how much do you pay your parents to live there for a few weeks?

[mumandlovingit]

in august my dp became my exdp.he moved out and stayed with friends and we've moved on in our relationship alot since then and are tring to work things out but he is currently sleeping on the sofa at his parents until we feel (mainly me) that things are sorted enough in our relationship and with the children so that he can move home again.

his parents claim every disability benefit under the sun, have more income than we had come in when we were a family and he was working and we were claiming tax credits etc.

they are always going on about how skint they are but spend 3 times the amount we did on food and buy whatever they want when they want

they've also go their other son permanently living with them.he earns more than my dp and also is there every evening, eating loads, there all the time and alot of of the things like their phone and tv are paid by him as he wanted them and has sky etc.

my dp takes home £110 on a good week as he works through an agency and hasnt got set hours each week.he isnt there apart from sleeping on the sofa and showering every morning and she washes his clothes.he doesnt eat there as he comes to mine after work each day.

his mother is now wanting £50-£60 a week for him staying there.their rent is only £45!!

by the time he's paid that out and paid his credit cards etc and given me a little money for the kids that he's promised each week he's left with nothing.

am i being wrong for thinking that she is taking the p*ss?? she always has been out for everything she can get from anyone.

im finding it hard coping on income support and ive got bills to pay and a car to run and i know it sounds selfish but he was helping me with things for the kid and without that ive only got £25 a week for food.she spends over £100 a week on food for 3 of them!

i know some people may think im being unreasonable but surely its too much to ask him to pay for literally sleeping on the couch, shower and clothes wshed?

anyone been in this situation.im wondering if shes doing it so i'll take him back qicker.i certainly feel perssured to.

Thats totally off if you ask me.

Even as a working adult and living at home, I paid my mum and dad £100 a month.

For sleeping on a sofa - I wouldnt charge - he would be my son after all and he is on a low income.

Yes - could be to take him back quicker. If you don't want to take him back yet I would suggest he gives her 20 a week and explains that he is still supporting his children and can't afford anything more. And if she know how he can claim extra help maybe she should point him in the right direction!

Well we are having to stay with my mum at the moment, there is me,dp & our 2 young children, me & the kids are here most days & we have a room to sleep in, i do most of our washing but mum mostly cooks for us all, we pay £50 a week for all of us & that is because i insist she says no put i totally insist, she is doing us a favour.

My brother also lives at home & he works full time bringing in a big wage, she does his washing, ironing & feeds him & all she takes off him is £30 a week....

thats what i thought.ive just read my post and all my spelling mistakes!

he's going to have to talk to her and tell er that he just cant afford to give her that amount of money each week.

we are hoping to have him home before christmas for the kids but i feel so pressured to have him back earlier than im comfortable with.

she's a hard person to talk to and im worried that if he talks to her she'll say pay it or move out.

i just feel that its too much.£20-£30 maybe.he gave her £50 last week as he worked more hours for more money etc and to help her out as she had her dog at the vets.now she's expecting it every week.she left him here last night after they'd visited the children, as he's stayed over as we're going shopping today with the kids birthday vouchers and she collared him before she left about her money.he went to give her less and she asked him for the same as last week.

we're supposed to be going out for the day tomorrow and i know i'll find it hard to keep my mouth shut with her there but i also know its not up to me to sort out.

I dont think they should ask anything of him. He is their son and having a hard time. I think its totally unreasonable.

im going to show him this thread when he's up so that he can see other people's opinions and not just mine.

ive had so many arguments with them in the past regarding money and the children and oter issues and things have finally settled down and i dont want to upset it all by it being me saying something.

i pointed out last night that he's got other outgoings this week and she still asked him for it.he's supposed to be buying halloween costumes for the children and giving me my money for them but no doubt that'll go out the window now.

i cant take him back until his hours have settled down for us to claim together and i cant take him back before i really know that things are going to stay better etc

I'm sorry to disagree, but I'm a firm believer that when you are living in other people's houses you have to follow their rules or find another option.

