Would this be classed as 'stealing?'

[bjf1]

If someone wants to leave their DH would it be classed as stealing if she took the money from his bank account (not joint, but she would be able to access it) to use as a deposit and month in advance?

She doesn't work, has 2 young DDs and has no savings. Has put up with his financial abuse for years. She thinks it's okay but I'm not sure as it's not actually a joint account. Although I do agree with her that it would be a cheap pay off for him so he couldn't really complain.

Not sure if this is a legal or a moral problem.

doh

She won't be getting WTC but she should be getting the child tax credits. They are meant to go to the main carer precisely because they are supposed to ensure that people being financially abused by their working partner/spouse had at least some money.

It upsets the balance of power just a little bit, but sometimes that's enough to set off a chain of events.....

Okay, saw her this morning. She has not done anything daft yet, so I told her to hold off until the legalities of this could be clarified.
AFAIK she does get CB and TC paid into her bank account, but she has to feed the whole family and buy clothes, shoes, toys, etc for the DCs out of that, and it costs her about £70 a month also for petrol to get the DCs to school. So, I shouldn't think she'd have much left over at the end of the month as her DC has a pretty good job so TC' s will prob be quite low. Haven't actually asked her how much she gets, thought that might be a bit too nosy.
So out of that money she is expected to feed and clothe the whole family whilst her DH keeps his money seperate.
One thing she did tell me though, that pissed her off the most, was that as she had been looking through all the finiancial stuff, she found a bank account that she did'nt know existed. She casually mentioned it to her DH (told him she'd just been clearing all the crap out of his office), and he said it was HIS money (£20,000) from the sale of his mum's house.
I don't know what to advise her to do really as atm she is pretty steaming about the fact that she is struggling to survive till the end of each month whilst her DH seems quite happy to stand by and watch.

If she does divorce him and even during the process she can apply for interim payments from him (maintenance) until they have a final court order. Any solicitor will get that for her who does this area. She will get if 2 chldren 20% of his net pay for the children and sums for herself to keep her to the standard of living they have had as family including enough to cover the rent. Obviously if the husband does not really earn very much and they are trying to pay rent on two places hers and his it will be hard (and she could try to increase her own pay too) but she certanily will have an entitlement to obtain timerim (ie emergency) payments from him.

Also on divorce all savings whoever's name they are in and all debts are added up and then a division is made. It doesn't matter in whose name that money is and in most cases unless there is loads of mnoey to go round an inheritance goes into the pot.

In her shoes I would talk to a solicitor and then contact one of the women's refuge or aid charities and ask for some help in getting out. I would definitely, in her shoes, take a few bank statements and other proof of earnings and bank balances. Someone like her husband will be guaranteed to try to keep ducking financial responsibility and evidence will help when she's making claims for maintenance.

Technically, yes its theft although very much doubt Police would get involved, they would most likely say it was a domestic matter.

Entirely agree with Xenia. If she were to commence divorce proceedings she could apply for MPS (maintenance pending suit), interim maintenance to help support her and DC pending outcome of ancillary relief (financial matters) which normally take some time to resolve.

When I was with EXP we had an account that was in his name, that was used for everything, bills, rent, food, ext.
This was our 'main' account, we both had a card for the account.
All of my wages were paid into it, EXP would only transfer specific amounts into the account when I asked him to.

When we were splitting up I found out many things, like that he earned more than twice what I had been lead to believe he did, and that in his 'other' account her had over 600k in it, and yet he was spending all of my wages every month before he would 'dip' into his own money.
I stopped my wages being paid into the account, and took the money that was left in the account when we split up.

He had me arrested for theft, even though I could prove the money was from my wages I was still arrested for stealing it.

Tell your friend not to do it. regardless of what she is entitled to the money is legally his, and she can get in a lot of trouble.

If I could do it again, I would take smaller amounts out over a long period of time that he would not be able to trace.

It probably made a difference that you weren't married as well. Authorities tend to assume married couples have joint access to things. 'Partners' have no rights whatsoever

thanks for the replies.
I have warned her not to do things this way, as it could make the relationship with her DH even worse. Plus, she has to think about the effect that might have on her DCs.
She agreed that it might be best to filter smaller amounts and give herself time to plan her departure.
She also has the problem of actually finding a potential landlord that will accept a DSS tenant, not many round here will. Also, as she has been a SAHM for a long time, she is worried about getting some references together as she has no employer to ask for one.
so even though she wants to leave asap, with the situation atm that seems a non starter.

Why are you encouraging your friend to stay in a miserable abusive relationship? Tell her to take the risk and get herself out of there. We're all sitting here cosy and safe arguing finer legalities... she's desperate, trapped and needs to get away. By the time she's salted away a bit of cash her husband will have had a long time to work on her, undermine her self-esteem etc. It's got to be worth taking a chance with the money, getting herself in front of the housing authorities as an emergency case, ringing Women's Aid...

Just a thought, does your friend have someone who could act as a guarantor for her with a landlord? Quite a few landlords will accept DSS tenants if they can provide a guarantor, it's what students often do using their parents.

Thanks delia, will put that idea to her.