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Original poster

Stopping maintenance payments - does anyone know where we stand?

24 replies

NotActuallyAMum · 18/04/2006 19:17

We currently have my DPs dd living with us, she had a huge row with her mum and her mum threw her out. We have no idea how long it's for - could be weeks, months or years, but whilst she's with us we don't see why we should make the maintenance payments to her mum

Trouble is, we think it was part of the divorce agreement that the maintenance be paid - we don't know for sure until we dig out the paperwork which we can't do until tomorrow evening when dsd will be out. We have no idea what the consequences of stopping the standing order could be. We'd like to think that anyone would see that it's unfair to expect us to pay maintenance for a child who's living with us but the law isn't always fair!

We would, of course, restart the payments immediately if dsd went back to live with her mum

Any ideas anyone?

OP posts:

NeverSayNever · 18/04/2006 20:27

We were in the same situation, Dsd came to live with us, my husband stopped paying maintenance to mum and also informed child benefit, so he recieved it instead of mum. That was 6 years ago and Dsd is still here.

Hope this helps.

Passionflower · 18/04/2006 20:50

Not an expert but I'd think it would depend if the maintenance includes spousal or is just for your dsd. If she comes to live with you permanently surely her mum should be paying maintenence to your DP. If dss came to live with us permanently then I'm pretty sure that DH would insist his mum paid us maintenance.

ProfessorGrammaticus · 18/04/2006 21:12

Check how your DP pays - probably monthly, either in advance or arrears. Wait till the end of the month. If she is still with you, hold back the payment that then falls due. If she is still with you at the end of the next month, then you have got out of that one! When (if) she goes back, pay pro rata. The law does not require you to pay for a child who is living with you - the question is when she is living and not just staying (which presumably she does part of the time anyway). HTH

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 18/04/2006 22:07

Thanks folks

We did think about the child benefit, we've been told this is £17 per week which would certainly help, but we're prepared to wait a few weeks on that one to see if she wants to go back or not. NeverSayNever - was it really that easy to get the child benefit swapped over to you?

Passionflower the maintenance is just for his dd. And yes I quite agree that she should pay us maintenance if it's going to be permanent, and I understand DP can claim tax credits too which his ex is probably getting, we'll look into that as well

ProfessorG he pays it fortnightly by standing order. It's due to go out of his bank on Friday - she's been with us for nearly a week. That's a very good of idea of yours to do it pro rata. Think what we'll probably do is let this Friday's payment go then if she's still here in two weeks' time we'll definitely stop it. But if she's gone back but was with us for 2 weeks we'll just stop the one payment

Thanks again everyone

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NeverSayNever · 19/04/2006 10:12

Yes it was easy to get child benefit changed just took a phone call and they sent the forms through. We have never had a penny from mum though, it was ok for dad to pay but she does everything she can to avoid paying maintenance and gets away with it.

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 19/04/2006 10:41

NSN thanks again for that, I thought it might be major hassle getting the child benefit because her mum would refuse to give it up so at least that's something

tbh we're not holding our breath for getting any maintenance out of her - bloody annoying as it will be, I totally agree with you, it's OK for DP to pay her!! Having said that, we will definitely try

We had a chat last night after dsd had gone to bed, I showed DP this thread and he agreed we should let this Friday's payment go then see what's happening in 2 weeks' time. It's looking increasingly likely though that she'll be staying with us, she's adamant that's what she wants to do and her mum hasn't even been in touch

Thanks again

OP posts:

secur · 19/04/2006 10:45

Just a word on changing CHB over - it is easy as long as the person agrees to it.

They have to send a letter (or respond to a letter sent by CHB) saying that the circumstances have changed.

If they refuse there is little you can do. Even a court order cannot force CHB to change payments over unless they want to.

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 19/04/2006 10:48

Thanks for your reply secur

In that case we just have to hope that she'll agree to let us have it. We're prepared to fight for it though, we can just about accept that we won't get maintenance for her but feel very strongly that we should get the child benefit

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secur · 19/04/2006 11:36

I agree you should - and as long as she dosn't know she can refuse just to be difficult then hopefully you should be ok. Hope it works out well for you

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 19/04/2006 11:55

Thanks again secur

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Passionflower · 19/04/2006 13:11

Surely if she continues to claim child benefit for a child she's not supporting then that's benefit fraud! Here in Guernsey it's a bit diff but every year I get a letter from social security with details of my child benefit and saying that I have to inform them of any change of circumstances.

Freckle · 19/04/2006 13:15

I suppose it depends on how long she claims for. If her daughter has only been gone 2-3 weeks, then she can claim she was just staying with her dad for a while. If, however, she is still claiming after 2-3 months, then clearly she can't claim that it is a temporary measure.

