Panicking I won't be able to afford childcare!

[thethingsiforgotinfrance]

I'm just seeking reassurance - or a reality check. I earn £43,000 a year and am panicking I will be really struggling to find my DC through nursery. The costs seem to be around £800 a month. Please tell me you all manage!

That's a nuisance for you re after school clubs.

I suppose what I meant with the homework help was just that really - I'd certainly hope that reading with a child would be a daily routine anyway but insofar as homework is concerned, I'd hope a primary aged child wouldn't have so much it would take up the whole evening :) and I wouldn't be happy at all if it did.

I realise they will get ill from time to time, yes.

Do be aware that using childcare vouchers decreases your pensionable salary.

Really? How odd; why is that? Thank you for the information.

Homework shouldn't take up an entire evening but my point, which you've missed, is you need to be there as their parent especially when they are young. When they are older it doesn't matter as much (excluding the transition from primary to secondary which can be a difficult year). When ds was a baby he could be at the CMs from 7am to 7pm and it didn't matter. He was doing baby things and having a lovely time and I would collect him and put him to bed. At school age most children want to tell their parents about their day, talk through what has happened, help with homework etc etc. It is far more full on than when they are little.

I had ds late in life so all my friends had pre-teens or teenagers when he arrived. I remember having a moan about how tough it was and they all said if I thought it was tough then then wait until he started school. They were spot on.

Ds is 8. He doesn't talk much about school unless he chooses to share or wants advice on how to handle an issue. We talk that through, we talk about politics, the economy, what is going on in the world. I have to allow that talking time, which means I have to be around for early evening/late afternoon to be able to do that.

Childcare vouchers = salary sacrifice.

Bisjo - I don't think I did miss your point to be honest as your post was about "being there to do homework." If you'd just said being there, I wouldn't have missed it. :)

I'm not really sure what the point of your post is -not being rude there, but as I haven't said what job I do, how long the DC will be in childcare for in terms of the day or similar I'm genuinely a bit stumped as to what you're trying to get at?

Sorry op, I misunderstood your post.

bisjo interesting to see I'm not the only one who sees nursery cost and private as the same! I only just started to look at primaries and was [shocked] I am a single mum and I don't work, so only put DD in for 1 day a week so I can get the housework/other bits like building her garden furniture sets while she isn't around to 'help' and live on appx £9k a year, with no mortgage, and we are fine. Getting tougher with the gas hikes and to be honest when she is in school I will probably get a part time job, but OP you will be fine on your own with your salary. I am just very stingy frugal and don't drive or take holidays. I think bisjo is saying that you need to make sure your career is flexible if you need to call in sick for them - DD gets sick maybe every other month or so (20mo), nothing like nursery to pass on a vomiting bug or cold that means they can't sleep. If you are worried about school collection (part of the reason I stopped work was because I knew I would have to work late regardless) perhaps a couple of hours with a nanny should be factored in for school pick up?

You said you planned to be a single parent so I, apparently erroneously, assumed you worked full time. If you have a school hours term time only job that pays £43,000 then I am completely .

Bisjo may be getting at the following, forgive me if I'm wrong bisjo. The time between them finishing school and going to bed, although it is about 4 hours, is actually quite short when you get down to getting home, feeding them, doing reading / homework and just chilling. I always find it a rush and it is an important time to spend with them and see how they are doing. I remember driving to get DS1 from nursery and screaming at the traffic because I was going to be late, I found it stressful. It can feel like being on a conveyor belt, if is screws up for whatever reason it all screws up.

The logistics of it can get it a bit tricky, they work out but it is a real balancing act. If you haven't got a partner get to know local mums and do each other favours so there is someone to call if you are stuck in traffic / meetings.

Children are expensive, there are still significant costs when they go to school it you need before and after school care. However, good luck, it is worth it (even though I had to give up designer jeans.)

Also don't forget that while it might be a struggle sometimes in the early days, if it means keeping up your career to a reasonable level so that you don't drop out of the market it is an investment of sorts for the future if it means a better professional pathway.

OhHullit I didn't but my spreadsheet proved otherwise. I was shocked but it was in black and white and I couldn't argue with that. I had no plans to consider private until my CM said she wouldn't continue to do the school run (she had been taking ds to nursery) and then said she would consider it but on new terms. Her new terms meant she would be earning the same as if ds was with her full time, which made me look around and consider options I hadn't even contemplated before he was born.

Mind you I was very lucky with ds's CM. He was poorly from birth to about 4.5 years and she would take him even if he was ill and administer his medications. If he had been at day nursery I would have had to give up work!

