Postponed divorce

[kikki]

My husband's on/off mistress has told me that 'they' are going to file for divorce from me but they are just waiting. I would like to know what it is 'they' may be waiting for. My husband said that he has never said such a thing and she will have to sign the divorce papers as he is not going to. I really have no idea what is going on. It doesn't seem to make a difference to my life if I file for divorce or not(I have more grounds to, adultery, violence, unreasonable behaviour the list is endless) but I consulted a lawyer and she said that if I just leave things as they are at the moment he won't be able to interfere with visitation orders etc from the court if I just lie low.
I don't know what to do for the best. File for divorce first or just play a waiting game?
This rotten witch has told him that their relationship is over until he divorces me. It didn't bother her for two years why does it now? What is her agenda apart from to hurt my son, who is innocent in all of this?
My ex has two kids in Jamaica that he wants to bring to live in the UK. He will need some unsuspecting woman's wage slips in addition to his own, to show that he can provide for them and give them a 'nuclear' family home life. I have provided my details in the past and paid for their birth certificates and passports for them to travel to Britain. They have been turned down as the home office said that there mother was in Jamaica and could look after them. Now my ex plans to get the mother of his kids to England(in effect abandoning his kids aged 10 and 5) in Jamaica and then telling the home office they are orphans, so they have to be granted entry.
Obviously this will reduce the maintenance payments to my son but what I find hard is that he can just migrate from on relationship to another using the woman for his own immediate gain and get away with it. Sorry I have gone off on a bit of a tangent her.
What are the advantages of getting divorced at the moment?

kikki - the only real advantage to being divorced is the fact that you can re-marry if you choose to. It is far cheaper and causes less agro all round to divorce after 2 years on grounds of consented separation. Divorce makes no difference to financial arrangements or residence/contact. From experience I would say divorce him then you are in control of the process, you can file papers to fit your dead lines not his. If you wait a while you may not know his address to serve papers etc, then it is more complicated I think you then have to wait 7 years after last contact to assume someone is dead. Off home now but can reply tomorow if you need more help.

Hi Lasvegas
Thanks for this advice. I do not intend to marry in the near future. My fingers have been severely burned by this monster. I just hear some many stories of where the wives take their husbands to the cleaners in their divorces and I just want him to understand that the process is not as simple as us just signing a piece of paper. I am also confused as to what he/she may be waiting for before filing for divorce. Does he think the home office will care if we divorce before his kids get to live in Britain?

There is only one ground for divorce, i.e. irretrievable breakdown of the marriage, which can be proved in one of 5 ways:

1. two years' separation with both parties consenting - costs tend to be split down the middle in this case;

1. five years' separation where one party does not consent;

1. adultery;

1. unreasonable behaviour - you need a good number of incidences and some of them fairly recent (although his living with another woman would be counted);

1. mental incapacity (never used this one so unsure how you would prove it).

If you are the petitioner, then you can claim costs off the respondent (unless it is the first scenario above).

I suspect that he is either waiting for the two years to pass (and is assuming that you will consent) or five years (if he thinks you might be difficult).