Threatening Behaviour from Person I Owe Money To

[ScaredandNeedAdvice]

I've changed my name for this because I'm embarrassed and scared.

I moved house in mid September and had to use removals people. I paid half up front and a cheque for the other half. The cheque bounced. I had a letter and wrote saying I'd sort it out as soon as I could but gave them a cheque for a small amount of it. Not heard anything else.

Just now a very menacing, demanding man showed up on my front demanding I go down to the cash point and withdraw the money there and then. Two issues, my dd is asleep upstairs and I have no money in the bank. I tell him I can't do anything. He is threatening to come to my work and wait until I do sort it out. I have no money. I have been screwed over by my exlandlord who withheld all my bond which I had planned on using for this amount. I've now agreed to meet someone tomorrow outside my bank in the town where I work at 1140am with the money. I don't have it. I told him when he was here that his threatening behaviour was scaring me and I was tempted to ring the police. He backed off a bit. But what the f*ck am I going to do? I'm terrified. I have money going in my account tomorrow but my overdraft that I'm extended over is going to eat that up. I don't know what to do.

And have you spoken to the firm at all yet? They may not even know that their representative is adopting this heavy handed approach. I think you're making a lot of assumptions because you are scared. I don't blame you at all but you need to find out who this man is - does he work for them or is he a debt collector?

I don't think I would be very impressed with post-dated cheques in these circumstances. You have already proved unreliable with cheques. I think a cash installment, followed by subsequent ones would be better.

I know you think your credit is poor, but have you asked the bank to extend your overdraft by £130, just for a few months? It's not a large amount, and if you're employed and have no other debts, I can't see the problem.

You will not be able to get a crisis loan to pay off a debt. Crisis loans are for crises (e.g. no money to buy food, etc), not debt-management.

This is a simple debt matter and, before the bailiffs can be involved, the creditor will need to obtain a county court judgement. Sending round men to intimidate and frighten is not acceptable behaviour.

I think you have done entirely the right thing. Problems occur in settling debts. Lots of people suddenly discover that they don't have money they thought they had and sometimes cheques bounce. Dealing with the matter in the way the removals firm has is totally out of order.

I have had credit problems in the past and can sympathise , no banks will extend your 0/draft no matter how small as the credit search you , so that is probably a no.
I do however work in the Debt Collection side of a business and there is no way a baliff will come round before he has taken you to court which is quite a lengthy process he would have to submit a claim and even then you have 28 days to respond for such a small amount I think he is unlikely to as it will cost him £60 approx , takes quite a while to enforce and if you responded with an offer to pay in installments he would have to really accept that , you would get costs added on , but even a baliff has no way of entering your home unless you let them in . He sounds like he is just bullying you, send him postal orders instead of cheques in installments with what you can now afford, and there is not much he can do about it, especially if you report him to the Police , do you know if he is the owner? or just someone who works there?

Frecle ,I was suggesting she use her money to pay him off to get him off her back and then apply for a temporary crisis loan to live on till she gets paid , particulary as she says she only has £30.00 for the rest of the month, which sounds like quite a crisis , unless of course you have all your food till the end of the month, etc. Do you get any child benefit in between?

How old is your daughter btw ?
Can you maybe make a bit on ebay- i did once and made quite a lot quickly.

ScaredandNeedAdvice - are you feeling any better about this yet?
Hopefully the guy hasn't come back. Some of these posts are giving you some really good advice. Have you found out any more?
We're rooting for you - I can't imagine how scared you must have felt on Wednesday.

Please post again so we know you're ok. xx

What he is doing is completely out of order and definitely unacceptable. This is not the way a legitimate business should carry on their affairs at all. There are proper channels to go down to get back money owed by a business. This man's way is entirely wrong, and I suspect he knows this anyway. They sound like the type of business that should be named and shamed, as they do not sound like they are behaving ina ligit and legal way regards running their business.

