Can someone give me some advice on how to help DM...

[babygiraffe86]

This is my first thread on here so pelase bear with me if i' askins something which has already been asked or anything but I have seen the advice people offer here and thought you may be able to offer some assistant.

My DM just over a year ago escaped an emotially abusive relationship from my Stepfather. she was with him for 25 years, from being 24 years old. already had me when they met, went on to have my 2 brothers together.

over the course of the 25 year relationship he took control, she had no bank accounts, was not allowed to work, was told he was the best thing that could happen to her etc etc. it took time but last year she left, with mine and my brothers help. we helped her open her own account, get set up in a house - one of my brothers still lives at home so she has support there too. the struggle now is, apparently for 2 years my stepfather did not pay any rent or bills (though he told her he had) and had taken everything out in mums name. so she now has 10k of debt.

has spent 12 months looking for work but with no experience is really struggling. is volunteering 38 hours a week in a retail shop for cancer research but i wondered if anyone has any experience of getting work with no qualifications (shes 49 now) and any experience with how to try and get her life back!

sorry for the long post, but any help will be gratefully received!!!

** I'm asking!

*assistance.

my word - cant even proof read my own posts properly!

Cab can help with debt advice and may be able to point you in the direction of training for back to work, the social security can help too.

Jobcentre have been more than useless - ill have to point her in the direction of cab.
Jobcentre have pretty much told her she's almost 50 so why try get work now, apply for everything and just see If anyone fancies taking you on - I'd say that the 2nd part was common sense and the 1st part warranted a complaint, to which we got a generic template apology :-/

Has she tried the local council job page for vacancies? Could she try schools, universities & colleges for receptionist /secretarial work.

I would suggest that she gets on an IT course to improve her computer skills and then arrange work experience in a field that she is interested in.
Tempting agency

www.brookstreet.co.uk

Open university free courses

www.Open.edu/openlearning

Regarding the debt in her name, can she seek legal advice about it as it was obtained without her consent?

As the debts are the likes of phone bills and council tax she is liable :-(

Thanks for those links, the voluntary work is helping but I definitely think improving her skills is worth a go :-)

It might be useful for her to speak to women's aid as they are skilled in advising women in your mum's situation.

www. Womensaid.org.uk

Sorry I can't link from my phone so just typed addresses.

If she did not have a bank account, how were accounts opened in her name?
A long talk with CAB and or Stepchange and asking about the paperwork to set up some of the debts is probably a VERY good idea.

sorry to hear about your mums debts. Have you looked at a Debt relief order? does she own her house? if not she will qualify, speak to stepchange x

TiP the bank account was in my stepfathers (her husbands) name - direct debits had been set up from this account, but her name on the contracts, 25 years worth of him wearing her down :(

she has a meeting arranged with CAB for Monday so fingers crossed they can help with something. she now seems to be picking up and getting a lot more social, making friends and getting out of the house for volunteer days.
we have written down how all the debts are made up - seems to be a couple of hundred here and there to the likes of BT, virgin media, N Power, council tax, vodafone and such so she can take that with her and see how they can assist.

her mum (my gran) has also just been discharged from hospital today and DM is looking into registering as her full time carer as she is struggling around the house and falling and cant leave without someone with her. social services have advised she needs one and mum thinks this will be another way to help herself too.

thanks for your advice people, things will improve in time. already seeing a massive improvement in her just generally day to day so now its time to tackle the debts and regain her life :)

babygiraffe
So the bill is in her name but she can prove she never paid it .... hmmm
well worth a natter with CAB

YY to getting registered as her Mum's carer - busy and an income stream

Never thought about it like that - yes basically all the contracts were set up in her name but direct debuts from his account then cancelled by the looks of thing's so never got paid. means she has a horrific credit rating (as discovered when I got the 30 day free trial for her) but it's a starting point - filling in the forms online tonight for her to register as the carer as we have a document from social services confiring it's required

If she can prove that she was unable to have ever made the payments there is a chance that the creditors can be persuaded to go after the owner of the bank account ....

The gentle threat of "Daily Mail sad faces" works wonders with Utility credit control departments