Financial Abuse/CMA advice

[EmLou87]

Hi, I'm new to this but need some advice. I was in a relationship for 8 years with my ex, we have two children together,one 5 and the other 14 months. There has been domestic abuse in the relationship and police involved on a number of occasions. The house we lived in was in his name. He is an offshore worker and earns almost 2500 per week. Because of this I was not entitled to any benefits or tax credits, he also refused to help with nursery fees if I chose to work. I was given an allowance of 150 a week. From this i still had to pay gas electric food tv internet and utilities as such. At times he would be generous with money and buy things and tell me it was ok to go in town and use his card,rarely did I buy myself,always my children,sometimes I would go food shopping aswell. But after doing this he would say that I was spending too much and am rubbish with money and use this as further reason to keep paying an allowance.

My family and friends pointed out that this is abuse, that the money is family money and as I have no earnings I am paying a dispaportionate amount of money towards bills. They showed me on a website that if I were to go through the csa or CMA that I would receive double and obviously pointing out how much he was taking the p*

Anyway he doesn't admit that he is abusive,in fact he says I am for spending his money. He drives a brand new BMW,has a landrover and a golf. He buys all the most expensive things. When Christmas and birthdays come along ,I need to account for every penny spent. When I told him that I can't claim benefits,he said it was my own fault for not claiming to be single!!

I have left him. :)
I have my own house now just in the process of moving in, I don't have a lot of money, I am awaiting benefit payments to help me on my feet and am going to attend college in sept. I intend to apply for maintainance via CMA but trouble is he is classed as self employed! He uses an umbrella company to pay his wages and can use clever tricks to hide his income, I have read some horror stories about this. He also registers his cars in his grandparents names. My mum has done research on the matter and says I can get the court to apply for his bank statements. She has also told me that I can apply for compensation for having to leave the property for the millionth time,causing upset to my kids. I'm not being greedy,its just I know he wont agree to anything, I'm struggling as it is,it's been a hard few years and my kids deserve better and I think its about time he grew up and accept that as their dad he owes it to his kids a better life and trying to get at me by making things hard is hurting them also.

Any advice on the matter would be very appreciated

For proper advice you should talk to a solicitor. Preferably one with experience both with domestic abuse and also forensic accounting. However, don't be too optimistic. If he is self-employed and enough of a controlling tightwad that he wants to dodge not only paying his fair share of tax but also his responsibilities to his own children, even a good solicitor will be restricted in what they can do for you. Compensation for upset is very rare. Were you married? Does he have anything to do with the DCs... i.e. is there a formally/legally agreed contact schedule?

No we aren't married. I have contacted a local law centre and made an appointment for advice. We haven't made any agreements yet for anything. He works away for 3-6 weeks at a time and rarely has the children. When he has time off he keeps them during the day but rarely overnight, it is usually his mother who keeps the kids.

I would personally pursue the angle that, as you are a lone parent 24/7 with no breaks, you demand a higher level of child maintenance to compensate for you being restricted in your ability to earn a living. Whilst not suggesting that you hold the DCs up to ransom, as it were, I think you need to be a lot less flexible about contact until he is a lot more cooperative about finances.

Yes I think that may have to be the case,thanks for the advice, very difficult stressful time at the minute, the verbal abuse seems to be getting worse and more threats which will be reported to the police of course.

Do report all incidents to the police. In the meantime, keep communication to written only (text, e-mail) only. No telephone conversations or personal contact from now on. This does a few things. One is that it creates a record & a body of evidence that can be used against him. Another is that evidence of DV may qualify you for legal aid. Very importantly, it also shuts down the opportunities he has to continue the abuse. Abusive men don't let a little thing like separation get in between them and their victim.

Yeh I know,since iv got my house he has lost control and isn't liking it at all," its like he tries to find new ways to control the situation.