However, I do think that you yourself have gone about this in the wrong way too and are not blameless here. You owe the firm money and have left it for 2 months. Now I know if you are having financial diffculties these things can get on top of you and pushing them to one side and ignoring them can happen. But the firm rightly want their money and you really do need to pay them for services done.

The damages you mention should have been brought up immediately, not a few weeks later. Two months on I think these are probably now irrelevant. Besides they should be insured, either through the business or your own insurance.

You need to pay this firm and fast. You say you don't have the money? Can you get an advance from work? Can you get a loan of some form in a legitimate way from a bank, etc? Is this the only debt?

Have you contacted the business direct (not though this man) and asked to make a payment plan where you can send money direct to them, over a few weeks? (Do not agree to them coming to your house about this)

Do NOT meet this man at all. Contact the police and make sure they are aware. Make sure you tell them they know where you live, have been to the house and have threatened you, and that you feel that you and your daughter are at risk.

Keep a record of all contact you have with this business from now on.

You have not paid them. They should have their money. Now you need to sort out a way of ensurring they get that momney, but in a way that you actually can and without this nasty person threatening you and your daughter.

hulababy - that's another excellent post. What about if her employer could deduct a small amount from her wages eack week to send direct to the removal firm - then they'd know that they'd get it all eventually.

Just a thought ScaredAndNeedAdvice - you said you gave post dated cheques? The banks don't hold cheques anymore, they cash them as soon as they get them. Apparently they're not allowed to have cheques sitting around in branches anymore. Just hope you don't get anymore bouncing cheques.

Hula, the damage was brought up immediately when I wrote after the move. I didn't leave it. I didn't notice the microwave for the first week because I didn't go to use it but once I did notice, I informed them.

I don't have the money, availability for credit or any other resources to get money from. I think it's very easy for you to say I should have done this or that when I have been struggling to pay school dinner money for my daughter. I have done what I can do.

The police contacted the man yesterday and spoke with him. He was warned by them that if he contacts me again they will investigate further.

I work for a large employer who have a zero exceptions policy on pay advances etc, I checked this months ago when this situation first arose.

I have not buried my head in the sand. I have done what I can to resolve this. And really? I'm shocked that it's easy for those of you who don't know what it's like to make sure your child has food and you don't on a daily basis to sit there and tell me that I have behaved badly. I have done all I can in the circumstances and to the best of my ability.

And the police are aware of the offer I made to them, which I put in writing yesterday, which I copied the police into and which they told him about yesterday. The post dated cheques are with the removals firm to bank so I'm hoping that they don't try to bank them before the date. If they do, they will bounce. And there is a £35 charge.

If I could minimise the risk to myself and my daughter by paying them now, of course I would. But I can't.

Hi , I know I've posted this before tell me to get lost if you like , if you are struggling for the rest of the month to buy food , why don't you get a crisis loan from the DSS , they are available to anyone who is struggling particulary with a child to feed , they may only give you £80.00 but will take it back at about a £1.00 a week,

ScaredandNeedAdvice - is there anything else you can do to increase your income so you don't face this sort of situation again? Have you made sure that you're receiving all the benefits you're entitled to? If you're struggling to pay for school lunches then presumably you should be receiving income support?
I have asked if you have any friends who could help & you've said you have no other resources for borrowing money. But is there anyone you could do some ironing or cleaning for? I really do sympathise - your situation is tough.

ScaredandNeedAdvice - how's it going?

Thanks for asking.

Firstly, he lied to the police which did not go down well with them. He said he'd referred the matter to a collection agency. Lie. And it was them who came to the house, not him. Lie. It was the man who did the move, the man who I liaised with before the move. That's why I knew who it was. Ironically a letter arrived yesterday from a collection agency which is fine. I sent them a copy of the letter I'd sent to the moving company and asked if I needed to cancel the cheques. The amount had mysteriously increased by £90 and I have refused to pay more than the amount oustanding with the threatening behaviour.

The police have had a "stern" word with him about his business practices.

