of prenup whereby the assets we owned before marriage remain ours separately in the event of divorce.

I honestly don't have a clue how families with children manage the money hence and very grateful for the replies.

'I honestly don't have a clue how families with children manage the money hence and very grateful for the replies.'

Not as flatmates who have sex, the ol' 50-50 when one person ends up with far more disposable income, savings, etc.

The grumbling would have to stop.

Do not be so desperate to marry someone that you find yourself with no disposable income, still paying half of everything, whilst he rakes in loads and grumbles about paying for days out, holidays, etc. for his own child and wife.

You need to have some major financial conversations. You need agreed financial goals, wills, insurance, household budgets. Wills made 'in contemplation of marriage' remain valid after a marriage ceremony (though there may be a time limit, I don't know).

Hmm ... well dh moved into my house that I owned outright mortgage free and then I became a sahm and we remortgaged for half and put dhs name on the deeds half and half - we used the money to completely re do the house as it needed quite a lot of work.

We put all our incomings into one bank account and all our bills go out of it. We allocate a set amount for food and stuff for our 2 kids and then we transfer an equal and set amount to 2 other joint accounts that we use one each of as our own spending money. Works for us !

I didnt think prenups were enforceable in the uk anymore. I could be wrong though

On the food/eating out front it's fairly easy. He earns 3x what you do, so he should pay proportionally more. Tell him you agree about the meals out, and from now on you'll pay for one in every four meals out, but along with that he'll have to pay for three out of every four grocery shops. That's fair FWIW when my DH earned 3x what I did this is how we divided payments - at his suggestion.

All money goes into the joint bank account with a little 'pocket money' going monthly into individual bank accounts.
If you are married there is no 'his' or 'hers'. It's 'ours'.

You would get more out of him if you split and he paid maintenance proportionate with his salary. You might want to mention to him he is paying less than the required amount

Thank you. I did have a chat with him and he has upped his contribution already. Progress!

Agree with senua, equal disposable income and family money. A prenup sounds sensible.