Relationship over. Child's mother seeing someone else, what are the legal rights of the father?

[kokeshi]

Hi, nit sure if I've put this in the right section. It's advice for my brother and would be gratefully received. Here goes. His fiancee decided that she wanted to end the relationship in March. They've been together for 4 or 5 years and have an 18 month old son.

They didn't live together at any point, she lived with her parents and he with mine, and my family have been quite involved in his upbringing so far. They're both still young and my brother I guess is not the most mature of 22 year olds, and relies quite heavily on my mum's and my involvement when he has his son over. He is still a student and contributes very little financially to his son because of this.

His ex is now in a new relationship (people move on I know) but she seems to be playing nasty games and it's upsetting for Db and the rest of the family. My Db works part time in Asda and the ex wheeled in the new boyfriend with my Dn playing happy families (hmmm) and on Saturday she asked them to drop Dn off at the local pub, where they were romancing.

I've been trying to reassure my mum but she feels like she's been used totally, after taking this girl into our family. It kinda feels like we are only there when it is suitable for her, as there have been many times she's said "no" when we've asked to have Dn over.

There are many other instances of this but basically I would really appreciate any advice on where my Db stands legally. It's heart breaking to think that Dn is being used as a pawn in her games, but we're totally aware she is holding all the cards in this one. I wouldn't like to think it would get to the stage where lawyers are involved but it doesn't bode well. She's gone down considerably in my estimations, and my mum is really upset too.

Sorry this has been long, I'd just like to have an idea of where my Db stands legally, and what rights he has as a father.

Many thanks in advance.

He might be best to see a solicitor and get some sort of regualr contact plan in writing. A solicitor can help draw this up, he doesn't have to go to court. I'm not sure of all the rights when they aren't married, but he must have some sort of rights.

Hi kelly,

Thanks for your reply. I've already told him to go to CAB to ask for advice, he doesn't earn much money and I guess is by all accounts unwordly in these things! The most upsetting thing is the way she has behaved. It just seems so callous and spiteful. I'm not sure he realises how serious it is. My thoughts were to put the feelers out on MN, so that I could give him a bit of constuctive advice on his legal position.

is his name on birth certificate as father? if so he has joint parental responsibility (ie decision making power re important decisions), if not he can and should consider acquiring pr (can be done by formal agreement with ex in prescribed form which is then registered or can be granted by court if he made an application)... court re contact should usually be a last resort... it is better to have the flexibility of agreed arrangements rather than a strictly defined court order which may not in fact suit anyone.... but her could apply for a contact order if situation broke down and he wasnt seeing his daughter.... can i say without offending anyone i hope that however young / immature he is this is really for your db to sort out... he is one who must decide what he wants and how it should be achieved.... however well meaning your and gps contact / views must come second to that.... hope that is of some help. if he seeks legal advice he should make sure he goes to specialist family solicitor, one who is member of childrens panel / of resolutions (solicitors family law association).

Hi controlfreaky,

Yes, he is down on the birth certificate as the father. No offence taken, you are absolutely right about him taking responsibility for his son. I am aware that the more we facilitate, the less he has to do to "fight" as it were. I actually think he needed a good kick up the a*se, but we are all affected by the ex's actions. It'd been hard for my mum, to have her grandson wrenched away from her and feel totally used. She is understandably upset, but my thinking is that it ALL has to be done through my DB. ie extended family have no legal grounds? Is this right?

I think I probably know the answer to that. Doesn't make it any less difficult. I wonder if anyone has had any experience of dealing with this amicably? I've also advised my mum to speak to Db's ex and let her know how upset she was. To mkae things more difficult, his ex's mother (maternal grandmother) is a bit of a witch and def has great influence over ex. Hope this makes sense.

poor you and your mum too. sounds really hard. they could go to mediation to sort out hoe to be parents to dd now they are no longer partners.... cab should be able to point him in right direction.... your mum could make application to court for contact if she first got court's "leave" ie permission to make such an application... would be unusual and difficult imo. she would normally be expected to have her contact with dgd on back of father's contact iyswim... good luck. some behind the scenes attempts to remain on good terms would seem best solution perhaps??