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Original poster

"friend" defaulted on loan and is avoiding me

airedailleurs · 2014-09-04T12:10:20+00:00

Would really appreciate some advice here: - a few months ago a work colleague was really distressed as bailiffs were outside her house waiting to enter and take her things unless she repaid a debt. - I was really concerned for her as she has a young daughter and lent quite a large (4-figure) sum of money, and we both signed a loan agreement printed off from a legal website on internet, whereby she agreed to repay me £200 per month (she suggested the amount) by direct debit. - after only 3 months she cancelled the direct debit because £700 of unpaid council tax was deducted from her salary (the council concerned had arranged this with our employer) - she then arranged for this unpaid council tax to be repaid £100 each month, and started to pay me back again, this time at £100 per month, which already contravened the terms of our loan agreement but I was ok with this due to the council tax, but thought it odd that she hadn't mentioned this outstanding council tax debt to me. - She did not re-establish the direct debit and has paid me a total of £700 since receiving the loan, with me having to request the money from her each month. - I resigned from my job in July so we no longer see each other at work, but until this morning we were facebook friends and were in touch this way. I have been trying to contact her to see if she was in a position to make the payment due on 31st August, but she hasn't responded to my messages and has now "unfriended" me on facebook. - I can't believe that someone I thought was a friend would behave in this way; I have been nothing but generous and understanding with her. As she is not responding to my attempts to contact her to discuss an amicable way forward, do you think it's unreasonable to take legal action against her? Would appreciate your views please.

130 replies

airedailleurs · 04/09/2014 13:10

Would really appreciate some advice here:

a few months ago a work colleague was really distressed as bailiffs were outside her house waiting to enter and take her things unless she repaid a debt.

I was really concerned for her as she has a young daughter and lent quite a large (4-figure) sum of money, and we both signed a loan agreement printed off from a legal website on internet, whereby she agreed to repay me £200 per month (she suggested the amount) by direct debit.

after only 3 months she cancelled the direct debit because £700 of unpaid council tax was deducted from her salary (the council concerned had arranged this with our employer)

she then arranged for this unpaid council tax to be repaid £100 each month, and started to pay me back again, this time at £100 per month, which already contravened the terms of our loan agreement but I was ok with this due to the council tax, but thought it odd that she hadn't mentioned this outstanding council tax debt to me.

She did not re-establish the direct debit and has paid me a total of £700 since receiving the loan, with me having to request the money from her each month.

I resigned from my job in July so we no longer see each other at work, but until this morning we were facebook friends and were in touch this way. I have been trying to contact her to see if she was in a position to make the payment due on 31st August, but she hasn't responded to my messages and has now "unfriended" me on facebook.

I can't believe that someone I thought was a friend would behave in this way; I have been nothing but generous and understanding with her. As she is not responding to my attempts to contact her to discuss an amicable way forward, do you think it's unreasonable to take legal action against her?

Would appreciate your views please.

OP posts:

rainbowinmyroom · 04/09/2014 20:37

So upsetting. I'll bet there are loads of people she burned for thousands.

Original poster

airedailleurs · 04/09/2014 20:58

I'll be interested to see what response I get from the manager at work, at the very least now she knows what my so-called "friend" is really like...

OP posts:

fuzzpig · 04/09/2014 21:16

I dread to think how much she owes to other people too. There is no way you're the first she has done this to

pluCaChange · 04/09/2014 22:00

Okay, so the concert tickets beneficiary can't loan her money. However, the cash-splash:

gives the public impression that she's got money, and would be "good for" any "loan" advanced by someone else.
and is a real kick in the teeth for you: you are paying for her to look benevolent/ schmooze someone else, when she should be paying you (and others) back, or at least not disregarding you like this.

You need to look tougher, so she switches back to trying to make you happy!

Original poster

airedailleurs · 04/09/2014 22:11

I confronted her about the concert tickets and she did actually look embarrassed about it...

What do people think about me emailing her bosses at work to tell them what she has done? I am so angry I would enjoy that but it's probably well out of order...

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SolidGoldBrass · 04/09/2014 22:19

I think if you email her bosses, they might sack her, which will make it even less likely that she pays you back.

It sounds like she's about to crash and burn financially, and unfortunately if she is bankrupted or put onto a debt management plan, 'friends' tend to be at the bottom of the payback list.

iK8 · 04/09/2014 22:25

Work won't be involved because it was a private arrangement. Unless you work in financial services where being in financial difficulties is a big deal and has to be declared and people can be dismissed.

However, I'm amazed you lent money to somebody who was clearly unable to manage their debts to the point the bailiffs were round. She was never going to be able to pay it back.

I am really sorry for you though. You meant well and she is clearly behaving terribly.

pluCaChange · 04/09/2014 22:26

I'd do it more informally than am unsolicited email (unless she's in a profession in wjich you must remain solvent, which doesn't sound likely).

Ypu may scupper your chances of moving back into the company, if those bosses think you're "going to cause some unpleasantness". That sounds crazy, but a lot of managers are crap, and hate confrontation (basically hate what it is they ought to be doing).

