Does anyone else out there have a shopping addiction?

[alicer512]

This is the first time that I have been on this website. I am desperate to 'talk' to women out there who have a shopping addiction like me. Things have been awful and I have just almost lost my marriage in the process. Please, if there's anyone out there who can relate or help I would be so grateful.

Owning up to the problem is very self-aware so be reassured by that. Shopping, like any other addiction, can start as a kind of self-medication. A way of feeling temporarily better when someone is feeling out of control, unhappy, stressed, bored etc. If you've almost lost your marriage I'm assuming that you can't afford the habit or that it's got you into debt? Maybe you've had to lie to cover your tracks? Have you ever consulted your GP?

Thanks for your reply. It's the deceit that has almost caused my husband to leave me this week. I have managed to stop running up massive credit over the past year- this is thanks to my mum paying off a lot of my debt. It had been better. Life was better. But I hve slipped slightly- my husband discovered and was so upset that it was almost it. This has scared me so much I need to ensure I can finally deal with the shopping/ spending addiction. Yes it's def due to how I feel about myself etc. I have seen counsellors over the past couple of years but i haven't really seen it through properly. I haven't seen my gp- do you think they would have anything more than counsellor details to offer? Thanks agiain so much for your reply. I just feel so stupid that I've done this.

I have a shopping habit

Approx £1000 a month one.

I give things away that i ve had around 12 months, so i can buy something 'better'

I find fault in things so i can replace them

My family think its great that they get fantastic quality stuff for free as i ve got bored with it, or i imagine it looks tatty.

I should be saving for a house, as we currently private rent.

Amazon is not my friend. I fill 2 cardboard bins a month with the things i buy online.

You don't have to share this here but have you identified what it is you feel about yourself that you're trying to resolve through spending? Have you (and your husband) put practical measures in place to make it more difficult for you to spend? Is the household income managed & distributed equally or do you have your own income? What is it you buy with the money you borrow? Would your mother agree to not bailing you out in future?... sometimes people who do that, even though they mean well, can enable an addiction and make it worse.

Your GP might be able to direct you to someone offering CBT.

My husband spends the same way I eat... It's not out of need, definitely in response to emotional triggers. Neither one of is really awful, but I totally recognise Cogito's point about self-medication. I've recently had a couple of years of regular counselling, and that's helped me feel a lot less disordered, but you really do need to stick with something like that if you want to fix yourself.

It's a good idea to work out some preventative measures for the time being. We have separate finances, but my husband regularly "opens the books" to me, to show me his bank and credit balances, and repayment schedules, really just so he can't hide from them himself. If that's not enough, maybe, for now, you need to get your salary paid into your joint account so your husband can check on it day-to-day, and give you "pocket money".

All that's fine, but you need to tackle the underlying causes. You probably need to start with your GP, to assess whether you're depressed, and if so, how best to treat it. Therapy might be good for you, as long as you don't just drop it when you hit the sore points. You could have a go at journalling... Little and often, and try to spot the patterns of events, or thought processes and emotions that lead you to this compulsion. Or teach yourself a bit about "mindfulness" to the same end: www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Plain-English-Anniversary-Edition/dp/0861719069/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

Good luck with it.

Thank you all for your messages; the support and sharing makes me feel like there is hope and - even more importantly that there are others out there that understand and share the same issues.
My husband and I share our finances. We have always had joint accounts - the money I've spent is on both secret and shared credit cards (mainly).
I'm so ready - for the first time really- for this to be over. To really want to deal with this and to start living my life and focussing on what's important- ie my husband and kids not shopping for stuff I don't need.
I've been told about mindfulness by others so am thinking about that route. Please continue to share. Thank you all.

I totally understand but can't offer any advice just a big hug.x.
I want to go out and buy stuff today because I'm alone, OH is away with work and my thought is there's only so much cleaning you can do / gym visits, let's buy kitchen tat.
I need to get a life for myself but that's another story.
Good luck.xx

Wondering how you were doing alicer? I either eat or shop when I'm feeling down or anxious. I'm lucky I earn enough to bail myself out of debt continually but it's despicable that we are spending so much every month that we ought to be saving. I agree with cogito, for myself I've got to find better ways of processing bad feelings.