How much do you spend purely on your children?

[ADadsGirlfriend]

My partner has a 6 month old with a woman after a short relationship.
She is being controlling about access, not allowing him to see the baby out of the flat, or away from her.
But this aside, he has been paying CSA calculator amount £140 child maintainance a month. She is now asking for 200 a month, which partner cannot afford, but thinks she might allow him to take the baby out if he goes along with her. I could afford to pay the extra 60, but is this a complete piss take or do babies genuinely cost 400+ a month?
She is in council flats so I don't think she pays rent? but not sure that's how council housing works.

Well not exactly. I put half of what ex pays me for dd into savings- some short term for Christmas and birthday gifts, days out money plus longer term savings. My rent is higher than ex dps as I need an extra bedroom, I use the heating more, I need to pay childcare etc.

Perhaps your DP should see about getting a more formal arrangement for access. I'm not sure how it all works but I'm sure others can advise. Unless she can prove he might cause harm to baby, or its exclusively breast fed therefore needs mum nearby, she's just being manipulative.

£140 a month isn't much really but if he is paying the minimum he is expected to & can't fund any more it will have to do. Remember it is not just food clothes & nappies but things like extra water, heat, etc. I think at 6 months I can see why she wants access near to her, particularly if she is breastfeeding & i wouldn't necessarily label her controlling ion the strength of that!

I really don't think you should pay the extra £60. His child, his money.

A six month old is too young to be away from their primary carer much, contact should get easier as the baby gets older provided your partner develops a solid relationship with the child.

I would strongly suggest you stay out of it for the time being.

I think It's supposed to be 15% of his net income according to csa?

Posted too soon... So if that's what csa says then that's that really. My stbxh just pays that amount then it's up to me how I spend it. And no it doesn't go far!

Child maintenance is not calculated on the basis of being money to be spent 'purely on children'. It is the absent parent's contribution to the upkeep of his/her child, which includes housing costs, bills, etc. any benefits the PWC may receive are not relevant to the calculation of child maintenance due, on the basis that it is not good public policy to have the state pick up the tab for the NRP's obligation.

So don't think of it as money just for clothes/nappies etc.

Having said all of that, yes I certainly spend more than what your DP is paying purely on my DC, but that's not really the issue. The issue is: is he paying the correct amount on a CSA calculation and even if he is, could HE afford to pay more if it is needed?

You should not get involved. What if you were to split up and stop paying, and the mother get angry and withdraw contact?

Also, child maintenance and contact are entirely separate matters and I would steer well clear of any course of action which appears to link them. If your DP wants more access to his child then whether or not he gets it is nothing to do with whether or not he pays more maintenance. That is a terrible thing for the mother to hold over him.

£140 would go nowhere near the cost of his share of raising a child. The cost in rent between a 1 bed and a 2 bed, higher council tax and utilities before food, clothes, toys, child care etc

I agree with Mendi. It's not the cost of things the child needs that's the issue, it's their fair share of the NRP's disposable income. I strongly recommend that, if he hasn't already, he should engage a solicitor and come to a binding, formal agreement with his ex about maintenance and contact with his child.

So because the government pays to keep a roof over this childs head (in the form of HB) that absolves your partner of his responsibilities?

£140 a month is a pittance. I get less from my ex. His excuse for years was that I was getting money from the government.

School fees £30k (used to be £50k when the older ones were still at home), then bigger house to fit them in so that is directly relating to being more than a single person, food - about £5000 extra year. Holidays lots.

I just think these questions are impossible to generalise on.

Also we both always worked full. time so when we had under 5s the child care alone was about £30,000 a year.