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Original poster

Moving in with my partner who owns the house

44 replies

Mishha81 · 28/01/2015 15:51

?Hello

I'd like to ask an opinion on a matter that I have already discussed with my boyfriend. Bus since we disagreed completely, we've decided to seek opinion of others who would be more objective.

My boyfriend lives with his two kids (15 and 9) + an au pair in a house he took a mortgage on. It is 30 miles from London. He works in London and commutes almost every day.

I live on my own in a rented apartment outside the UK. It is very close to the office (10 mins by bike) so no transport costs involved.

Since we want to start living together, I'm planning to find a job in the UK, possibly in London. As he bought the house and is settled there (his kids go to the local schools), buying another house together in a different location closer to London is not an option, hence i'm planning to move in to his house.

I offered to pay 50% of the bills, and the extra council tax for the extra person in a household. Plus i would bring the white goods like a washing machine, hoover, kettle. And contribute towards buying some other stuff for the house, like carpet cleaner, paint for the walls etc.

This, plus the train commute cost would be more or less what i spend in my current situation. I could save some money on buying a yearly rail ticket instead of monthly.

However, my bf said I should also make a small contribution towards the house, cause otherwise I live there for free.

I am leaning towards paying it but would like to know opinions of others too.

Many thanks.

OP posts:

holeinmyheart · 28/01/2015 16:26

Council tax is paid according to the value of the house not how many people in it. I don't see why you have to pay 50% of the bills when their are 4 people living in it. A quarter of the bills would be fairer.

Are you happy supporting his DC?

If it doesn't work out, money spent supporting them could have been saved for your Pension etc
To me your DP sounds as though he is getting a good deal. Presumably you will be doing quite a lot of the cooking, cleaning etc. I bet you won't be asking for payment.

I think you have to 'Man Up ' and be a bit more assertive and ask yourself, what am I going to get out of this?
If the house is in his name, he could chuck you out at any time.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 28/01/2015 22:01

You should pay 50% of the council tax not just the extra he has to pay for their being another adult. All the other bills should be 50% inc mortgage. Equal split between all the adults in the house. It's only food that would increase with children, utilities etc don't much.

I agree with him, why should you live rent free? If he decided he didn't want you to move in yours costs would be a lot more.

FishWithABicycle · 28/01/2015 22:16

You shouldn't have any expectation of living rent-free. What you suggested is simply not enough. You should of course pay half the council tax, but probably only a quarter of the other bills, and should pay a reasonable amount towards the house itself. Either agree a modest minimum e.g. Market rate for an adult sharing a house of multiple occupancy in the same area. Or, pay more than that as an appropriate fraction of the mortgage with a written agreement that your contributions are buying you a share in the ownership of the property, to be calculated according to how much you've each put in so your share will be tiny to start off with but could get more significant after you've been together for years.

Your proposal in your op is way too low.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 28/01/2015 22:22

I think reasonable rent and 1/5th of the bills would be fair. You are one of 5 people living in the house. A 5th of all bills would be your share, plus rent.

mrscumberbatch · 28/01/2015 22:26

Assuming that you'd be taking the role of 'step mother', I'd split bills 50:50 but the majority of his children's expenses should come from him.

Goneintohibernation · 28/01/2015 22:32

I think you paying about what you pay now is fair. Your DP's costs will go down with you moving in and contributing, so he is better off, and you are no worse off. Yes he will be paying more than you, but he will own the house at the end of it, whereas you own nothing. Could you save what he wants you to contribute to the mortgage? If things work out you could treat it as joint savings, and if they don't it gives you something to fall back on.

FishWithABicycle · 29/01/2015 06:45

Paying about what you pay now isn't fair - living within an easy commute of London is going to be expensive (obv not as expensive as London itself) but people pay it because they can't get the same opportunities for their careers elsewhere. The OP will be reaping the benefits of living in such an area and shouldn't be freeloading to do so, so should pay based on a fair share of actual cost, not based on the cost of living somewhere else entirely.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/01/2015 10:32

I'd offer to pay 50% of the council tax and utilities plus half of the average cost of rent for a room in a shared house in the area: half because you aren't going to be having your own bedroom (I presume!) That way you're neither living rent-free, nor are you paying off half of somebody else's mortgage for them with none of the benefits at the end.

I do agree that living within easy commuting distance of London does carry a financial premium, so you shouldn't necessarily expect your bills overall to be the same when you move in together as they are now. However, would you struggle/have very little left over if you were spending more on bills than you do presently? As I'd be very wary of moving in with somebody who was happy for us to have wildly unequal spending money as a result of paying for his house.

ComtesseDeSpair · 29/01/2015 11:05

To add - I'd also be looking to open up a discussion well before you move in about eventually being added to the mortgage as a joint owner, and paying an equal/fair/proportionate share of the mortgage from that point onwards. Or selling his house and buying one together, if preferable. Whilst it's completely understandable that he wouldn't want to do this in the short-term in case the relationship doesn't work out, there should definitely be a longer term plan for you having a proper partnership which includes property and finances - else you'll essentially be a lodger in his house, with no protection from him asking you to leave with very little notice.

If he can't see that ever happening and has no intention of ever having you as more than a lodger then I simply wouldn't move your life to move in with him.