However.... as a student boarding in a crappy house you are expected to get a your own bedroom, a bed (most times a double), a desk and a wardrobe and that all services are covered for around £55 pw (in my area). Is she providing all that?I don't think she has the right to ask for that sort of money if she is just offering a sofa to sleep on in the middle of a common area. So yes... she's taking the p... or maybe she just wants to push your xp into action to find more jobs or another place.

he works wherever the agency put him.next week he will be paid less as he has 1 1/2 days with no work this week.

he's got bills to pay etc and i think she will still expect it from him.

he is sleeping in the lounge where they sit up until gone midnight watching tv while he tries to sleep.he gets picked up for work at 6.30am at the moment.he's knackered.the tv is on at a ridiculusly loud level too.

we're hoping if things stay ok for him to be back around end of november but im just waiting for the arguments in the meantime.they only took him in as he literally didnt have anywhere else to go.he's living out of his suitcase.he asnt even got anywhere to hang his clothes.

i think if she's determined he's paying that amount then he's going to have to make sure that he's not buying food out and that he's eating there etc to save abit of money.

csa havent contacted him yet but im going to tell him to tell her that they've told him to pay the 25% that he's supposed to pay.she'll know then that there isnt alot left out of the wages and hopefully let him pay less.

She's probably trying to persuade him to sort himself out a bit. My mum charges my brother £50 a week in the hope he will move out,.

she knows that we are trying to work things out and that he's hoping to be here before christmas

i think she's trying to get what money se can out of him whilst he's there

she knows im short of money and struggling.you would have though she'd tell him to give her less and spend the rest on the kids

Why don't you just let him come back? What difference will a month make, surely he could sleep on your sofa until your relationship is sorted?

at the moment the pick up for his work is 4 miles away where he's living

he's keeping the promises he's made but he's only been working for a couple of weeks and i want to make sure that he sticks to it and also sticks to working at our relationship

i dont want him moving back too son and things going wrong and the kids getting hurt again.

we were all destraught when he left and they're just getting used to the fact that daddy still loves mummy and that we're a couple as such again

i dont want them having everything too much too soon and messing their heads up again.they didnt understand when he left, they only saw him a couple of days a week and we certainly weren't together.that was only august.

since then they're seeing him alot more, nearly everyday, he's more affectionate towards me again and we're moving forwrd.they've got to get that into their heads first.

my eldest asked the other day if daddy loves me again now as he didnt when he left.it broke my heart

Any chance you could explain that to his mum? They are her grandchildren after all and she may just want to know that he will be leaving eventually. She does sound a bit of a weapon tbh and the amount is at least 50 per cent more than she deserves but is there a chance that if you talked to her it might take the pressure off for a few weeks.

if i talk to her it will end up in an argument and pas issues will be brought up no doubt.they've had things at theirhouse for the the grandkids that they know we needed for them and wouldnt let us use them! i doubt i'll get very far with this issue

she knows full well that we hope for him to be back before xmas and its not permanent.i think she sees him as a meal ticket

i cant have him back here yet.some days are great, others i feel like we've got no where.the kids need stability and until we can give tem that i cant do it

i love him to bits and really want s to work but he knows it will take time and him moving back is a huge step for me and the kids and i hope he realises that i just cant do that yet.

i think i need to realise that its his mum, its his place to talk to her about it and its also his money

i just hate seeing her treat him like a t**t like she always does in the end

Well tbh mumandlovingit, you are right, it is his relationship with his mum and his money and he has to stand up to her if he wants to. sounds like you have enough on your plate without worrying about his stuff too.

he's read most of this thread and hasn't really commented much.he knows how i feel about it.i know he's not happy but it just depends o whetherhe's going to let her walk all over him like he usually does.

he doesnt stand up to her very often as she's very dominating.i think because of that she feels she can do what she likes.

its just nice to know that im not the only one that thinks she's unreasonable.