Is my Dad being OTT in worrying about my extension plans?

[VadaSultanfuss]

My dad seems to have the hump with me as we are planning to replace a very old, leaking lean-to with a small extension. He has always been a worrier.

The extension will cost around 20% of the amount our annual salaries are so I don't see that it's a huge amount. We have the cash saved up, plus an emergency fund that we never touch. No debt, paying AVCs into pension and overpayments on the mortgage. The house has around 50% equity and it's very small but in a desirable area. The extension will be brilliant for us with two young kids. We don't plan to move (ever!).

The way he is acting makes me feel like I'm some rash mad spender who doesn't give two hoots about the future when I obviously do! Has anyone ever experienced anything similar with family and how did you convince them?

Part of me feels peeved because Dad has lived in a council house for most of his life and doesn't have a great deal of savings to his name. I've probably been more sensible than he has!

You don't need to convince him of anything. You're an adult. You obviously are in good financial standing so it's not reckless at all.

Just chuckle when he starts going on, thank him for caring about you but reassure you'll be fine.

I think there are only two things that really matter here:

1. whether you will be spending more than the value that will be added to the house, especially if you are borrowing to do so. Sometimes improving a house to a level beyond all of the others in the road/area is a mistake because it's dead money should you ever change your mind about moving within ten years or so. an people do change their minds for all sorts of reasons.

2. Whether you are extending the house to a degree that uses up too much garden space in proportion to the size of the house, and brings the building too close to the neighbouring boundary, so you lack privacy. Any perceived benefit or added value can be cancelled out by doing this and make it harder to sell.

But from what you've said, your plans don't sound particularly OTT or risky so just ignore him. Perhaps he doesn't like to hear you talk about it, and feels you are becoming a bit boasty and getting above your station? If you are far better off than he's ever been he might be feeling a bit chippy and insecure about it, and wanting to take you down a peg or two.

Or he might just be one of those people who really doesn't understand why people seek to improve their lot instead of just living with the bare minimum that they need, especially if he's always managed fine that way.

I remember when we sold our four bed detached and bought a 5 bed detached on a much bigger plot with a couple of extra downstairs rooms.

MIL said to me 'well I had three children as well and when we managed to buy a four bedroomed house that was it for us. We had a bedroom for each child and that was all we ever wanted or needed. I never thought again about wanting anything bigger or better after that.'

Although she said it quite nicely there was a definite whiff of 'who do the pair of you think you are, with your lofty aspirations?' about it.

Go for it OP. If you don't plan to sell, it doesn't matter whether it adds value to the property. What matters is that it makes life better for your family. Some things are worth paying for.

It does matter! What happens if she gets the neighbours from hell next year, or unexpectedly find herself PG with twins and needs more bedrooms? Figures for illustrative purposes only here, but let's say after putting a 30k extension on a house that was previously worth only £70k, it still has no off street parking and every other house in that street is still worth only £70k but hers is now worth £90k? Almost every road will have its value ceiling based on the immediate surroundings. Not only would she have lost 10k but let's say round the corner is a much nicer road where all the houses have off street parking and they are worth 90k - how is the OP going to ever sell hers?

It depends on whether you are happy to spend the money without the return. Personally if I was willing to pay an extra £200 (for example) for a larger living area in rent and so wouldn't have the expected return, then I'd happily pay that to improve my house. You'd be able to sell your house quickly because the house would be much better, so you could think of it in terms of reduced amount of time waiting to sell too.

Don'tdrinkandfacebook OP is using cash, not adding to the mortgage or taking a loan so if she really had to she could afford to lose the money and chalk it up to a mistake.

OP I think your dad is just being a bit controlling. Gently remind him he needs to stop thinking he can tell another adult what to do and let you get on with it

Are you taking your dads comments a little to heart.
Some elders are set in their ways. My dad is. Theres no changing his idea. He doesnt see or feel how easier it will be for you, when youve had the work done. Mine doesn't 'want' anything done to his house, my mother would have changing rooms in every week.
You know you can afford it, do it and enjoy what your working for. You never know he might just say ' tidy job' when its finished.

Thanks all, interesting replies!

Definitely something about the 'lofty aspirations' bit rings true - that might explain it, although our aspirations are quite modest really, they may be above what his ever were.

We are paying with savings for the extension and it should be fairly 'cheap' as the builder thinks we can utilise the existing base that the lean-to was built on. 75% of houses on these roads have the extension whereas we have the decrepit old lean-to, so I think it would be fine if we came to resale.

Sometimes I think my dad doesn't really live in the real world when it comes to costs. I mentioned I got some Hush Puppies school shoes for DS in Tkmaxx for 16.99 and he just went on and on about 16.99 being too much and I'm always throwing money down the drain! I really don't, I think I'm actually super-frugal. We happily drive a £1000 car, cut own hair, charity shops etc. I know I'm an adult etc but sometimes I don't want to tell him about things we've bought as I can't bear the hand-wringing and the lectures. I guess he's just a worrier!