Quitelikely · 29/01/2015 12:04

Will his council tax increase when you move in? If yes pay the difference. If I was you I would pay no more than £400 PCM towards everything.

Even better why not just rent a room share somewhere near. At least that way he isn't going to have you looking after his kids and paying his mortgage!

He is the one going to benefit from this situation.

He will still have his own home and mortgage - you won't.

How much PCM does he want you to pay? And how much would you like to pay?

Original poster

Mishha81 · 29/01/2015 14:22

Many thanks for all your replies so far.

@Quitelikely: I think the council tax might increase by ca. £50-60 as he might be eligible now for a single adult living in the house discount.

Renting on my own somewhere else is not an option. If i decide to leave my current job and rented apartment and move to the UK, it is only because i want to live with him, not apart. Otherwise i stay put where i am now.

After some negotiation he suggested me to pay £300/month which is actually not a lot considering market rates. The reasons why i don't like it are:

my commute costs would be 364/month (unless i buy an annual travel ticket, then it works out at 315/month)
i dont like the idea of paying a fixed 'rent' a month to my bf, just like a lodger. My initial idea was that my input in the bills would be approx. 150/month + extra 60 for council tax = ca. 210 / month. Depending on the time of the year - sometimes i pay more, sometime less, depending on the usage.

So we are actually arguing here about the £100 extra he wants me to pay, but it's the principle that i do not like - that i pay a fixed amount. If it's winter and we use more heating etc - bills go up. If it's summer and we used less - we pay less. If the water boiler breaks - we share the cost. And so on.

But perhaps i'm being unreasonable, that's why i posted my question here, to get opinions of others.

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 29/01/2015 14:35

Gosh you are being unreasonable! £300 PCM is super cheap!

Take his hand off!

Original poster

Mishha81 · 29/01/2015 14:43

I guess this is what i had to hear from a third party to finally make up my mind. Thanks!

OP posts:

QuintlessShadows · 29/01/2015 14:52

Sorry, but you sound a bit like you were hoping to become a total freeloader. £300 pcm is really really cheap. Even with transport costs (if you decide you can only work in actual London, not nearby), you should be able to put some money aside and save up for your own mortgage one day.

Somebody suggested you ask to be put on the deeds and the mortgage, I dont really think you are in a position to straight away demand ownership of his and his childrens home, and nor should you without taking proper legal advice to do it in a fair manner, his kids considered.

QuintlessShadows · 29/01/2015 14:55

"If it's winter and we use more heating etc - bills go up. If it's summer and we used less - we pay less."

Not necessarily, sometimes the monthly bills are based on an estimate of an annual total divided by 12, the meter readings are just given to adjust, not so you can pay exactly your usage. Most people are on such direct debit schemes, as the energy companies want to ensure they have a stable fixed income, rather than a fluctuating income, so they give incentives, such as discounts to make people sign up for this.

QuintlessShadows · 29/01/2015 14:56

If you are really squabbling over an extra £100 per month, then maybe you cant afford the move?

averythinline · 29/01/2015 15:09

Yes living near London does attract a premium but it does depend on whether you actually have a job....what are you going to do in the meantime or are you not going to move until you have a job?
The actual cost does not seem high but if you are not earning its a lot - are you going to have to back pay.? what proportion of your salary is it? If you're not getting married make sure you can leave and be no worse off- you are not investing in property or anything yourself..

why is he getting single person discount if the Au pair lives there?

When did this I paid half the mortgage/council tax as rent and the equivalent of 1/5 of the bills ...if its easier for budgeting to add up and divide over year so a fixed amount per month is a 'how' not a what and why which are the important things..

Pensionerpeep · 29/01/2015 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 29/01/2015 16:15

Can you imagine a man posting he wanted to move in with his partner and her chidlren and only pay £200 a month. The name calling would be instant.

Still, true love must have involve bargaining for cheaper costs

peggyundercrackers · 29/01/2015 16:59

I think it would be better to move into your own place - its easy to find somewhere near London for £200 a month...

Blu · 29/01/2015 17:29

I think the utilities will be far more with 2 kids and an au pair in the house than if it was just OP and her DP: heating on for longer and in more rooms, endless washing machine cycles, dishwasher run more often - more than twice as often - etc etc.

I would pay 1/5 or 1/4 of the bills, half the council tax, and amount towards 'wear and tear' - maybe the two of you could hav ajint house maintenance account and both put in an agreed amount each month for all bills bills and wear and tear?

Blu · 29/01/2015 17:37

PeggyUndercrackers: I searched Rightmove for the whole of London - THIS is available for 200pcm and THIS was the very cheapest accommodation on Rightmove - a grim single bed in a house share in Sidcup. For £300pcm.

Could you link to other places for £200 a month?

Branleuse · 29/01/2015 17:38

its cheap rent but youre making a massive move, not him. Have you had a trial period?

QuintlessShadows · 29/01/2015 20:15

Well, judging by those links, OP could bring her campervan, or caravan, as those are parking spaces .....

superram · 29/01/2015 20:23

My now dh paid me £399 9 years ago, including bills. We split food. You are being very unreasonable. Rent for just a room would be £500 plus all bills.

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