what should i do??

[helpmil]

I have changed my name cos a couple of people on here know me in RL. I am posting because I really don't know what to do for the best so thought i would ask mn for help. Basically my mil has got herself in financial strife, mainly because she her 17 year old granddaughter (my niece)living with her. My sil (her mother) has three other children and works ft, and claims and keeps all the tax credits and family allowance and claims her daughter is living with her to the inland revenue. My niece has lived with my mil for over 2 years and my sil has never given my mil a penny. It has all come to a head this week because my mil can no longer afford to run her car and is selling it and out of her £10 that she had for the week she had to give £5 to my niece for her bus pass. My mil is a widow and can't keep up with expenditure. We are not in a position financially to help her out but I am taking her to work and shopping etc. What really gets on my nerves is my sil swans around in her brand new 44 car, has booked a holiday to Egypt in the summer while claiming money illegally and my mil can't afford to go food shopping because she is keeping my sil daughter. My sil also gets maintenance from my niece's dad. I said my dh should speak to my sil as she is taking the p** but he says I should speak to her because I am 'better at those sort of things' i don't think it is my place and i don't think I would get through to my sil. But I am also wondering whether we should leave well alone. All advice gratefully received and sorry it was a bit long!!!

bump-please anyone

I wonder if niece's dad would be best person to deal with it? would have thought he would prefer whatever proportion of maintenance that's in relation to your niece to go to the person that's looking after her.

I would leave well alone but tell your DH that unless he sorts it you are not prepared to subsidise his mil

If your Mil wants to claim the tax credit (this would only help if you niece is still in education)and child benifit she needs to contact them and tell them she is looking after your niece and they will look into it. Basically what she needs to do is fill in the tax credit claim form and sent it off they will pick up that your sil is getting the child tax credit and take it from there. If she doesn't give them up they will send letters and visit to sort the matter out. As for child benift I guess the procedure will be the same but get her to give them a phone.
If you want to do it your self you can also phone them confidentually and give the details but you would need her full name address and postcode.
Not saying it will help immediatley, as it would proably take some time especially if your sil is being difficult about it but could help in the long run the sooner she lets them know they sooner they will hopefully sort it out.

Thanks
tears before bedtime- the dad doesn't have contact, its purely through CSA so that is a no go.
the blonde- just told my dh, and he agrees! but is not going to talk to her or subsidise his mother!

not sure if i could do that. i phoned the inland revenue today but just enquired, didn't give any details.

I suppose at the bottom of it all, really it is your MIL who actually should be dealing with it. She shouldn't be letting her daughter do this to her. To sell her car rather than deal with it is chronically un-assertive behaviour; she IS a grown up. Before you wade in and possibly shake up all the family relationships, I would sit down with your DH and MIL and ask her what you can do to help her resolve the situation. EG, be totally supportive but don't try to sort it for her like she was a child.