Is my partner asking for too much money?

[gossipgirl81]

Hi, I was wondering if I am being out of order or not and need a few other opinions.
I live with my boyfriend and pay £300 a month for rent and bills, I also buy 80 percent of the food for the month. My boyfriend earns about 10 grand more than me a year. Today we got a £300 bill in for electricity and my boyfriend said I could pay £100 extra at the end of the month on top of the £300 I already pay to help him cover it and he would pay the remainder £200.
Bearing in mind I buy most of the food as well, I guess I wasn't expecting him to ask for that much from me. I feel like I am paying the same out as I would in a normal house share yet I'm living with my partner and I'm no better off.

How much are the rent and bills in total?

If you are serious, it sounds like you need a less ad hoc arrangement. E.g. work our the bills, the income after tax, pensions etc. and from that figure out more fairly what you should both put in. £10k sounds a lot and if you're on a low wage it's loads, but if you were both higher rate taxpayers (for example) the difference is still there, but is a lot less.

I think the mortgage is £330 and then there are rates, gas etc and luxuries like sky, internet, I'm not sure what it all adds up to, I was just a bit miffed when he asked me for it, I am paying off a credit card as well at the minute. I didn't offer the £100 , he just kinda asked me for it

You need to sit down together and go through all the bills and how much each of you earn and how much each of you can afford to pay.

Was the electric bill much higher than usual? It does sound like you may be paying more than your fair share.

You "think" the mortgage is £330? You need to know. And you need to be on the deeds of the house. Otherwise you are a lodger. I apologise for speaking plainly- but you are in an incredibly vulnerable position, and you need urgently to protect yourself.

Gather all the years bills together, add on ther mortgage and work out the cost per month and then split it 50/50. Fairest way if just boyfriend and girlfriend rather than married or with children.

If you are paying half then it should also be the same for the food not 80% unless you put cosmetics! nice toiletries in etc that really bumps up the bill.

I don't think you should pay any of it, if your agreement is clearly that your £300 is rent and bills all in.

If you love each other, you can easily have that conversation.

If you do feel awkward, you can at least tell him "I didn't budget for that. Let's look at the bills and agree exactly what my share needs to be - and then I know what I have to save for ad hoc, like electricity".

Why do you pay for more food than him?

You need a more formal arrangement. When my partner (now husband) moved in to my flat 3 years ago we split the mortgage and all house related bills in half and he paid me a standing order each month for that amount directly into my account. On the elec thing, is he not paying a monthly direct debit for that (and gas) so same amount every month? We also opened a joint account just for food and the odd meal out/weekend away and paid an equal amount into that too (again by standing order). We actually still do this now although we're married but we've decided that until we buy a place together and pool our money it works for us. I earn a bit more than other half but he still earns enough to contribute the same so it's never been an issue.

Oh and I don't agree you should be on the deeds of the house. It's his house. If you are on the deeds then you should also be jointly responsible for the mortgage and that adds a whole new dimension to everything. Yes you are a lodger effectively. My husband is still a lodger in my flat too I guess! Albeit since we are married what's mine is his so we're not bothered.

You need to sit down and work out who is paying for what.

Do you have fairly equal spending money at the end of each month?

Have you got savings, what if you need to move out at some point? Could you do that comfortably?

If they are co habiting and she is contributing to the mortgage then she most definitely should be on the deeds. Unless she is happy with lodger status, and will be happy with lodger status if at some unspecified time in the future they split up.

Sorry- if they split up, and he has a house she has helped pay for and she has nothing.

So anyone who rents a flat privately should be put on the deeds of the property as they're also effectively paying off the mortgage of that flat to the landlord? It doesn't work like that.

Going on the deeds means part owning the property and all the financial responsibilities that go with that. It doesn't sound like they're ready to own a house together.

If they split up, she goes her own way and rents somewhere else, clean break and all that. If she goes on the deeds and they split up, they need to work out what to do with the flat she now part owns. I think you've got it the wrong way round, she's much less vulnerable just being a 'lodger'.

That's why I said "if she's happy with lodger status". If she is, then fine. But she needs to be aware of the implications.

I think the 300 plus 80% of food is ok if you can afford it but the additional 100 isn't on. I disagree about needing to split the bills and mortgage if it's the boyfriend's flat and mortgage. It would be different if you had brought the property together.

How long have you lived together?

If your agreement is you pay £330 inclusive as a 'lodger', which may be fair enough if that's what suits you both then bills are up to him. You've paid your dues. Unless the bill is an unusual one because you've been using loads of electricity for something beyond the usual then he can pay the extra. Have you just moved in and the bill is much higher than this time last year? Were previous bills (under) estimates and this one off a reading?

I think you need to sit down again and properly discuss finances.

Time for a very frank discussion about money and a good look at all of the bills.
From what I can make out he's doing quite nicely out of you.

Before dh and I married and bought our first home together we had a lot to work out because I earned a more than him , but I still wanted it to be fair and he wanted to ensure he was paying enough.

Best have everything that could cause any future resentment or trouble out in the open NOW! Good luck.