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Scared and desperate

16 replies

amth83 · 15/09/2014 15:29

I am 30 and married with a 7 year old.
I am in a professional role and used to earn an average salary. My husband was a mature student and worked part-time, so things we weren't comfortable but we managed to live within our means.

One day at work the authority came in and closed the firm down. There was no warning, and no redundancy pay.
I didn't receive any redundancy pay, and I left work with 6 weeks wages owing to me. My income was suddenly zero. I applied everywhere for jobs in my field, couldn't even get an interview. Perhaps due to the reputation of the firm that I was coming from. I started to apply for anything, and again didn't get interviewed. I even got emails saying that I was overqualified. I didn't care about being overqualified, I just wanted to pay the rent and the bills.

My husband was in full time employment by then and tried to keep up with all payments, but we got behind with council tax, gas and electric.
I started to claim job seekers, although I wasnt entitled to housing or council tax benefit. My husband, however said that he was no longer willing to pay all of the rent as he stated that he shouldn't have to. We fell further into arrears.

Fortunately I am now in work. As a trainee I must be paid 18k a year, but the boss cannot afford it. As such I am registered as self employed and get paid 50% of what I make, almost like a commision. I earn around £650 per month and work 55 hours a week. When I first started here I earned nothing, and then went up to £350, it is now at £650, as such it is increasing and I estimate that by November I should be able to make enough to live on.

In the mean time, I am struggling to pay off the arrears and to deal with my debt. I feel scared to go home and see what letters there are. My husband no lonegr contributes at all.
I do typing work from home to try to get some more money in. My husband refuses to make up for the short fall in the rent, council tax, gas or electric and won't help me pay off the arrears because he says that it is my fault that we got them. Some months he doesn't pay anything at all.

He says that I am 'without worth', and always used that turn of phrase instead of just saying 'worthless'. He is really violent and I want to move away because I am scared of him. He has always been worse when he is stressed, and he's obviously stressed right now.
My parents have room for me and my son (they don't know about any of the problems), but my husband says that I am being selfish to try to take our son away from him. I don't want to take our son away at all, I just dont want to live with my husband. I just want to get away from him because I'm scared of him. I can't cope with him or with the debt. I'm scared to go home in the evenings but of course have to, because our son is there. Our son has bever seen his father be violent, the pair of them are inseparable, my parents do live 70 miles away so I can see my husband's point about separating them, which is why I have stayed with him for 7 years. But at the same time I've always got bruises, I have pains down my right arm constantly, I previously lost my voice due to brusing of teh vocal chords after he strangled me, I have had bruising to my face from wheer he has bitten me, scratches across my face. I am always telling people that I have tonsilitis or that I fell over in the train station in my heels.
He was first violent towards me when I was pregnant, and I wish that I had gone then, but he convinced me that he had changed. He stopped for months and then it started again when our son was 4 months old. Now we live near his family and I'm scared of them so I just pretend that everything is fine. I am scared to leave him, but to stay in the area because I don't know what his family will do. I think if my husband could promise not to tell them where I am, and would also promise not to hound me, I would stay in the area, but whenever I try to speak to him about it he goes mental. If he could stay calm enough to have a conversation I feel as though we could compromise but he goes mad and says that I deserve it. I've tried to speak to his dad before, but he just said 'what did you do to annoy him?' and then his mother phoned me and told me not to do anything to wind him up and not to nag him and then I'll be fine. The thing is that sometimes things "wind him up" even if you dont think that they will. You dont have to be trying to talk to him about something contentious or sensitive in order to wind him up. Sometimes he is just generally annoyed. I try to speak to him from the hallway doorway. If he gets up from the sofa whilst speaking to me I know I have more than enough time to get to the bedroom and usually he wont follow me, but sometimes he does.
I don't know what to do about him or about the debt. I know the effect that suicide has on families, so I know that it isn't an option and I couldn't leave my son, but I just dont want to wake up. I also know that the most important thing is that my son is happy, and right now he is, he has no clue, we never argue in front of him and he doesnt know that I have no money. I don't see a way out of my situation.

OP posts:
Didyouevah · 15/09/2014 17:14

Please call women's aid and they can advise.

The debt is the least of your worries; you're not safe!

Good luck x

PatriciaHolm · 15/09/2014 17:15

Talk to the police, then to women's aid. tel:0808 2000 247.

You need to get out, and fast. He is financially, emotionally and physically abusing you. Please get out, for both your and your sons sakes.

PatriciaHolm · 15/09/2014 17:18

Ps - your son deserves, and needs, a happy mother. Children are observant, and he will notice. Plus he needs to grow up knowing what good relationships are, not abusive ones.

kissmyheathenass · 15/09/2014 17:19

You cant live in fear. Please fin the strength to seek help right now, don't wait. You are in a dangerous place.

dimsum123 · 15/09/2014 17:19

You poor thing. You have been through a lot. I agree call women's aid. And tell your parents and go and stay there. Put your health and well being above all else for now, including above your DS's desire to see his father.

Azquilith · 15/09/2014 17:23

Get out. Get out. Call women's aid.

IamMummyhearmeROAR · 15/09/2014 17:24

What a brave post. Let me assure you that you are not 'without worth'. What you are though is ground down by a violent man and you must leave him, for your sake and your son's. Every other issue can and will wait until you are in a safe place. Please go to your parents or contact Women's Aid. No debt will weigh as heavy on you as living in fear of violence.

SoonToBeSix · 15/09/2014 17:25

Am so sorry , please get some support and help to take your son and leave. Thanks

SoonToBeSix · 15/09/2014 17:28

Op I have asked for this to be moved to relationships . Hope that's ok. I think the issue is your husband not money.

petalsandstars · 15/09/2014 17:30

Physical emotional and financial abuse. Please call women's aid and get away from this horror of a man. He would rather not pay the rent and support his child and wife - let him sort himself out. Get out and get the physical especially documented. Call the police if it happens again!

glenthebattleostrich · 15/09/2014 17:31

Well done for posting op.

Agree, call women's aid. There is certainly one person without worth in your relationship and it certainly is not you.

Good luck op.

glenthebattleostrich · 15/09/2014 17:32

Oh, and please report the violence. That will help you get legal aid to get this dispicable creature out of your life.

MrsCaptainReynolds · 15/09/2014 17:40

What is your relationship with your parents like?

If it's ok, perhaps now is the time to go back home and start again.

Your DH sounds like a waste of O2 who won't make effort to follow you. But if you stay, you sound like you are at serious risk of being killed or disabled (this is where strangulation leads).

You and your son can start again and be happy.

Italiangreyhound · 15/09/2014 17:45

You are not without worth. You are a valuable person, you are the mother of your son, the daughter of your parents and most of all you are you. These people love you and this man has abused you and ground you down. He does not deserve you.

Please call Women's Aid and get all the support you can.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

You can get debt advice but as others have said your most urgent need is to be safe.

Pensionerpeep · 15/09/2014 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grumpyoldblonde · 19/09/2014 11:19

Op are you ok? As others have said, get out, now - today, please let us know you are ok x

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