Anyone else spend to fill a hole? How in God's name do I unravel this? (Long)

[NameChangerProxy]

Have NCed for this as DH knows my usual MN name but not how bad this is. I have cyclical issues with spending excessively, getting overdrawn, getting a loan to pay the overdraft back and stumbling on just about in the black until it happens again, usually because I have a knock of some sort and spend because I "should" be able to afford this because I have a decent FT job, and feel that I deserve it.

I work FT although feel guilty at not being at home with DS and have a mundane job, and DH works PT, we have a toddler son. A lot of money that I've spent has gone on things for DS, but also on clothes, crafts stuff for me. DH has commented on the number of parcels arriving. Plus we've had the same price rises as everyone, and had childcare costs and I got 6 points on my licence (prat) so my car insurance has doubled and the "spare" money I was using to prop the spending up has dried up. We have individual accounts and a joint account and we realised last night that we have little money in our joint account to get us through to the end of the month; we've had to borrow £200 off my sister.

I had a £1000 overdraft on my individual account which I converted into a loan a couple of months ago but by the time I got it, my account was £1500 in the red so it didn't clear my overdraft. The OD is now back up to £1000 on top of the loan Thank God I've never had a credit card.

DH has asked me to close my account and move my spending into the joint account so I have to consult with him more before I buy stuff and I'm happy to do that, I have a new card for the joint account which I've deliberately not added to paypal / Amazon to reduce my spending. I just don't know how to unravel all this. I went to see my bank today in the hope of seeing someone straight away but have been given an appointment for 14th November. I know I have to sort out the overdraft and boost my income in some way - I applied for a higher paid job recently but didn't get an interview.

Thank you for bearing with me if you've got this far. If anyone's been a complusive / emotional spender, how did you get out of this spiral? I need to get rid of the overdrafts / loans without DH knowing about them and to stop myself from spending with impunity.

I think part of the process will involve not trying to keep the overdrafts and loans secret from your DH. However painful, once you've got all the damage out in the open and acknowledge the full extent you can move forward with a clean slate. Would recommend both of you then book an appointment with CAB, CCCS, National Debtline or similar to discuss how to get your debts under control. You should propose this so that you're taking the initiative.

As for stopping spending I think you're already doing the best thing by making it harder for yourself to spend money. Try working with cash only.... you can feel cash leave your purse where cards and internet shopping are too easy.

If your DH only works part-time could he go full-time? Take some of the pressure off? And all the things you've been buying, could any of them be returned for a refund or could you set up an E-Bay account to sell goods that you could do without?