A fair divide of the cash?

[TheHappinessTrap]

My OH and I work FT and I bring in about 1/6th more than OH. We contribute to joint fund according to percentage of income so I contribute a little more than he does. Our living expenses are high as we have chosen to pay off our mortgage sooner rather than later.

I recently dropped a few hours and agreed that since it was my decision I would continue paying at my FT salary. (this isn't my point, just more detail).

So, I've been enjoying the reduced working hours and wanted my OH to be able to enjoy the same and offered to help fund that if he wished to reduce his hours. He's thought about it, doesn't want to reduce his hours but suggests he could be better financially if we increased my percentage of the contribution to the joint account.

On talking this over with him I realised that he's putting a significant amount aside into savings each month. I recently depleted my savings so I've moved the surplus from my account into an ISA (no where near close to the amount of savings he has), and suggested that we look into how we can each contribute the same amount to savings and have the same amount of spare cash each month.

I feel guilty though. Initially I'd offered to fund him being able to reduce hours, but obviously from my post you can see that I felt differently when I realised him having little left over each month was sitting alongside a commitment to topping up savings. Am I being fair or not?

So you work less but pay more so he can save????
Are you married?
If you dropped your hours to do hobbies or laze round then ok I understand why you're paying the same amount, if however you are doing housework or other contribution to your joint life or maybe because you were burning out then no I don't think it s fair for you to carry on paying the same.
I also don't tbink its at all fair that you should offer to fund him dropping his hours when he has amassed a large amount of savings.

Glad we are old-fashioned - all goes in a pot, savings come out - some in his name some in mine - all are "ours", doesn't matter who earns what, discuss all major spends first, helps to both have the same attitude to money. Less complicated.

Before we were married we had our own current account each - a joint account for bills - personal expenditure came from own account, 70% of wages went to joint account and any left in there went to joint savings for emergency expenses.

(but it all ended up blurring into the one pot for all quite quickly.)

Sorry but he is not being fair. Of course he'd be better off if you paid more, wouldn't anyone in his position?!

You offered to enable him to work reduced hours and help financially is it was needed. He says no thanks but you can pay more anyway

All that ignoring the fact that he is saving lots and you are not. Although clearly you must be proportionately 'spending' more from your own money if he can save and you cannot. Perhaps you should think about whether your spending is on things that could perhaps be more appropriate from the joint pot or whether you are spending 'fun' money. (It doesn't matter if you are spending 'fun' money if you have it! - no judgement here).

He is BU to suggest you should just pay more when he has enough to save anyway and your savings are depleted.

I don't think that's the ideal way to organise your finances. Don't you have any joint savings? What is he saving for and why aren't you included?

When DH and I combined finances we started paying our salaries into a joint account. All bills are paid from that account. We set up a standing order for pocket money for both us which get sent to our personal account.

No it's not fair but find it bizarre that couples don't share money.

Surely all this means is he is saving his free money but you are spending yours? I don't think there is anything one with him saving his money, after all it's his to save. If you want to spend your that's fine too but I dont think you should spend yours then ask for his savings.

Yes we are married.

You may be surprised to hear that, yes in fact I did drop my hours to be lazy!

I've worked FT (paid or unpaid or formal and informal, however the wording goes!) all my life and I fancied having some time off to invest in my own hobbies before my knees give out. I've only lost a small percentage of my pay and I think the move was worth my investing in.

I had a FT salary and was capable of working the hours. We made financial decisions based on our income. I then chose to earn (slightly!) less. He shouldn't have to fund my choice to earn less. The issue for me is that I offered to help him should he want to make the reduction because he is tired, like I was, and I just appreciate the freed up time and wanted him to be able to enjoy it if he wished to. He doesn't and that's fine, but I didn't have his savings in mind when I offered.

To be fair, I had also collected a good savings and chose what to spend it on. We both enjoy having that absolute financial freedom. I know for me this partly comes from 1) having a mother who divorced in the 70's with no prospects or financial safety net and 2) a first marriage where all was in one pot and I was scrutinised for every expenditure - afterwards learning that he was using the pot to fund many thousands of pounds worth of things that I wouldn't have agreed with.

I know others would still choose the joint pot and this works for them, but we like knowing all our joint costs are covered and we can freely decide what to do with the rest.

The question was more about whether I was being mean to rescind my offer. But in thinking about, writing it out here, I can see I don't need to worry. Being reminded of his savings contributions is new information and I can fairly rescind my offer.

We do also have a joint savings, and factor in to the joint account anticipatable expenditure, like having an aging boiler, this years MOT, etc. If the roof were to spring a leak we would manage from the joint savings.

And I think the suggestion that I look into what of my spending could be from the joint acct is a fair one, but I'm ok with the amount of cash I have at the end of the month so I'm not really complaining about that - it would just help me with my own savings. Good suggestion.

I've always been good with money in that I don't get into debt and live reasonably frugally (more of my mother's lessons!) but I've not been good at keeping a savings.

You weren't mean to rescind your offer. I fact you didn't rescind it, he chose not to take you up on it (I.e. The offer to pay more so that he could work part time, he said no thanks).

The fact you work less hours 'to be lazy' is irrelevant, and I wouldn't call it that. It's a choice you can afford and didn't let the household finances be effected. No problem in that.

But you didn't rescind your offer to fund him working less, he said no? Then asked you to pay more again for no reason?

If you needed access to his savings, would you be allowed? If you lost your job would he support you, or would that be your problem to solve?

Ultimately, the technicalities of money management are irrelevant but they need to be agreed jointly and not at the detriment of one partner. It doesn't seem like that's the case in your situation.

Thanks again. Yes he would (has!) given me "access" to his savings, and would help me if I lost my job, as I would him! We both came to this relationship slightly burned and with a small bit of money and didn't want to be burned again. So we've set up something that felt safer for both of us. It allows us to be generous. My lap top was on the blink for ages once when things were tight for me and he said, "I know you're going to want to say no but i'd really like us to go out now and I'll get you a new lap top". He's not a mean guy. I'm fiercely independent and have for the most of our relationship blocked his financial support, probably giving the wrong signals. His notion with me paying more was that I would have a greater percentage of the mortgage but I pointed out that this would never actually benefit me. We have our forever home, having put equal amounts into it, so we either separate or die in order to benefit!