BlueberryHill spot on and that is assuming the OP has the sort of job that enables her to collect at school finishing time. Ds used to be the first at before school care and practically the last at after school care every day. Fortunately he loved it but it meant we had not a lot of time at home to do a lot. Now he does homework at school, has tea most nights at school and does flexi boarding so life is easier.

You're better off with a childminder than nursery as a LP - I found that friends with children at nursery were sent home all the time for a runny nose/cough, whereas my CM was always happy to have them with colds etc if they were not clearly unwell. When my DC had chickenpox I only lost a week off work (3 days of which was due to me catching it as well ) whereas I know one friend who was told nursery would not take her DD back for 2 weeks.

In terms of illness, I used my annual leave to cover it. You should also be entitled to emergency leave (I have used this to collect an ill DC from school) I think it depends on your employer if this is paid or not.

I do think also it's quite possible to manage working FT and being a LP irrespective of the age of DC (mine are 14 and 11 now, I have been out of the house 11-12 hours a day most of that time), it may not be easy but if you have bills to pay etc has to be done!

Do you have someone who can do emergency child care?
Once the child starts nursery they will very likely catch every cold and bug going and nursery will call you to come pick up your child. In my first year back after maternity leave I probably used 10-14 days of annual leave looking after a sick child. Luckily my employer is really flexible and DP could often rearrange rotas but if you're by yourself, you might struggle. If you don't have a support network who can help in an emergency, then start building one!

I don't doubt it will be stressful. However, many parents who are married and/or in relationships both work, particularly when the DCs are at school: I almost certainly would even if I had a spouse or partner because I have seen so many people (women) left in a very tricky financial position after giving up work and being unable to get back into employment then the marriages fall apart. Cynical maybe, but true.

Gallic, no. No one whatsoever.

Am I mad? Yes, probably. Will that stop me? Unlikely. I have fixed holidays, no annual leave so would have to work around that somehow.

If the above sounds like I am being flippant, I'm not: it's just that I've come to realise that if I think of every possible scenario (and believe me, I have - what if its triplets, what if he or she has an illness or a disability, what if I have triplets and they all have a disability ...) then I'll never do it and that means never getting a chance to have a family of my own. Somehow that scares me more than any possible future situation.

I'll manage, somehow. It won't be easy but then I am a firm believer in nothing in life that means something being easy.

You also are entitled to a total of 13 weeks unpaid parental leave up to the age of 5. I used to use my annual leave for odd days and then use parental leave for holidays (most employers have a rule that PL has to be taken in one week blocks minimum). I made full use of that and miss it now ds no longer qualifies.

Feb / March is a good time to have a baby as the 15 hours kicks in from the 1st Jan, 1st Apr or 1st Sept after their third birthday. Our NCT class was Late March / Early April and there are four of us on each side of the divide. Am very pleased that dd was 4 days early!

You will manage. There is something about knowing from the outset you will be doing it alone that makes it easier somehow, I know that was the case for me.

When I had DS1 I had no emergency childcare. I don't have any family, all my friends worked FT and none had DC. I couldn't get to any antenatal classes etc so never got to meet any other mums to be beforehand (although tbh it was such a 2 parent family area I would have felt uncomfortable going!). Within 2 weeks of going back to work, DS got seriously ill and admitted to hospital, and I had to take a week off work. Not the best start, but I figured after that it could only get better (and it did!)

Velvet I agree with that. I am a member of another forum and a number of ladies who have partners/spouses working shifts are complaining about how lonely they feel in the evening - bizarrely they are describing my 'normal' life!

I'm so glad your DS is better.

I don't doubt many challenges and obstacles will be set in my way but that's just life: you find a way over or around them. After all, we could all find hundreds of reasons not to have children but they mean nothing compared to the bleak thought of life never having had them.

I signed up for NCT classes but never got to them as ds arrived 7 weeks early (another possibility to add into the mix). I ended up meeting up with what should have been my group and some of them became my best friends and were my lifeline during what turned out to be the toughest time of my life (not child-related). I went to various mums and babies groups too but found it hard to fit in with the other mums and their wonderfully supportive husbands.

I'd also planned to go back to work when ds was 6 months old but couldn't as he was too ill and I had to get a bank loan to fund my ML (I couldn't live on £0 income). As you are planning ahead I would plan to cover a year's ML even if you choose not to take it all.

Have done so bisjo which, along with saving for fertility treatment was no mean feat, believe me. I've planned and accounted for what I can plan for and account for.

Sorry to hear your DS was unwell

The other thing to plan is that you really won't be able to plan everything. Things will happen and you will just have to work out how to deal with them and sometimes you will be faced with almost impossible decisions to make. The hardest thing about being a single parent is having to make every decision about everything yourself.