Affording a second child

[Hedgehog1977]

We have a little boy, 4 months and we'd really like to have another (or more, but that's completely unrealistic!). I've been looking at our finances and trying to work out how we can afford it but I just can't see how.

We need both wages to live and pay our bills. I am (hopefully) going back to 4 days in July and we can manage with only 4 afternoons of childcare as dh works nights so can look after him in the mornings before he goes to sleep. The trouble is, although I earn quite a bit more than dh, we need both wages to survive but wouldn't have enough left over to either save for another lot of maternity leave, or to pay 2 lots of childcare.

We also had fertility issues and I'm nearly 38, so don't have much time (and may need treatment, which would be really expensive). I want to enjoy my little boy so we're not thinking about it yet, but ideally in the next 2 years.

We'd love to move to where we grew up and our family are, but I'm in a very specialised career and there are no jobs. Housing would be much cheaper and we'd have free childcare. I'd happily give up my career, but the drop in income might make it impossible to get a new mortgage, especially as we'd both need to get jobs at the same time in the new place - would we be able to move our mortgage?

Has anyone else been in this position and what did you do? We do have some disposable income and can save a little, just not as quickly as we need to. And then we still can't afford 2 lots of childcare but can't wait until our little one's at school as I'll be too old. I just really regret getting my qualifications and moving to an expensive area but feel trapped.

Hx

When your little one is 3 you will get 15 hours free childcare which might make things easier. Are you planning to claim the tax breaks or childcare vouchers on your childcare costs? I can't remember how it works but you could look into it.
Could you have a mortgage break to make maternity leave easier? As long as your payments are up to date most mortgage providers will allow a payment holiday of a few months during maternity leave (interest will still accrue).

We are pregnant with DD1 and having the same issue- would love to hear the advice.

Thank you on the dark....I expect it will be a case of finding as many tips like that as we can and applying them all at once! We don't get childcare vouchers at work, but we'll claim the tax breaks (I've tried to find out, is it just if the Tories get in or will Labour implement it as well?). That will be a big help, around £100 a month, plus child benefit, which I forgot about.

I'm not sure if we could take a mortgage holiday but I will check, we already have a 30year mortgage and only 2 1/2 years in. It's also fixed term for 5 years, but at least we can reduce the payments when that expires. I just did a quick calculation and worked out if we sold here and bought a similar house back home, I reckon we could go from paying £1200 per month to around half that....if only I could find a job there!

Stillyummy, it is such a worry isn't it? We spent 4 long years TTC our D's. I love him to pieces and will be happy if it's just him but I would so love another. I really regret going to university and moving to an expensive area for a job. I think pur lives would have turned put better if I'd been less ambitious when I was younger.

Hx

Hey

We are in the same boat too. I'm 40, had first baby with Ivf (still paying it back) and he is five months now. I earn more than DH so I think the only plan is for him to be off work when i go back and then he will look for work evenings and weekends. I am looking into childcare but two people commuting into London won't be practical and full time childcare is ridiculous and again the amount we would gain by doing this is negligible (and stressful)

I'm so grateful we've got our son and will try naturally for another very soon. We are trying to save as much as possible by not buying anything for ourselves, not meals out, shopping in Aldis and making soup for lunches.

Check out the frugal January threads.

I'm also de cluttering (check out Marie kondo threads) and may have earnt £100 Selling our DVDs and CDs. Books next. Car boot sales start in may so we will do that too.

Also check out any local Facebook groups for nearly new/second hand stuff for baby.

There are ways and I always remind myself that there are people with
Less money but they manage. And days out can be free (walks, picnics etc... Although I know winter is more difficult )

Good luck!

A few things:

• take a shorter maternity leave. 9+ months is a privilege of wealthy now. Could you return after Easter?

• could you also work longer 3 days and have 4th day free?

• a nanny charges per family not per child. So if you employed a nanny now, the cost would be the same for 1/2/3 etc children. Also look at a nanny share as cost shared with another family also

Lots of things to calculate. Taking a shorter maternity leave is one, all methods of childcare, not going part time to maintain your full income etc.

Don't regret your qualifications, they are the very things that got you your job and that is supporting your child.

We won't be having a second till ds qualifies for some free hours and is closer towards school age. I'm lucky that I'll be able to work school hours so if I can hold of dc2 going to nursery till ds is in school that would be great.
Having said that, we would be happy with one child if a second one doesn't happen for us.

Today we looked at all out different household insurances and worked out we could save over £80 a month. We then looked at our mortgage and found out that if we move it and pay the fee to do so it'll save us £12000 over the next 4 years. Hate myself for not doing this ages ago!!!

