ok, here goes...should I sign a pre-nuptial agreement?

[YouHaveBeenOutbid]

I'm marrying my long term partner next month and he's just sprung this on me. We own a house together, have a joint account for household expenses and both have savings.

He has been to see someone about it and they want sort codes, account numbers and amounts from me. This isn't sitting well with me. My savings are my business and a quick Google about Scots Law (we're in Scotland) tells me they wouldn't be considered as matrimonial property in the event of a divorce anyway.

Would I be mad not to? so as not to dripfeed he has at least 5 times what I have. In general I'm a saver, he's a spender. His money is inherited, mine is saved.

Please don't post if you're of the 'marriage means sharing all assets' opinion as it doesn't mean that to me. I watched my parents divorce acrimoniously and would never put myslef in a position of being financially dependent on anyone.

Yikes a rama... I had a child with someone who had very different ideas about money than me. In fact it's what broke us up. We didn't marry or share a joint account but I left the relationship with all the shared debts. He did later help to pay them but at the time it was v stressful. (I'm now a stay at home wife for now)

It seems odd to me that you feel unable to action home improvement projects until you've both saved equals amounts.

I think the issues actually may stem from your attitudes to money, trying to make things overly fair. If you marry, your daily life & lifestyle should be shared regardless of who's paying. If he wants to keep his inheritance pot separate then fine.

His mis handling of the pre nup sounds like it was just because he put it off because he knew it would ve awkward rather than a ploy to trick you.

Anyway, don't marry until it's resolved... Breathe x

not what the one may gain form the others wealth that they had no part in building.

Well he had no part in building this wealth either, he was just given it by someone else who may, or may not, have earned it.

If you have doubts, don't marry him. I married with some doubts, and it ended badly.

Separate advice has now been sought! He's more than happy for me to do this. The last thing I want is to get caught up in a solicitor's sparring game though. I've got an appointment now so will see what they come up.

I'm not ignoring the 'don't marry him' opinions either. Definitely going in with both eyes open.

I will never understand these "together but separate" marriages. Life throws up all sorts of things, if you can't trust the father of your own child who can you trust? Or rather, if you can't trust the father of your child to have the same values as you when your interests have diverged, should you really be throwing your lot in with him in the first place?

I'm all for pre-nups, but they should be used to protect for the better good of the whole family post-divorce (which, ultimately, means your children in the long run - we can't take it with us), not to craete a "yours and mine" division before we die.

A pre nup is not very romantic. It's thinking of divorce before the wedding. If he feels the need to protect himself from you then he doesn't trust you in my opinion. I would not marry a man with a pre nup.