I am 30 and married with a 7 year old.
I am in a professional role and used to earn an average salary. My husband was a mature student and worked part-time, so things we weren't comfortable but we managed to live within our means.
One day at work the authority came in and closed the firm down. There was no warning, and no redundancy pay.
I didn't receive any redundancy pay, and I left work with 6 weeks wages owing to me. My income was suddenly zero. I applied everywhere for jobs in my field, couldn't even get an interview. Perhaps due to the reputation of the firm that I was coming from. I started to apply for anything, and again didn't get interviewed. I even got emails saying that I was overqualified. I didn't care about being overqualified, I just wanted to pay the rent and the bills.
My husband was in full time employment by then and tried to keep up with all payments, but we got behind with council tax, gas and electric.
I started to claim job seekers, although I wasnt entitled to housing or council tax benefit. My husband, however said that he was no longer willing to pay all of the rent as he stated that he shouldn't have to. We fell further into arrears.
Fortunately I am now in work. As a trainee I must be paid 18k a year, but the boss cannot afford it. As such I am registered as self employed and get paid 50% of what I make, almost like a commision. I earn around £650 per month and work 55 hours a week. When I first started here I earned nothing, and then went up to £350, it is now at £650, as such it is increasing and I estimate that by November I should be able to make enough to live on.
In the mean time, I am struggling to pay off the arrears and to deal with my debt. I feel scared to go home and see what letters there are. My husband no lonegr contributes at all.
I do typing work from home to try to get some more money in. My husband refuses to make up for the short fall in the rent, council tax, gas or electric and won't help me pay off the arrears because he says that it is my fault that we got them. Some months he doesn't pay anything at all.
He says that I am 'without worth', and always used that turn of phrase instead of just saying 'worthless'. He is really violent and I want to move away because I am scared of him. He has always been worse when he is stressed, and he's obviously stressed right now.
My parents have room for me and my son (they don't know about any of the problems), but my husband says that I am being selfish to try to take our son away from him. I don't want to take our son away at all, I just dont want to live with my husband. I just want to get away from him because I'm scared of him. I can't cope with him or with the debt. I'm scared to go home in the evenings but of course have to, because our son is there. Our son has bever seen his father be violent, the pair of them are inseparable, my parents do live 70 miles away so I can see my husband's point about separating them, which is why I have stayed with him for 7 years. But at the same time I've always got bruises, I have pains down my right arm constantly, I previously lost my voice due to brusing of teh vocal chords after he strangled me, I have had bruising to my face from wheer he has bitten me, scratches across my face. I am always telling people that I have tonsilitis or that I fell over in the train station in my heels.
He was first violent towards me when I was pregnant, and I wish that I had gone then, but he convinced me that he had changed. He stopped for months and then it started again when our son was 4 months old. Now we live near his family and I'm scared of them so I just pretend that everything is fine. I am scared to leave him, but to stay in the area because I don't know what his family will do. I think if my husband could promise not to tell them where I am, and would also promise not to hound me, I would stay in the area, but whenever I try to speak to him about it he goes mental. If he could stay calm enough to have a conversation I feel as though we could compromise but he goes mad and says that I deserve it. I've tried to speak to his dad before, but he just said 'what did you do to annoy him?' and then his mother phoned me and told me not to do anything to wind him up and not to nag him and then I'll be fine. The thing is that sometimes things "wind him up" even if you dont think that they will. You dont have to be trying to talk to him about something contentious or sensitive in order to wind him up. Sometimes he is just generally annoyed. I try to speak to him from the hallway doorway. If he gets up from the sofa whilst speaking to me I know I have more than enough time to get to the bedroom and usually he wont follow me, but sometimes he does.
I don't know what to do about him or about the debt. I know the effect that suicide has on families, so I know that it isn't an option and I couldn't leave my son, but I just dont want to wake up. I also know that the most important thing is that my son is happy, and right now he is, he has no clue, we never argue in front of him and he doesnt know that I have no money. I don't see a way out of my situation.