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Original poster

single income families with a SAHP!

27 replies

hermykne · 19/03/2006 12:39

i stay at home with the kids but i find this increasingly difficult to deal with, my dh doesnt give over all his salary to the joint account - the one all the bills etc go out of and the one i use for shopping (food) etc, its all costed out so it runs out every month just in time for next deposit by him.
he keeps an amount for himself in his acct, which i know off as i have internet access to it and look after most finicial stuff, so its not hidden, but i just feel that i have to budget everything and then be accountable for stuff but meanwhile his stockpile is there
he says he needs something for himself.
do u think i could chnge his view

what i'd like , seeing as he gets my tax credits!, is an extra 500 goes in every motnh to let it build up in the account if it can! but notthis feeling of it running to nil every month,

OP posts:
Lmccrean · 19/03/2006 12:42

i know it sounds awful, but I cant think of another way to put it...do you have a personal "allowance" every month?

Lmccrean · 19/03/2006 12:43

I mean, just for you (not kids, housemoney etc), if he has one just for him?

charliecat · 19/03/2006 12:46

Can you not get the tax credits put in an account for yourself? And the childbenefit.

Bozza · 19/03/2006 12:47

Right so there is a family/housekeeping a/c and he has a personal a/c and you have nothing. I would not be happy about that. We just have one joint a/c which everything goes into and I do a budget each month and let DH know how much he is allowed for personal expenditure - this is usually between £100 and £150. Financial matters should be a joint decision not just him telling you what you are allowed.

Original poster
hermykne · 19/03/2006 12:58

lmc i have no allowance as such
bozza thats very good, how u do it and i think i ll have to approach it but i need a few hard factual examples, i think one of my bestfriends also a sahm, might do something similar.

OP posts:
Original poster
hermykne · 19/03/2006 13:00

the childbenfit i get alright but sure i use that up on dd's preschool and whatever stuff they need.

hmmm dh seems to fork out very little bar the necessities and its not like we cant afford it - not being boastful - but he has a great salary.

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Blu · 19/03/2006 13:17

hermykne, he is not acting as what you each put into the partnership is equal and shared.

Could you suggest that a set amount goes into a housekeeping account for mortgage, bills, food, all your joint household expenses - oicluding children's expenses like lunch money or clubs and actibities, an amount goes into a savings account, and maybe separately for hols, etc, and then what is left over is split equally between you for personal expenses?

Original poster
hermykne · 19/03/2006 13:26

blu thats a really good idea, esp about savings,
i just never really thought about it before and i am at home 3 yrs now,
plus maths was never a good subject for me1

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WideWebWitch · 19/03/2006 13:40

Cheeky fker is my view. Sorry, but just because he physically earns the cash doesn't give him this right to do this. You being at home ALLOWS him to earn this! I earn more than dh and all my salary goes into the joint. If you're married you might like to point out to him that there is no such thing as His and Yours, there are only joint marital assets.

Bozza · 19/03/2006 13:43

Yes I work out the budget and let DH knows how much is left for his personal expenditure and I have the same. Is weighted in his favour because there is also £50/month for his golf club fees and I don't have an equivalent.

I am not a SAHM (work part time so obviously earn less than DH) but I don't think that is relevent. I agree with Blu's posts. We are basically doing what she suggests but with only one current a/c.

Original poster
hermykne · 19/03/2006 14:17

bozza and www thanks amillion for that.
i think i just have to help him understand how it works and the stunbling block is "its all mine i worked for it" has to be broken

thanks again

hair appointment coming up!!!

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 19/03/2006 14:18

Hey, can you go off for a weekend leaving him to do
shopping
cooking
cleaning
childcare
etc
He obviously doesn't get it.

GarfieldsGirl · 19/03/2006 14:19

I know quite a few people like this, who have thir own accounts, and hubby gives her money for housekeeping each month. I personally can't understand it, surely if you are married, have children and a house toagether, why not have a joint account. All of the money, wages, benefits, tax credits, child benefit etc, is both of yours, not just his.

If he has money of his own each month that he's squirrelling away, then you should be able to do that yourself with your own account.

WideWebWitch · 19/03/2006 14:20

And point him in the direction of the Ray Parlour divorce settlement - the judge agreed that the wife who sah enabled him to earn what he did and awarded accordingly. So this isn;t just my view!

