Advice, especially from anyone who's been a will executor

[UnquietDad]

My parents helped with our deposit when buying a house, as I'm sure a lot of people's parents do. They've also helped out a bit with DS's nursery fees, because they wanted to - I think they were shocked when they found out how much we had to pay.

My siblings are a lot older than me and, athough we get on well, there's always been a bit of an undercurrent about me being the "favoured" one as the youngest. Nothing is really said any more, but... we know to avoid the subject. They both bought their houses when I was much younger, and without any help. My career isn't as "traditional" as theirs and it took me a bit longer to get established, so I appreciated the help.

The point is, DW and I both think that this financial help is something we want to keep to ourselves, as there have been "issues" in the past (especially with my sister, who left home at 18) about me being supported by my parents through university when she had to go and work, etc. etc. (Should point out that she chose to leave home - if she'd wanted to stay they'd have supported her.)

I just wondered, a) what people think about our wanting to keep it to ourselves, and b) if there is any chance my siblings would ever find out we've had a chunk of financial help. This is where the will-executor question comes in. My brother is the executor of their will, and so when the day comes, hopefully a long way from now, when my parents are dead and gone, does this mean he'll have access to all their financial paperwork? And will it be glaringly obvious that they've given me and DW a big chunk of money that he and my sister never knew about?

(Of course, different people need help in different ways - they gave my brother an awful lot of emotional support when his marriage broke up, for example, which is thankfully something I've not needed.)

This really is more of an issue for your parents, tbh. If they wish to give money to one or more children, that is up to them. What they say in their will is also up to them. They may choose to leave more money to your siblings to "even" things out or they may not. If your brother is executor of their will, his job is to ascertain the extent of the estate and distribute it in accordance with your parents' wishes.

You could always speak to your parents about your concerns as they may be able to address it in their will.

Yes,your brother will have access to financial paperwork but No it wont be glaringly obvious what your parents have given you unless they keep all their receipts and evidence of transactions.

As you said,different people need different things.

Who is the other executor?

Thanks to people for the input.

I actually don't know who the other executor is. I ought to find out.

May I suggest that you check this out for sure, (ie with a solicitor). I understood that any gifts made in the last 7 years before death had to be declared before probate could be granted, in case nheritance tax is due. Your parents have certain allowances that they are able to give away in a tax year but anything above that, (if they die within the 7 years), is liable to Inheritance tax. I didn't want you to think from the previous posts that you were home and dry to have a nasty shock later on. I think your brother would be legally bound to ask if you had received any money from your parents in the 7 years prior to either of their deaths. I hope I am wrong but think you should check.