what would happen if the unthinkable happens.

[Alibongo33]

Hi,
Would like some advice and please. My dh and me have been married 3 years and have two DC. 1 and 3. I moved in with him when we met. We don't have a will or any sort of life\illness insurance. I am a sahm and dh works ft.
As my husband bought the house before we met,he is on the mortgage and deeds only. We have never added me on.

I want to sort things out to protect us both should the unthinkable happen to me or dh.
What do we start?

Tia

first job is to talk through the scenarios - not a happy conversation but a necessary one. These are:

both of you die before the kids are independent: you need to nominate guardians or people to choose guardians.

one of you dies before the kids are independent: different effects depending on who it is. You are just as important because without you, he will struggle to pay for all the things you do.

one of you dies before the other (which of course will almost certainly happen) but after the kids are independent. Where does the other one live? How does the mortgage get paid?

both of you die (which is of course a definite).

also: he loses his job (quite likely for anyone, so get working on those savings) or gets too ill to work. Or you get too ill to be childcarer.

given these unhappy situations, what would be the effects? How much money would be needed in each situation to keep things going? Where do you want possessions (including the house) to go?

and also (I'm afraid) if you split up - what happens to you?

once you've got initial ideas, you can look at life insurance quotes (to pay off the mortgage and to provide the childcare) . You can then also get will and guardianship set up.

but the first thing is to decide what you want to happen in each circumstance.

may you both live to a healthy old age; but as parents, you must plan for the worst case.

Life insurance is really very, very inexpensive, especially if you are young ish and healthy ish. Please don't put off buying it until you can get around to sorting all the other stuff too. It's not difficult to arrange at all and it's the very minimum financial protection you should have once you are a parent.

my DH is not the one to think of "what if". 3 years ago he had a heart attack (caught in time, stents, ok now), understandably I went through all spectrum of emotions, and found myself in an uncharted territory - what if it would have been final - no will, written or expressed, 3 grown up (lovely) children from previous, one child together (15), sahm, no savings.
Curious thing was that (unknown to me) on his first morning in hospital he requested his manager to come and witness his wishes. I knew of the visit - among others, but not the agenda. DH was not specific. I went through hell and back for a week at least, quietly putting a request to Almighty for my own heart attack or something if things go wrong :-D as I could not think of "what would be" scenarios of no will (selfish, I know, but then i felt I need to get out of the hole somehow not to loose it completely). My DH is the best of the spieces, kind and just and lovely.

It took me over a year before I mentioned that (casually) - he assured me that he then "got it all covered" - but why on earth did not let me be known... Anyway, 3 years on, still no formal will. My pact stands :-)

You really do need to bite the bullet and discuss this however much he may not want to think the unthinkable however just FYI if he dies without a will and you are legally married, you inherit everything. It doesn't matter who owned what before you were married or if he has children ( yours or anyone esles)- if he dies intestate the spouse inherits everything.

Thank you Effic, I know I will, legally and all will be ok. I just find it difficult to understand this type of thinking.
On top of all things emotional which engulf with "the unthinkable"- to deal with "how" and "will" and "court" and "contest" and who if contest etc etc - I can not imagine it for my enemy.
May be I am OCD? (My house does not show )
I suppose it comes from somewhere very deep - the sort of care you practise with those you love. And this is the sort I personally have no alphabet for.
In my personal quest to get it I've come across some book "Five Languages of Love" - that we humans show "love" in different ways, and it looks like this is not one of his (or male's for the matter?) Next step I suppose to find out why I find it difficult to discuss, at this moment for me it is equivalent to ask for love or sex or "show me how you love me" - so in "languages of love" we differ
I just wonder how many DHs sort out these matters by their own initiative, without hinting. But it's more comforting to know if majority are faulting at this particular issue - mortality and what goes with it.