Should we give up a good work/life balance for better salary?

[Faybells]

Hello all,

Would love some thoughts and shared experiences on a dilemma I am facing at the moment.

My partner and I have £20k debt, a mortgage, and a 2.5 year old. Partner works full time. I work part time. my family pay for our sons nursery fees. We can't afford for me not to work as we are just above the threshold for any benefits/working tax credits, and with the help from family for nursery fees, things are just about covered.

My partners job is local, has an ok salary and he's home at 4.45 every evening so we have the luxury of every evening together, can eat our meal as a family and he can help me with our son which I greatly appreciate, especially when he was small.

But we know our finances are a mess and we have to improve our situation and I'd love another child which is just not an option at the moment - so he has been looking for a better job. This would probably involve a commute to London and 12+ hr days, he wld leave before son wakes and come home after our son is in bed. I worked in London before I fell pregnant and we know what it would entail.

Basically, we don't know if it's the right thing to do. We would love to be able to manage the debt and nursery fees better. But at what cost? We know we are incredibly lucky to have a supportive family and have the evenings together as a family and we are so happy for it. Our relationship is good, our son is happy and has a great relationship with his dad. And we are scared to tip the balance and put that at jeopardy. We have friends who are on great salaries, have no financial worries but are in relationship counselling because they never see each other, the mum is exhausted looking after kids alone and the dad feeling like he dosnt know his kids cos he never sees them. It has scared us to see that.

My partner would like to continue as we are and pay off the debt over the next 3 years. It will be very tough But our son will get free childcare soon and that will mean we won't need help from family any longer which will improve things. But i can't expect them to pay for a second child so that will have to wait till debt gone which upsets me a great deal. But we will be able to manage on our salaries once the debt is gone - and my partner feels our work/life balance now is worth keeping.

But i feel a better salary would be so much better for our future - I just don't know whether to push him for it and whether it would be a huge mistake. I think there is a lot of sense in what he's saying. I just don't know what to do.

I wondered if people had been in a similar situation and had any advice.

Thank yiu in advance.

I do understand your dilemma and think most families go through this type of thing at some stage, including myself, but we have found a better wayto have the best of both worlds.

You don't have a work/life balance. In your circumstances it is skewed towards life given you can't pay your own way.

If Id the option Id keep life as it is but start hammering really hard at the debt. You don't breakdown what it is...can card debt be switched to 0pcnt card? Consolidation loan? Have you reviewed your budget? Cancel everything you don't need, cut back on everything else...

It really depends on how much different the salary is.

My dh worked away 4 or 5 days/week from when I was pregnant with dd2. It was a great job and great salary, but it very nearly broke us. It's very hard for everybody involved. Much harder than I had thought it would be. You need to do the sums very carefully.

Will he be able to switch back to working locally once your debts are paid off?

Hi op

Two pieces of info missing from your post... How did you get into debt, and have you really addressed that situation? Are you definitely going to be able to pay your debt off over the next three years as your oh plans, or is there a risk that you will end up in more debt by then, if you haven't addressed whatever situation put you there in the first place?

We've always chosen life over work, especially from my DHs pov. He is home every night by 6pm, often earlier, his commute is a 20 minute bike ride, his workplace is busy but not high powered. He does an equal number of bedtimes / bath times / evening playtime as I do. And it counts for a lot. Compared with the fathers we know who are out the door before the children are awake and not home until they are in bed most nights? There's no comparison for me, I want DH here as an equal and he wants to be here, with his children.

Importantly though, we are not in debt, and through careful budgeting can just afford to scrape along with me at home and DH working fairly family friendly hours.

Re. The nursery fees being paid by your parents... As long as it's an agreement between you and them, that you are not emotionally blackmailing them into it and they are not selling themselves short financially or going without to enable it, I can't see the problem. I don't think it's grabby or entitled to accept financial help from parents, if it is freely given. My parents have helped us out financially in the past, the upshot being that I can stay home with the children and not worry too much about the cost. They see it as early inheritance being gifted to my sibs and I, and can see the benefit for our whole family. Our side of the bargain is to not be profligate with what money we do have. If we were accepting financial gifts from them, then blowing it on fancy holidays and gadgets, they'd be a bit less impressed. But they are fully supportive of me staying home for now, and appreciate that we live within our means as far as we can.

So I guess I'd say, go for the good life IF you are going to tackle your debt and have got your budgeting sorted to ensure that you don't drift further I to debt as time passes.