Should dads share mums' costs

[nicolacook1]

Being pregnant costs loads: new clothes, extra food, extra vitamins etc, followed by taking time off work to have and care for the baby. Should dads be making a contribution to these costs?? My partner has not coughed up a penny, expecting me still to pay 50% of everything - food, household bills etc even though he's earning a good wage and I'm only getting SMP - is this fair?

Tbh I wouldn't want this man's influence on my children, and for them to grow up thinking his behaviour is normal. It will have a negative effect on them at some point if not already.

He seems like a particularly unpleasant lodger rather than your partner. I don't understand how you can have feelings of love towards someone who treats you with such contempt.

In this situation there should not be mum's costs and dad's costs, but FAMILY costs. I doesn't say much for your relationship if you can't even bring it up. You should be a partnership, not two people who happen to live together.

What will you do when baby is born, will you go back to work then pay for childcare out of your money PLUS all your half of the bills PLUS all extra food clothing for baby!?

If your not going back to work how is he planning on supporting you both?
Be frank and ask him. He may not have releasied you are in less money but he must noticed all the stuff you needed to buy (trying to give him benefit of the doubt!)

Ask about the future if he's saying it's all on your hands get the hell out.

This sort of man will live his life as if your baby had never been born. He won't curtail his personal spending, his hobbies and social life will always come first.

Good luck getting through to him that this is a selfish and shortsighted way to live.

Shortsighted because eventually you'll wake up, chuck him out, and he'll be left crying into his pint in the pub about how he never sees his kids because of his bloody ex.

I've seen it so many times. These stupid men who can't see that being a decent dad is massively rewarding. Even better than spending all your money on playstation games and going to the pub. Idiot

OP - yes, shared child, shared cost. What a wanker that he needs this spelled out.

If he's a tit now, whasts he going to be like when he's number 2 on your priority list. Ask what your chances are of being looked after & being a family. If he's still a tit dump him!

We have three accounts. His, hers and joint.

We have the same in the his and hers and the rest goes in the joint. All bills, childcare, mortgage, food shopping etc comes out of the joint.

DH contributes more because I am part time. It works really well for us. When I was on mat leave both times we saved some money in advance to cover the shortfall. That money was all early by DH but they are our savings.

kezza don't stay. He sounds awful.

And what will happen if you go back to work? Will he expect you to cover childcare? Childcare allows both it's parents to work.
Or what will happen if you are a sahm? On his thinking you will just starve.

Op: be very careful. Are you married? If not and you have a house , whose name is it in? You can end up very vulnerable as non married partners are not entitled to any share of assets. He sounds incredibly inconsiderate, selfish and financially controlling.

Why is it no use discussing hiw you use money together? It is fundemental to a partnership.

Uhm wow have only read the OP.

Wtf?! They are not your personal costs. They are family costs.

You need to talk to him about this ASAP and tell him it is out of order.

He should not be acting this way and it is likely to get worse. If he can't or won't change you are in for very difficult times and I would urge you to find a better situation for yourself.

Sorry if this sounds horrible, but you do not want to be a mum to one or more children and having to deal with financial abuse.

Now I will read the rest of the thread. I'm sorry if it's moved on but I couldn't not comment!

kazza2015 - I know he is unlikely to listen to you but have you showed him the actual cost of running a house?
all those bills added together and food on top of that

suggest to him you draw a line under the previous cost, and pay bills proportionally to your income
this approach has been discussed before on many MN threads

Well he has come home like a moody 5 year old and i tried to make small talk over an app he had today and got grunted at. Its actually worse than it was at the weekend! .had made a quick tea of pork chops..kids just came in lounge and he not eating it and said to them meat is shit!! Oldest dd loves him but i think has lost respect for him which is exactly what happened with him and his dad! Sad times...have made an app at citizens advise for friday x

LTB!!!!