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To ask what you would do?

6 replies

Southwest · 28/07/2012 01:59

ok so I expect the answer is nothing but i just need some rational opinions!!

It's about my mother and money, an uncle of hers left a 'small' sum of money to her with some fairly strict instructions as to how it should be passed on to her children and grandchildren. (basically used for education)

It is in an investment

DSis has decided she doesn't trust the investment and has advised our mother to pull the money out she has suggested putting it in her childs bank account, my Mother believes dsis wants the money for school fees

My Mother spends money like there is no tomorrow, all food must be Waitrose or M and S what isn't eaten that meal is thrown in the bin, she has had some major redecoration of her house in the last year or two and eg has had 2 hairdresser appointments this week.

my Mother guilt trips me the whole time about how she has no money, I have vivid memories of her parents visiting us as a child and giving her money, we have been staying with her for a few days and I have already bought one large supermarket shop agreed to give her 50 quid and have paid for my nieces bday present from her as well as my own daughters.

Mum has now declared that she has no money and will be spending the investment once it is taken out

So the thing is things are not rosy for Sis and me either, dbil has been out of work for 3 years, my husband lost his job got another one pretty quickly, I lost mine and am still looking, the sum involved is small , I don't really think my daughter will see any and it is not enough for 1 set of school fees never mind 2 but I am wondering how I can help my Mother manage her finances more I suppose

I have suggested she writes down what she spends where but she always has an excuse as to why this is not a good week to start, really after that I need to just leave it alone don't I?

(so as not to drip feed there is a boyfriend on the scene who is not contributing to household expenses in the way he probably should and the sum is around 15k)

OP posts:
financialwizard · 28/07/2012 08:25

I think you need to leave well alone if she won't listen to budgetry advice and forget about the money.

wheredidiputit · 28/07/2012 08:34

Take as read that you will not see any of the money.

Don't be guilt tripped in to giving your mum any money when she has spent it.

Mum2Fergus · 28/07/2012 08:36

Were uncles strict instructions legally documented? In which case she shouldnt be able to touch it...

DukeHumfrey · 28/07/2012 08:37

I am not a lawyer (hopefully someone who is will come along soon) but isn't the money essentially in trust for the grandchildren? And morally - if not legally - it would be wrong for it to be spent on anything other than as directed by your late uncle.

In practical terms, it sounds like your sister has the right idea: get the money off your mother before she can waste it on crap - and ensure it's spent in the way your uncle wanted. If I were you I'd do the same and keep the inherited money for your children.

Sounds like your mother is financially incontinent. Don't give her any money, let her sort it out herself. Harsh, but she needs to learn.

PiratesMolMabel · 28/07/2012 08:57

Hello SouthWest

I don't think that there's much that you can do about the inheritance. If your uncle wanted it to go to the children he should have left it to them rather than your mother. Once the money is in your mother's name it's her's to do as she will with it.

Somehow I doubt if any budgetting advice would be welcomed or followed. The same with comments about the boyfriend. How would you feel if she started telling advising you how to manage your finances & personal life?

However, there is no reason why you should support her. IMO you don't charge guests for their keep! Especially your children & grandchildren! I think that I would politely decline her invitations to stay on the grounds that I can't afford it. I to also wouldn't pay for her presents to my DNs. However, I think that I would buy a small token for my own children in her name as I wouldn't want them to think that their grandmother didn't care enough to get them a birthday present. But I would only make it a small token.

When I stay with MIL or my parents I am not expected to pay for anything. I do take jars of my home-made chutney (always enthusiastically received) & pay for a take-away or take them out somewhere, but to offer any money would be regarded as an insult by both sets of parents.

It's a shame as £15k would go a long way towards university fees for all her grandchildren Sad

Southwest · 29/07/2012 01:29

Thanks guys I will heed your wise advice, I think I just needed to hear someone say it

Just to be clear I wouldn't dream of saying anything about her boyfriend, totally her business I just wanted to show how she might justify 2 haircuts in 3 days and not drip feed!

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