How to split finances with dp having moved in with DC

[Nikeairyfairy]

Just wondering what others have done. Name changed so I can be quite specific.

Have 2 dc. Child maintenance paid by their father.

DP works ft and earns double what I do (has no dc of his own)

So I've moved in, and love it. No more tax credits for me as he's a higher rate earner.

How have others found a fair way to deal with finances?

Tia

A lot of people split bills etc. as a percentage of the total household income.

So for example if he earns £200 and you earn £100 then you earn 33% of the total household income so you pay 33% (i.e. 1/3) of the bills and he pays the other 2/3.

HOpe that makes sense.

That does make sense. Thank you

What about childcare bills/clothes etc. this is where I come a bit unstuck

If I paid a household percentage then DCs bills I'd be left with hardly anything. After his bills are paid he's left with a fair bit more.

It makes it tricky deciding fairness about meals out etc.

Tbh tax credits (now lost) made up much more if my income than I'd realised

Yes I see the difficulty.

Talk to him. Suggest that you pay a percentage of the bills calculated AFTER you've paid childcare and put somehing aside for other DC costs.

e.g. (picking figures from air I know they bear no resemblence to reality)

Income £100
Childcare £35
other child expenses £30
Remaining income £35
He earns £200

Total income £235 so you pay about 15% of the bills. (sorry doing it in my head you'll need to check the figures)

Has he said anything about it. Presumably he's been paying all the bills up to now and may just expect to carry on doing so.

I think you need to sit down and talk to him about it but it is useful for you to go to him with some proposals and to make your position clear with regard to child costs etc.

Thanks so much. When we moved in, We agreed on a contribution, and I'd do food shopping. Its been working ok, We haven't argued about it. He's a brilliant lovely partner and is really generous. I'm just noticing that my portion 'left over' is significantly less. Many people would think this is right - after all he didn't father the kids!

Hang on a minute.... he may not be their biological father but he's now part of the family and responsible for them just as much as you are. The aim should be to have a similar amount of personal 'spends' each and the remainder either goes to paying household bills (including any specific costs relating to the DCs) or into family savings.

Maybe that's the answer. I have a real problem with money and attitudes towards it. I worry constantly about it.

My xh was so shit with money I'm a bit reluctant to try and share an account again.

I worry that I'll begrudge his spending then feel guilty about my own.

I dunno. It's my problem really.

I agree with Cogito, if you're living together you need to be thinking in terms of family finances, not separate pots split by salary/whether they are the dc's parent. I already had dcs of my own when I married DH, and was in a position where I was out of work shortly after we married. I lost tax credits and all other benefits except disability benefits, and of course DH supported us all during that period. He wouldn't have considered any other option, and there's no need to feel guilty because your DP has obviously chosen to live with you and to take on that responsibility.

The DWP/HMRC expect him to pay up as well, that's why they take his income into account for tax credits, and they aren't interested in whether he's the biological father or not! I don't see how else it can work otherwise - what if you couldn't work for a while? - the state wouldn't step in to help you, because they expect the family finances to be shared. And you can't cover all your dc's expenses by yourself because ultimately they'll lose out, as you've lost your tax credits. What if you have more dc together? Would your dc end up being treated differently than his biological children?

If you've moved into his property then you also need to consider longer term security for the dcs if the relationship ends/if he dies. With DH, I decided not to live together until we were married, as marriage gives us lots of legal/financial securities that cohabiting doesn't. If it's his home, he'd be entitled to ask you to leave at any time and that can't be very secure for you.

"I have a real problem with money and attitudes towards it. I worry constantly about it. "

IME it's more worrying if no-one says anything and the finances are too vague. If you can have a mature & open conversation about the whole thing and set up the various accounts and direct debits etc., I think you'll be more reassured.

If you're nervous about having joint accounts (and I don't particularly like them either for the same reason as you... a shit XH) then you could set up one joint account for all the household payments, a joint savings account for things like family holidays, house repairs, replacing appliances.... and keep your own accounts for everything else. All that's important is that it's fair, mutually agreed and treats your DP as part of the family

Thankyou.

I'm reading and taking notes.

I worry that actually he'll be significantly worse off if we try and have exactly the same amount for personal spends each month. He'd agree to it but I'd feel bad.

I'm sure are going to marry and have dc together, so I think it'll change again for good. We needed a starter plan both having come from completely different angles.

I'm confusing myself tbh!

We split everything house/DS related as %age of overall income and pick up something's individually, car ins, credit cards,etc.

Have had a long conversation tonight, and have suggested some ideas from you all. He's completely happy about sharing so we end up with equal amount of spending money.

He's amazing

Glad it worked out for you.