Probanly best to do it through your personal networks, so each person who hears is always hearing from a source s/he knows.

When you get back in, inform any compliance department, in case she's got any access to money or contracts which she could grant for backhanders...

Original poster

airedailleurs · 04/09/2014 22:28

yes it's a financial services firm, a big one, but she is a secretary so not sure if that counts...

I just couldn't stand by and watch her in such distress, logically I shouldn't have lent her the money but I felt too sorry for her. I'm obviously an idiot!

OP posts:

rainbowinmyroom · 04/09/2014 22:31

I think the money is gone. Sorry, but you won't get it back. She has tons of creditors and probably will be forced to go bankrupt.

iK8 · 04/09/2014 22:31

Yeah you are an idiot but a compassionate one and you'd have to be pretty heartless not to feel for you.

As to her work position it depends on her exact role and what she has access to in terms of data and transactions. Some firms have a blanket requirement to declare regardless of role.

EverythingCounts · 04/09/2014 22:33

I wouldn't mention it to work as there's nothing really they can do and it calls the judgement of both of you into question. Best to pursue it yourself through small claims court if necessary.

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/09/2014 08:46

I'd start small claims court action, she is probably hoping you'll just go away.

Newbizmum · 06/09/2014 14:06

If she owns property, you can eventually get a charge on her house.

Small claims, no payment, CCJ, no payment, back to court for a charging order over her house.

Original poster

airedailleurs · 10/09/2014 09:11

small claims court action started...

no she doesn't own property unfortunately...

still can't believe anyone could behave like this...

OP posts:

Onslow · 15/09/2014 09:14

What an awful situation. Did you hear back from the manager at your work?

Original poster

airedailleurs · 16/09/2014 09:04

onslow no I haven't heard from the manager at work, but there is further background to this in that I am in the middle of a grievance procedure against another manager (for bullying) and the one I contacted may have been told not to get in touch with me pending the outcome of this procedure.

At least they know at work now though, which makes me feel better.

I have now got over the initial shock of the "friend"'s behaviour and have started the small claims court action against her. I didn't have her current residential address but obtained it via a private investigator for a small fee!

I know she can afford to repay me, even if it's just £50 a month, as I have seen first-hand how she wastes her (my!) money.

Will provide updates when I have them!

Appreciate the support btw, thank you!

OP posts:

rainbowinmyroom · 16/09/2014 09:06

I hope it goes well, but I have a feeling you are one in a very long line of people she's burned.

Original poster

airedailleurs · 16/09/2014 09:38

rainbow yes I'm quite sure I'm not her only victim, but there is no way she can escape from the court I don't think...if she doesn't respond to the court papers (which I am not expecting her to do), I can apply to have the money she owes me deducted from her salary...

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zippey · 16/09/2014 15:19

I feel sorry for you and its a harsh lesson to learn, but its ironic that you are putting in a small claims against her, when its the sort of issue the loan was meant to solve!

Now you have her address, perhaps you could write to her? Or visit, if you dont hear a responce from writing.

I hope this works out. The programme Judge Judy has lots of episodes where friends and family stop paying on loans, and there is bad feeling on each side.

Original poster

airedailleurs · 16/09/2014 18:39

zippey I have had to resort to this court action because she is not answering my emails and has unfriended me on facebook, I have given her many chances to contact me and, actually, I shouldn't even have to remind her to pay, she should have a direct debit set up!!! Maybe you didn't read all the thread cos it's all in here...

I have witnessed how she has been flashing MY cash about, on luxuries that I don't permit myself I might add, so I have no doubt she can afford to pay me back and I actually want to really screw her because of how she has tried to take the piss out of me thinking she can get away with it.

Put it this way, this woman is no longer my friend, nor will she ever be (if she ever was at all)

OP posts:

Original poster

airedailleurs · 19/01/2015 11:46

update: I have asked to personally deliver court papers requesting her statement of means from her employer (instead of the bailiff doing it) so that an attachment of earnings can be set up and I will be repaid gradually at a rate decided by the judge.

just letting you know in case anyone else is in my position and wondering what to do...MCOL have been fantastic all along and would recommend the process wholeheartedly...

btw, a researcher for Judge Rinder on ITV saw this thread before Christmas and asked if I'd like to go on it. I agreed but the defendant refused, made me chuckle!

OP posts:

Fluffycloudland77 · 19/01/2015 14:00

Well done. I'd imagine your the first person to take her to task over it.

I wonder how many people she's done this to before?.

Original poster

airedailleurs · 19/01/2015 14:05

thanks! yes she was very good at grooming me for it, very practised I would say. I am just so relieved that I have been able to get justice (although it's not quite over yet!). I don't know how she can live with herself but I guess that's the criminal mindset for you...

OP posts:

Original poster

airedailleurs · 19/01/2015 14:26

and I shudder to think about the consequences of my agreeing to be guarantor for an Amigo loan, which is what she initially was after! I can't hear that ad on the radio without feeling a bit ill now!

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