maintenance payments

[Amanda198]

Hi everyone. This is my first time posting on mumsnet. Im hoping i could have some of your views on my issue regarding payments from my ex husband. We have 4 kids ranging from 21 to 6. They all live with me. My husband has never had much money since we split 4 years ago so i haven't pushed for much money in the past. I did once apply for csa but at the time he was on benefits so i wasnt entitled to anything. Now he is working but says he is on a low wage and really struggling. I do believe him on this as he is a good dad in every other way, he has them stay over every weekend and buys them clothes, toys etc. He now gives me £100 a month which i have accepted but i really struggle sometimes as my second eldest needs money for collage, then we have a 9 and 6 year old. 100 just doesnt cover it. yet i know the csa would finish him financially. (It was me who ended the marriage so i feel guily even considering going to them) yet i feel angry that he should be helping financially a lot more. Sometimes i think im just being a soft touch. Has anyone been in the same situation as this? as i feel really torn about it and guilty.

You should first look at your finances and see if there's aby easy ways to cut back- changing utility company etc. are you getting all the tax crdits abd childcare vouchers you are entitled to? this puts you in a good position even if you can't make any changes because it will show you have tried.
Make a list of all regular expenses related to the kids.
Then arrange to sit down with him and talk about finances. Living as a single bloke he won't get much help, but if he's lavishing toys and clothes on them when you struggle to pay for basics, a serious chat is in order ( though keep it light as best you can)

DDs dad doesn't pay the full amount the CSA would ask if him but he does pay for all flights ( he chose to move away, so we agree that's his responsibility to pay) the full amount of CSA would cripple him and he has been in debt since before we met. But my DDs needs are met and so I don't ask for more.

If he is on a low wage the CSA - who base their calculations on disposable income - would probably get no more than the bare minimum out of him anyway. Plus there is going to be a charge for collecting via the CSA. So you may or may not be any better off than you currently are. Make sure you are claiming all the benefits available to you..... www.turn2us.org.uk has a good Benefits Checker.