I am bad with money. It's the only answer. Is it possible to get better/learn?

[Badvoc]

I am a sahm.
Dh earns a Decent wage - not huge but decent.
And yet.
We owe £5 k on a cc (0% interst one but still....) from costs incurred when we moved into our new home last dec(new boiler, roof repairs....you get the idea :()
I am £3-400 overdrawn each month (got an agreed overdraft facility) and its depressing me.
We don't save. No money to. We aren't paying much off the cc.
Just when I think things are getting better it goes wrong again....HMRC have messed up Dhs tax code (he isn't the only one at his place of work, there are 6 of them) and so he has been £200 a month short since march and we have no idea when we will get it back.
I just don't know what to do.
He won't let me sell the car (he says it's an asset) and so that is costing £100 a month to keep on the road.
We have got all the cheapest insurances etc. we do have cable but it's a good deal with phone and BB too and it's our only luxury tbh.
We don't really drink, smoke, or go out much.
We do spend a lot on food but that's due to several things...allergies, fussy kids and trying to eat healthily.
At the beginning of this year I knew this year would be a write off financially...but I am getting worried and whenever I try and talk to him he takes it as a criticism - which it really isn't.
I would like to go back to work at some point and am looking into re training ATM.
What can we do? What is the best thing to do?
Pay off cc? Start saving? Ask mortgage company for a payment holiday? I don't even know of HSBC do that....? 6 months off paying e mortgage would be a huge help.
Have any of you done that? Is it easy? We are on a FR so not even sure it's possible?
Any tips gratefully received...

Some things that stand out for me.

• CTF contribs. Definitely stop those for a few months until you can afford them. Your children will benefit more from you being solvent now.
• 'DH's money.' When advising you to get your income and expenses listed in full, that includes DH's income and expenses. There is no point one of you paying hefty debt fees and being anxious if the other has spare cash and is living the high life. Family men that 'take it personally' when you want to do something as reasonable as talk about money are very immature. It can also have very negative effects on a relationship. Couples split up over much less stress.
• FILs that live on overdrafts but have masses of cashable assets can do as they please because they have a fallback position. Your only asset is your home and you will only be able to start building up savings if you eliminate your debts
• Voluntary work has to take #2 place to paid work. Don't let your voluntary commitments get in the way of you earning money.

A loan is not the answer even if to clear debts, as it is not going to solve the root cause of the problem.

I really think the first issue is to look at joint account for all joint expenditure so it is apparent to both of you who and how much is being spent. OP may have an overdraft but her DH may not .... which is unfair if its family expenses that have made it that way.

Lots of different ways to manage money together some advocate all into joint no personal accounts, we split whatever is left after all of the expenses are accounted for (if there is anything left) between us for our personal accounts, regardless of who earns most or works hardest etc etc. Joint income.

Oh, and food bills. Meal planning. I know its hard with fussy kids and allergies but it is possible to bring food costs right down

Have you been over to the MSE forums?

I had dbt about 3 years ago - with the support of the MSE Debt free wannabe board I got it down quite quickly and saved a bundle of interest. There are some great, supportive threads over there.

The cc is on 0%, though, I doubt Sainsbos will beat that :) Other than that, I agree with Cog. And I would get yourself out of the mindset of this being you being 'rubbish with money'. It sounds like you two have implicitly set out some priorities which are too expensive for your current income - the car, the CTF, expensive food (well, not necessarily expensive but it depends what you define as 'healthy food'). It will help enormously if these are actually agreed. And him refusing to give up the car is not 'agreed'.

Finding out where the money all goes will help immeasurably - and you'll probably save money just by noticing it, if you see what I mean. All those little incidental expenses - Starbucks, ice cream for the kids when you're out, etc. etc. all add up. But you do need to know how much disposable income your DH has after the bills he pays, even if you don't want to challenge him on every single item of spend.

Ring HMRC about the tax code (DH will have to do it, not you) and find out why they are collecting the extra money.

If it is because they have not collected enough tax in the past, then unfortunately you will not get this money back. OTH, if it is because they are deducting tax because of a benefit that he doesn't receive, or something like that, they should change the tax code immediately - seriously, there and then!