WideWebWitch · 19/03/2006 14:22

\link{http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3872905.stm\look, the earnings were considered a 'Matrimonial Resource'! Same as your dh's imnsho!}

tribpot · 19/03/2006 14:44

We're trying to work out something fair right now. I go to work and dh is a SAHD (albeit in a rather limited capacity as he is chronically ill, so everything in the house gets done by me or by my cleaner).

OTOH the rental income from the flat we used to live in (bought by dh before we were married) is effectively 'his' income although I have done every single thing related to getting the damn place rented out. Child Benefit and Tax Credits are in his name too (although again only because I filled all in the forms).

What I want to do, however, is make sure we have enough to cover all of our expenses, a personal allowance for each of us and the rest to savings. It's only fair.

Laura032004 · 19/03/2006 14:53

If he gets a personal allowance, I'd want the same as well- so we'd split the left over money 50:50. As it is, we buy what we need, without any splitting of money. We do discuss major purchases (well, I don't discuss mine as I'm more sensible than DH!), but otherwise we don't question each others spending at all.

Original poster
hermykne · 19/03/2006 15:01

this is great, thanks all for sharing ather personal details about finances, i appreciate it and its opened my eyes

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expatinscotland · 19/03/2006 15:03

No, sorry, that's NOT on. I was the single income winner for a while. ALL our money goes into a joint account - we're a family.

'Need something for himself'. He needs a kick up the backside for himself. That's bullshit!

HE gets YOUR tax credits? Um, no. Open up another account for yourself and have your credits deposited in there. CHILD tax credits are for the children, not his selfish ass.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 19/03/2006 15:08

I wouldn't be happy about that. DH and I have seperate accounts, even before I was working. And his salary has always gone into his, and the tax credits/child benefit etc into mine. I still get those into mine and my salary too.

We've divided the bills between the two of us, and what ever is left over we split between us to spend on what we want.

Original poster
hermykne · 19/03/2006 15:47

the poor guy, he's not a meanie person, but i think the thoughts of giving it all to the family probably scare him.
maybe theres a wee trace of his mum in him, she never gave it out but had it on herself.

hes not a NOT NICE person.
he is good .

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Original poster
hermykne · 19/03/2006 15:51

expat- straight talking - makes me laugh

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dollydanderfluffofwillowbottom · 19/03/2006 15:51

we dont have a joint accunt as we are too lazy to set one up.

when i 1st became sahm i had the debit card for his account (his wages go in there) and if he wanted money he either asked me for it (not in a giving him persmision kind of way i hasten to add) or borrowed the card to get some out.

then i realised i was spending a ridiculous sum of money, so set up a direct debit to transfer money into my account to cover shopping, kids stuff and stuff i want. if we go out or get a take away he generally pays unless he has no cash on him

bills come out of his account, and he has some left over which he spends on whatever. no idea how much or what it goes on, but then he doesnt know how much i spend on stuff for me and never asks. if i need more money, i can have more but if its there i spend it so the amount transferred to my account isnt particularly high relative to income

i do think your dh has a right to have some money for him to spend, but i also think it is fair that you have the same. could you have the tax credits as your money, then have the usual shopping etc amount and then his own account for him? would be easy enough to keep it all in different accounts

we dont really have an issue about who 'owns' the money, i just find it better if dp keeps hold of it so i dont waste it on rubbish!

slug · 20/03/2006 10:26

Dh is a SAHD. My salary is paid into my account. I then transfer the housekeeping money into the joint account. The remainder is then split 60:40. I get the 60 because I use that money to pay for transport for work, text books for my university course and it is generally acknowledged that as I have to dress appropriatly for work I can't get away with scruffy jeans and T shirts all the time. However, as I hate shopping for clothes I usually have some left at the end of the month. This is allowed to accumulate and pays for holidays.

His 40% in paid into his account for his personal use. It's colloquially known as 'beer money'. We work it like this because I strongly feel each partner should have some money to call their own and be able to spend without accounting to the other for it. I don't want to know how much he spends on presents for me, nor do I want to be the whining wife about his trips to the pub.

Original poster
hermykne · 20/03/2006 12:56

thanks slug, good to have it from your point of view, as your dh is at home.

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