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how to help dp? debt related

7 replies

noideawottoget · 03/10/2014 13:20

dp has some debts which were accrued when he was with his ex. basically she bled him dry, then kicked him out and left him paying off these debts and paying maintenance for their child. he is still paying those debts now, and has borrowed more to pay them as his pay dates have changed and the debt people will not be flexible on his payment dates. he has now got to the point where he cannot borrow any more, and does not have enough to pay his debts. what can i do to help? or find more info etc to help him? i cannot pay the debts as the money i get pays all the household bills, food etc except the rent which he pays. i cannot afford to pay the rent. he is massively stressed, and putting it all on me (although he tries not to, but i ask what is going on) and i have my own stresses to deal with as well.

OP posts:
Middleagedmotheroftwo · 03/10/2014 13:22

Go and see the CAB, or take advice somewhere. Get all the debts consolidated and agree a payment schedule you/he can afford.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/10/2014 13:53

He needs to take responsibility for his finances, not blame the ex, not take it out on you, and get some professional advice from one of the free debt advice services e.g. CAB or similar.

How long has he been your DP?

noideawottoget · 03/10/2014 15:46

oh he isnt blaming it on me at all, i just dont like seeing him so down. he is in a very low paid job which he hates at the best of times, and the debt his ex got him into (basically where he was giving her money to pay the bills and she wasnt paying them) and its really getting to him. i am worried about him. he had a period on the sick earlier this year, he was off for 3 months on statutory sick pay and he still hasnt financially recovered from that. we have been together just over a year now

OP posts:
LIZS · 03/10/2014 15:48

www.stepchange.org/

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/10/2014 20:18

He has to take full responsibility for getting the advice, working through the plan, getting a better-paid job, managing a budget... even going bankrupt if that's what they recommend.

You're paying everything bar the rent and that's a massive outlay on someone you've only been with a year. For how much of the time you've been together has he actually been happy, solvent, employed and contributing? Be careful OP. The world is full of people who would like a free ride.

noisytoys · 04/10/2014 10:49

It concerns me where you say he can not borrow anymore. If he is saddled with someone else's debt that he is struggling to repay, why would he want to borrow any more. And is it really his ex's debt or is it in his name?

lacksdirection · 04/10/2014 11:09

Has your DP sought professional advice via citizens advice or a free debt advisory service?
Is there a possibility of your DP finding a better paid job?
If he is unlikely to find a better paid job, how long would he need to make repayments without borrowing any more money from anywhere and what help would he need in this time to enable him to do this?

Are you joint tenants on your property?

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