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 19/04/2006 13:19

Good point PF - and it is a benefit after all isn't it? We're going to give it 2 weeks then start the ball rolling if she's still with us. I may be worrying for nothing - she might just give it up without problems. Pigs might fly too.....sorry to sound negative but past experience has shown that she's not the co-operative type

Is child benefit paid weekly or monthly? Or do you have a choice? If it's monthly her mum may have already been paid for this month anyway

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Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 19/04/2006 13:23

Freckle that's true too

Think we just have to wait and see what happens. If we have to fight for it I'm sure it'll take at least a couple of months or so anyway

If she's still with us in 2 weeks though DP is definitely going to stop the maintenance payments. We were going to speak to the solicitor who did his divorce but of course that'll cost money so he's just going to do it, and we hope that even his ex will realise he's not going to pay her when she's living with us, even if it does turn out to be temporary

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Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 02/05/2006 10:03

Well, she's still with us so DP has cancelled the standing order. A friend of mine has told me this morning that DPs ex is still entitled to the maintenance money because legally she's the residential parent and she could take DP to court if she so wished!

Surely that can't be right? I've been trying to contact Citizens Advice but as usual can't get through

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tissy · 02/05/2006 10:37

I think you're going to have to see a lawyer(or CAB?), NAAM. If the maintenance payment includes an element of "keeping a roof over dd's head" then the arrangement you have now needs to be made permanent and legal, so that ex can get a smaller cheaper house. If she lost the house through non-payment of rent or mortgage, then you could be in trouble if/ when dd goes back to Mum. If you can get Mum to sign a statement that she will never have dd back, you would be on stronger ground, I'd say.

I am NOT a lawyer, BTW.

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 02/05/2006 11:42

Yes I think you're right tissy

Still trying without success to get through to CAB. If I can't get through today I think I'll get DP to ring the solicitor who did his divorce tomorrow

Don't know what else to do. Her mum is still getting the Child Benefit, we don't see why she should get maintenance too when her dd is living with us

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Freckle · 02/05/2006 11:48

NAAM, was the maintenance paid stipulated as part of a court order as opposed to being arranged through the CSA?

If it was part of a court order, you may need to apply to the court to have it varied so that she pays maintenance to you in respect of your dsd. Or just to end the maintenance agreement if you are not interested in making her pay. If it is through the CSA, then you may just need to contact them to advise of a change in circumstances.

FrayedKnot · 02/05/2006 11:53

Hi NAAM

I think if your DH had a clean break settlement then the bit about providing a roof over your DSD's head may already have been taken into account (e.g. the equity in their former home may have been signed over to her etc etc).

I would also, if you can possibly afford it, put the equivalent amount of money on one side until your position is clearer, and keep any receipts for things like clothes, school trips etc that you buy / pay for for DSD.

A lot is going to depend on the circumstances of your partners XW. Does she work? Does she have anotehr partner? Do you think she can support herslef without the maintenance money (e.g. pay mortgage etc).

If she can, then potentially it is going to be a bit easier for you to sort things out, whereas if she is going to struggle now to pay ehr mortgage etc, then it is more complex, and obviously she is going to be more likely to seek advice on her side.

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 02/05/2006 12:02

Freckle it was all done through the two solicitors when they divorced. Don't know if there was an actual court order as such. I seem to remember something called a Consent Order, I suspect it was probably included in that - which is probably the same thing as a court order as it was done in court, even though none of them had to attend. So presumably if DP breaches that order he could be in trouble

Just seems so unfair that we still have to pay her when she's living with us

An added problem is that we suspect it won't be permanent, but we're certain it'll be a couple of months at least

OP posts:

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 02/05/2006 12:05

x posts there FK - had to do some work...

They did indeed have a clean break when they divorced. Yes she's working full-time and she lives with someone, they're renting a house together so no she certainly isn't going to struggle to live

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Freckle · 03/05/2006 08:00

Yes a consent order is a court order. It's simply that the parties agree, draw up an appropriate agreement and it is rubber-stamped by the court.

In that case, if your dh stops paying maintenance, he is technically in breach of the court order. It might be simpler to apply back to the court to vary the order, either for her mum to pay your dh maintenance or for some provision to cover the situation when your dsd stays with you for a reasonable period of time.

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 03/05/2006 09:11

Thanks for that Freckle

I phoned DPs solicitor yesterday, she was supposed to be ringing me back but hasn't ....

If she doesn't ring we're just going to bite the bullet and get on with it. He has already cancelled the standing order so I'll just get him to text her to let her know he's done it and take it from there. If she does decide to take him to court over it there's nothing we can do except hope that they'll agree he shouldn't pay her when she's living with us. She's not paying us anything, and she's still getting the Child Benefit

I'm going to get him to dig out the Consent Order today just to see what it says but I'm certain the maintenance payments will be on there

OP posts:

Original poster

NotActuallyAMum · 03/05/2006 15:00

Solicitor has phoned me back, bless her

She said that in this case, the maintenance is paid solely for the upkeep of the child, therefore if the child is living with us it's not legally payable. I asked about the Consent Order and she said it was also in the Order that dsd would live with her Mum, which is of course not the case at the moment

So we now have peace of mind about cancelling the payment - wonderful!

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