DH keeps spending and spending

[mrclaypolefan]

I'm so cross.

DH has always been a spendthrift. A few years ago he ran up some debts, we managed to get them straight, then he ran up more debt, which we have just sorted again. He's never really bought much, just been useless with money. He always used to take £100 or so out of the bank every so often just to have money on him, rather than do as I do and spend/withdraw money as and when it's needed. I always think if you have the money out of the bank, it just gets spent with very little to show for it.

Anyway, I really thought he was getting a lot better and more responsible with his spending. I just thought I'd check our online banking tonight and have seen that in the past 3 weeks since DH was last paid, he has taken 2 x £100 amounts out of the bank, another £150, plus a few £50 amounts and quite a few £10s along the way too. I'd say it adds up to over £700 in three weeks.

He earns well and in theory we could save loads, but it seems that any money we have, he finds a way to spend it. I have just started working again and am due to be paid at the end of August and he is already trying to earmark my money to be spent on something or other. Likewise if I ever sell anything on Ebay, the paypal money gets spent immediately. We have a separate account out of which we pay bills too and I've even noticed he's dipped into that before too.

I know I need to separate our finances, and I think that is going to have to be my next step, but I am so cross at the disrespect he has shown me and our DCs. I try to be careful with money, to meal plan and to not spend beyond our means, but any money I save he just spends.

You need to sit down with him and go over your budget, to show him what he's doing is not helping the family.
It is possible he doesn't even know he's spending that amount.
We have a joint account, with both wages paid in, for mortgage, bills, DC expenses etc.
We then take an "allowance" each, direct debited to individual accounts, for personal spending. Could that system work for you, then you could be more certain that bills etc. are paid, and DH's over spending will only result in his personal debt until the penny drops.

I would have a joint account for bills and then have a personal account each for personal spending and he has to know that his spending money doesn't come out of the joint account.

And you need to budget beforehand to know how much money goes in each.

I would definitely want to know where that kind of money was actually going- £700 in 3 weeks is not peanuts. Does he have anything to show for it?

If not, it may be possible that he's drug taking/gambling.

I've unfortunately been through this with DH (gambling). It got to the point where the bill money wasn't there when I went to pay them, despite him taking out a big overdraft without telling me

Now I have sole control of the account that his wages goes into and I transfer him an agreed sum weekly for fares and to spend generally. Annoying but it's the only way for us and he's had no choice but to accept it.

Ask questions and don't be fobbed off.

Open a savings account and start sending money there. Don't give him access to it.