If DH's father is an accountant, he may be able to help with that. Can you show him a copy of the tax code notice from HMRC.

It is possible that HMRC have sent the proper coding notice, but the payroll department are not using it, so in that case he needs to tell them about it.

I agree 100% with everything that everyone else has said.

I think that the most important thing is to get your DH on board. Does he know the full extent of the situation? If you are considering taking a mortgage holiday then that is a very Big Deal. It will cost you loads in extra interest over the years.

Once he knows how bad it is then the pair of you need to sit down and work out how much you are spending on everything. This might be a pain, but it is really worth it. We did a spending diary for a month. We wrote down every last penny that we spent on anything. It was a real eye opener and we realised that we were frittering away a load of money every month on coffee, treats and lunch bought at work. Just the simple change of taking lunch into work (very trendy nowadays anyway) saved us hundreds of pounds over the year.

But in order to make the changes, you need to know where you're both spending the money, and that needs the cooperation of your husband.

We cant do the payment holiday anyway...hsbc dont offer it.
Probably a good job tbh.
Have cancelled the ctf dd and an ins one for my mobile which will save me nearly £70 per month.
Also, I am getting a better deal on my car ins in Oct so that will be another tenner clawed back.
Will tell him to ring HMRC. Its something to do with him being put on the wrong tax code? We moved in Dec last year and he didnt inform HMRC? I dont really understand it but apparently the same issue is affecting about 6 other people at his workplace.
He takes pack up to work everyday. No starbucks etc :)
I am taking the kids out and about a bit over the summer hols but nothing too excessive.
All my b day money (oct) will go on new clothes/neccessities...it always does.
My dh keeps pretty good records of his spending so after I do mine we will be able to sit down and review.
thanks all

Insurance, in my book, is always an optional extra. The basics are to cover your home and contents and, if you have an outstanding mortgage balance, a policy that pays it off in the event of your death. Everything else beyond that from life cover, critical illness cover, even extended warranties on washing machines, is a 'nice to have'.

Tax codes have nothing to do with your location. Everyone starts with a basic personal allowance of £8105 for 2012/13 and a tax code of 810L. If there are any in-work benefits to take into account like private health insurance, a company car.... this comes off the code. If he owes tax from a previous year that would also affect the code. Here is the HMRC link for What to do if your tax code is wrong

Apparneltynthemcompany sec "is dealing with it"....
The same company sec who didn't tell dh there was an issue til march 31st so it was to late for dh to ring and get it sorted for the start of this tax year!
He is covered by bupa and has a company car.

We now just have buildings and contents and a mortgage thing that pays out if one of us dies.
That's it.
No extended warranties etc.

Have you thought about doing something like Avon?

Don't get me wrong it's not easy money by any stretch, but if you volunteer at the church you may find you have some good customers there etc.

I do it, and I earn loads in my full time job but am paying off debt, so started doing Avon just as some extra money, Campaigns run every three weeks and I find worse case I earn around £30 and best case around Christmas, normally around £100, I know it's not huge, but I save it up all year for holiday spending money and then from Sept it goes in a pot for the Xmas presents, It's taken a lot of pressure off to be honest and I enjoy the walk around in an evening.

I've found personally that, even if you're in the right, there can be a time-lag between getting the correction and receiving a new tax-code. This can drag on if you're not careful with tax-codes going up and down for quite some time. I would strongly recommend - if he doesn't do so already - that he submits a self-assessment return after April 2013 just to make sure that he is all square and they pay back everything owed. I can further recommend a nice bit of software called TaxCalc for this. Get an HMRC access and password, wait for their 2013 version to be released and it makes tax returns a doddle.

To get my tax code sorted I had to ring my payroll first, then HMRC. It really didn't take that long to sort out once I gritted my teeth and did it - if necessary, suggest he takes a half day off work to do it (which is such a ridiculous situation he might actually get on with it!)

There is such a thing as cheap healthy food. What allergies are you dealing with?

Have you looked at the money saving threads at MoneySavingExpert. You sound pretty sensible but every penny counts

Good luck