Should I ask for maintenance?

[MissMole]

XP and I weren't married. 3 children. I work 20 hours and get topped up with TC and CHB. His income is twice mine. We split the equity from property equally. He has the children with him at weekends. We have an informal arrangement whereby he pays for the bulk of the children's stuff beyond food, like school meals, trips, some clothing, some shoes.
However due to the informal nature of the arrangement I often just pay for stuff because I feel like it- I got the school shoes this year for instance. Or because it's for items needed at my house- new underwear all round recently. Or because he hasn't got round to paying for something and it becomes urgent- school trip etc.
I don't think I can actually afford some of this. I suggested a joint account when we split. Nothing got done. Suggested again recently after the last minute school trip panic. No response.
Apart from the financial struggle it causes, constantly having to say ask your dad when the children need or want something is making me feel crap. If we had a joint account into which I paid a small amount monthly and him a larger amount it would solve the problems. Or am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn't want a joint account with an ex.

But you would not be unreasonable to ask for maintenance for the kids.

If an informal arrangement isn't working, formalise it. Work out what is a reasonable amount and have him put it in your account by standing order or direct debit each month agreeing exactly what it is supposed to cover. A joint account with an ex is not a good idea.

Is this a relatively recent split?

Split will be a year in November.
So, is it reasonable to ask even though he has them late Friday to early Monday?

I agree if an informal arrangement isn't working then you should look into making it formal. The csa will take into consideration the amount of time spent with their dad. My SIL was in the same predicament as yourself and kept putting off going to the csa to try and keep things amicable but in the end she just could not afford to pay for everything the children needed. Good luck

I would suggest making a better arrangement soon. Talk to him.
We had an arrangement, he paid £250 a month for our son, that was 2002. He got a new gf, then dropped it to £150 saying he couldn't afford it. 12 years on its still the same amount. DC don't get cheaper as they grow mines 16 and over 6 ft tall.

Yes it's reasonable because you're classed as the resident parent and that's the convention. It also sets a precedent of a regular monthly sum which will be useful if he should ever try to reduce the amount he pays. People are often most accommodating in the immediate aftermath of a break-up. But when they get going on their new life with all the costs involved - maybe new partners and extra children etc - then that's when verbal agreements can get conveniently forgotten. So start as you mean to go on.

Yes, formalise it. I had to with my Ex, as he was dropping the amount continuously and then announced he wasn't paying anything. Meanwhile my career chances were being hampered by having to bring up our children alone - he only saw them once a month so that he could excel at his job and have a social life.

The CSA were remarkably efficient, once I gave them his name, address, and name of employer. They also dealt with the brunt of his shitty attitude over the phone so I didn't have to.