Have you asked your employer if they would implement childcare vouchers? They don't actually cost the company anything- my DH got it set up at his workplace. I am sure that Labour wouldn't get rid of the existing schemes, if anything the voucher scheme was more generous for higher earners under them.

Cut the cost of as many household bills as possible, especially things like grocery shopping. I read a good book called 'how to afford time off with your children' by be my Goddard-hill and while some of the advice is out of date re means tested benefits, there have been lots of helpful tips in there that I've used.

Tbh, if you've taken a while to conceive your first, given your age, I would just start TTC. The 15 free hours of childcare when baby turns 3 will make a big difference, especially if you only need a few afternoons of childcare anyway. You may regret it forever, and you're in a stable relationship, got a good career, some financial hardship for a few years is worth it imho.

We were in a similar situation in that we couldn't afford two children, we went for it anyway:

I took a relative short mat leave of 6 months and OH took additional paternity leave as I'm the higher earner.

By the time OH went back to work, Ds got his 15 hours, which helped a little bit.

OH changed is his job and works part time. He's agency at the moment and whilst that isn't brilliant, the flexibility works for us.

I work compressed hours, 4 long days. It is a killer, but means we have 1 less day of childcare to pay for. I think you only having to pay for afternoons of childcare is pretty much the best set up you can get. Maybe you should do compressed hours so you still have A full time salary.

About a year later, Ds has just started in school and Dd will start in September 2016.

Whilst on paper, it didn't look like we could afford it, it was about 12 months of having two in nursery. If you work it out like in steps it isn't too bad eg
Mat leave for 12 months
15 free hours
Dc1 starting school
Dc2 free hours
Dc2 starting school

Btw many mortgages are classed as 'portable' ie you can take it if you move house. Check on your paperwork to see if yours is.

Thank you for all of the replies, I'm feeling much more positive!

My thoughts on a shorter mat leave.....I think if we cut this one short and then I didn't get pregnant, I would really regret it. We're going to look at the figures and work it out realistically though, even a fortnight will mean a few hundred pounds in the bank. DH is going to take the remainder, which isn't so much of a hit. I guess next time if it's a choice between a short mat leave and no baby then I could take much less. My little one is fast asleep on my tummy as I write this and looking at his little face I can't bear to go back at all! I know I'm not alone with this but after waiting all this time for him I don't want to rush back to work on the off chance we'll conceive another one. My mum and dad have given us a few hundred pounds to eke out the leave a bit more anyway.

I've a few more ideas now on working hours. It's all theoretical at the moment anyway as they may say no. I could do more hours on the 4 days I'm there, so maybe 32 or 34 rather than 30. How do people feel doing long days and not seeing their little ones? Luckily my commute is only 15 minutes. I sort of want to save those 2 or 4 hours as a bargaining tool, in case they're not keen on the 4 day week. Again, it's cutting back on time with my little one to save for a child that may never be born, it's such a tough decision to make.

I'll look at the threads mentioned as well, I'm sure we could cut our food and takeaways bill! I'm not bothered about buying new things for a new baby and most of our stuff is unisex anyway. We should wait a year anyway as I had an emcs so maybe September is the time to review things.

I'll also check about childcare vouchers, I'm the only one with a baby there! The new tax relief is meant to be coming in though isn't it? So we would get 20% of our childcare costs back.

Congrats Olivia (I'm in herts too + it's so expensive isn't it? If I lived at home with the salary I have here we could afford as many childrem as we wanted!). We conceived with clomid in the end, a week before our ivf referral. If we need ivf next time though there's another huge expense....

Xxx

Hedgehog

Glad you are feeling more positive.

Herts is expensive but not as expensive as others places but it depends where you live... Maybe you are in a nicer more expensive part of herts ? We don't live that close to a station and so our house was more affordable.

Re mat leave, I'm going back a few weeks early ie at the end of the smp period so at least I won't have a period without pay. We took out a loan a few months ago and are saving the money to cover the three months of smp as we probably wouldn't get a loan on my reduced salary. I'm lucky with my work as I get a back to work bonus which will sort out most of the loan. If you are credit card and loan savvy you can get great deals on interest free (that's how we paid for the ivf) but borrowing and getting into debt is a tricky and potentially dangerous way of living but it has worked for us so far.

All I can say is people manage and things change. I'm a planner so it's hard for me to do but I'm trying to relax about the money (and save hard now) because I'm desperate to have number 2 due to our fertility issues (primarily my age) so I would always tell people not to delay having children. I regret having my first so late but then I didn't meet my DH until I was 35 so it wasn't really in my control.

It's great your husband can do the childcare in the mornings and hopefully your work can be a bit flexible. I hope it all works out for you!