Looking after yourself v's the life the kids should have

[Shenton]

I'm really struggling.
My kids dad has basically walked out on us. I'm getting everything I'm entitled to but we can't make ends meet.
I have no pension really, no savings and whenever I get a bit extra I tend to spend it on the kids but really I know I should be looking after myself.
I have a house which he says he'll sign over to me once it's paid for - huge gamble I know and if anyone knows a way I can protect myself in that situation I'd be grateful. The mortgage is in his name but the payments come from my account which I'm sure counts for nothing.

Thank you ... Yes we do

Yes I am married ... My concern I guess is I'm going to get 50% of nothing, there's nothing really to split only the future potential value of the house if that makes sense ? But I don't see why he should benefit from that when I'm keeping the ship afloat. I wondered if there's anyway of preventing that I guess. Otherwise I have to think if myself and build up a pension letting go of everything I'd hoped my DCs would have growing up.

I'm sorry, this is so tough

How old are your children?

I think you need urgent legal advice - ring someone today. Could a family member possibly fund a proper legal discussion? Savings, pension, legal security DO represent spending money on the children.

They are 14,12,10 and 4 .... I agree but I don't think they will see my life insurance payments in the same light. It's so depressing

You need to go and see a couple of solictors for their free half hour, choose the one you like the most and go and see them properly. You have rights, you need to go and find out what they are and how to enforce them.

Do not carry on living like this, with only his word to go on.

I've been told I can get a consent order ... As soon as I ask him for anything in writing he threatens to withdraw child support ... He is paying double what he has to but only so I can work and pay Childcare I don't see any of it, 50% of bugger all is still bugger all isn't it.

Hello,
I am sorry you are having a crap time, it sounds awful, but you really need proper legal advice, he has to pay to support his kids and you do have rights over your home - do see a solicitor.

Meantime, why not have a rant on the relationship board and talk to other ladies who are or have been in your shoes?
best of luck

You really do need to get legal advice and to go through the proper process of divorce, financial settlement and a formal order for child support. Your ex is twisting everything at the moment, seems to be exerting a lot of control and it would be foolish to rely solely on his goodwill. I would also suggest you downsize as far as is reasonable so that you are less reliant on any future award of his money in general. If the family home has to be sacrificed in the process, at least think it through as an option. He currently appears to have the means to pull the financial rug from under your feet and that's not a good position to be in for any length of time.

Legal advice.