Boyfriend moved in, how much should he pay me for living here

[KarenM2014]

both in our 40s, my two kids are adult, one still at home.
Boyfriend has moved in 9 months ago, but he is still paying so much to his ex wife, full mortgage, plus all CSA money, plus kids outings, that he has no money left to pay towards my household bills. (he earns around £48K)

Am feeling fairly unhappy.

He buys some of the food. maybe £100 per month.

He has given me £400 in last 9 months, and it is now such a touchy subject I end up crying. My mortgage is £900 per month, plus council tax, utilities, sky TV, broadband, etc all adding up to around £1300.

Any advice on how to get this sorted would be gratefully received.

He is taking you for a ride. Why are you letting him?!

He is taking the utter piss out of you.
He needs to pay his way or leave..

Did he move straight from living with his exW to living with you or did he live somewhere else inbetween?

If somewhere else inbetween, did he manage to live there?

why is he still paying the mortgage, is it because the financial settlement hasn't been done - is his divorce through or still on-going?

I suggest if his financial situation with his ExW/Soon-to-be-exW isn't sorted, you tell him to move out until it is. Then you'll discuss finances before he moves back in, and you will expect him to pay at least 1/3 of all bills (there are 3 adults living in the property, if you want to pay more of your DS's share, that's your choice). That includes food.

Or he can live somewhere else and you can date. But be prepared that you aren't as attractive to him if you aren't providing free bed and board...

Why do you end up crying? You hold all the cards here!!

I can't see that he's telling the truth about his finances. Which isn't a good sign.

You should be very careful about him paying anything towards the mortgage - get legal advice. If he pays towards the mortgage, he might be able to claim ownership of part of the equity in the property, and I'm assuming you will want to ensure that is safeguarded for your DC.

You need to come to an agreement whereby he pays his way, though.

I would say half of all household bills, except for the mortgage and upkeep of the property. And he should pay more towards luxuries like holidays, perhaps, or towards motor running costs.

If he doesn't pay his way financially, does he make up for it with some other contribution towards the household (like a SAHP does)? If not, why is he there?

Where did he live between leaving the marital home and moving in with you?

How do the conversations go where you ask him to contribute? Maybe we can help you?

How are you today, OP?

Did he move in from his family home to yours, without a break? If not, how did he afford to live then?

uh oh, someone who doesn't feel they need to pay half. Either he wants to pay his way or he doesn't. Sounds like he doesn't. Lots of men pay out CSA and still manage to have another family. I suspect he is bullshitting you about paying a full mortgage and CSA. You will never convince someone to pay their way. They either get it or they don't. Any row or discussion is like banging your head against a brick wall. If he doesn't understand he needs to pay half, then he has to go.

Where are you, OP?

He can't just have a row about it, refuse to pay, make you cry and that's the end of it- he's won and never pays a penny. You have the upper hand and need to tell him to pay or leave.

Nobody else will let him live with them on those terms-no mates, no landlord etc Oh, perhaps his mum.

You are not his mum.