ex says no to changing kids school. any experience/advice?

[gigglinggoblin]

i need to change schools but ex says no. he is completely ignoring my reasons for wanting to do so and i suspect is just being awkward for the sake of it. it will have no effect on him if we change, but will be much better for the kids.

anyway, he has pr and is saying no. have just been through court which was v expensive for me (not him, him and gf are both unemployed) and are now considering mediation, which will again be very expensive for me but not him. i dont want to do it if it is a waste of time, but i also dont really want to go back to court as last time the cost ran into thousands.

has anyone been here and can offer advice?

Surely if the kids are living with you, this is your decision and you are doing what's best for you as a family. Is he not being just awkard, are there other reasons for him not wanting them to change schools? larsxx

But why should his wishes outweigh yours? Just because he has PR doesn't mean that he dictates what happens in your children's lives.

If you have genuine reasons for changing the schools and are happy with those reasons, go ahead. It is unlikely he will go back to court for a prohibited steps order and, if he did, he'd have to show extremely good reasons for objecting to your decision.

Just do it. At the end of the day, where there is a dispute between two people, one party's views have to prevail and, as you are the primary carer, I think your views are more valid as you are the one with the day-to-day responsibility.

i am torn between just doing it because he is simply being an idiot (he really doesnt have any valid reasons for saying no) and acting reasonable because he probably would take me to court and i am sick of the stress of it.

just wondered how likely it is the court would make me take them back to their old school

Well, by the time it all got to court, they would probably have been at their new school for so long it would be unreasonable to make them go back unless there were compelling reasons.

thats a good point. i do think if it got to court he would be told to stop being such a prat (as he has been told before!) but its just the thought of going through it all again. thanks for advice

Dh has been through similar when his x changed their dd's school when she fell out with the headmistress. He tried to get involved with choosing another, but his x was having none of it and as soon as he showed an interest in visiting the schools, she put her in the school she knew dh didn't want her to go to (she admitted she had done this when she moved dsd yet again into the school dh wanted in the first place!).

I would have thought that if you have good reasons for the change, no Court is going to overrule that and make them go back. After all, it is all about what is in their best interests. Could you go for a free session with a Solicitor to see where you stand?

Dh decided not to do anything, as going to Court would have been stressful for both him, dsd's mum and therefore in turn dsd. For him it wasn't about controlling things, it was just about choosing the best school for their dd and he didn't think that insisting on the school he wanted would achieve anything - in fact it would have probably set back his relationship with his x several paces.

If your x does decide to go to Court, do you feel you could represent yourself? Dh did when he could no longer afford a solicitor and did fine and he found the Courts sympathetic to the fact that he was representing himself and didn't know all the right procedures.

giggingoblin, have you tried the CAB but agree with earlier posts, if you change their schools by the time anything would be done they would have been there a while. hope you work it out :)