As for benefits, I work full-time and am entitled to nothing apparently. I tried to get housing benefit last year and was declined. Apparently I spend too much on rent as it is and my income is too great. I couldn't get anywhere any cheaper to live in this area. I don't go out. I haven't bought myself anything new in months - maybe not since start of summer and then only because I needed new clothes as I'd lost so much weight. I eat once a day if I'm lucky. I make sure dd always has food. Like tonight, for example, I'll make a sausage casserole with 4 sausages so she can have it again tomorrow. I do my best. We cope. It's not a great life, but we're mostly happy.

You need some supportive friends. Is your dd at school yet? That usually helps. I have a friend who spent a long time in the same situation as you - I met her when her dd started nursery with my ds1. I have been pleased to help her out financially - lending a few quid now and then, asking her to bake a cake or cut my hair etc. If a few of us went out in a group we'd sub her - and make damn sure she didn't feel guilty about it. She used to babysit for other people and have her dd sleeping there too.
Our kids are at secondary school now and she's a lot more established - but she has a council house so the rent isn't such a problem as it seems to be for you.
So I'm sure things will get better with time. She said that she didn't think 'people like us' would want to be her friend. That made me really sad. That just because she was a single mum people would feel differently about her. Those sort of people you wouldn't want as your friends, would you?
Glad you seem to be coping with dealing with the man - the police have been really helpful by the sound of it.

I make sure dd always has what she needs and I do ok. I made decisions to get me where I am in life so accept full responsibility for all of that. It would help if dd's dad paid maintenance more frequently so I could actually rely on it but he doesn't. He sees her every other weekend and except for the maintenance thing is a good dad. I try not to hold grudges as I know one day dd will understand why we didn't have more: I won't have to tell her. Friends have suggested years ago that I didn't let her see him but that's unfair on her and as much as I might not like him, he is her dad.

But it's things like the shoe box appeal that are difficult. She's asking to send things we just don't have with money I definitely don't have. But somehow we'll do something, we usually do.

Agree re: not using child against the dad - I know a couple of people who do that and it's very hard on the children.
You are obviously very determined and independent - sounds as though you are passing on good moral values to your dd, too.
I guess that what I'm trying to say is allow other people to have the chance to help you. People who care about you will be very happy to do so - they're not being patronising. I'm married/mortgaged etc but that's just because things have worked out ok with me and dh - I could just as easily have been in your situation - none of us has a crystal ball. Most decent people would want to help a friend like you... let them - don't be too proud to ask.

Hi again - have you seen the thread
Important thread - please read - EVERYONE**
Loads of MNers wanting to send a toy/voucher etc to someone who needs a bit of extra help at Christmas.
Please send soapbox your details to cheer yourself up knowing that your dd will have a bit extra for Christmas

Should've said it's listed under 'Christmas'

If you are being and have been charge £35 by your bank for a bounced cheque you should contact them and claim everything over £12 back.

Lots of people starting to have success with this now. There's a thread somewhere on mumsnet and info on sites like moneysavingexpert.com.

If you've had say 4 cheques bounced in the past six years (as far as you can go back) that'll give you most of the money to pay him.

SueW, to be honest, I'm very good with not going over my overdraft or bouncing cheques but I'm sure it's worth going over my bank statements to see if there's anything in recent years.

Fortyplus, thanks for that. I'm sure there are some who are more needy than me though. I was just thinking I've got about £30 to spend on dd for Xmas and I'm sure that's £30 more than most. Of all the stupid things, it seems our Xmas tree got lost in the move so I'll have to replace that. That's annoying.

What he did was wrong but you do owe him the money and you haven't contacted him to make any offer to pay it back. You were wrong to use his services knowing that you couldn't pay. I wouldn't be impressed by post-dated cheques from someone who has already failed to pay and hasn't been in touch since.

Would you be able to tell your ex that you desperately need some maintenance because you owe money and you don't have enough for dd because he's not been paying his fair share?

Also, I'd get down to the Citizen's Advice Bureau and see if there's anything you are entitled to.