Would you move areas to have a bigger house and eliminate commuting time?

[Abigailsma]

we live in a nice part of a Devon city and are really happy with the location.

We have a 2 year old and are expecting a baby any day now.

Our house is a two up, two down with small back garden, garage and parking space. The house is small for our growing needs but in such a lovely area with fab neighbours.

Due to recent financial constraints we can't afford a larger house anywhere in the city.

For the passed year my fiancé has been working 20miles away, where I used to live, and we could afford a bigger house there and would save loads on his petrol costs. He's also getting tired of the commute. I still have lots of friends there so could pick up my old life but it would mean moving away from all our family and the better area.

Would you do it?

I think it would depend on how much I expected to need my family once the new baby arrives? You will be the one at home most of the time (I assume!) so really it's whether you will have the support network you need with 2 very small children.
If the space and size of house you could afford makes sense, your DP will be happier and you will have more money then i suppose it would make sense.
Or are you worried about "going back" - and it never being quite the same?
20 miles isn't that far though.
Do you expect to be able to go back to work/increase your income so eventually you could move back to the lovely area?

yes! i totally would. bigger house, less commute, save money... what's not to love??

The issue of leaving the family and support system is a big one. Potentially we could put the move off until baby is 5/6 months old so things would be slightly easier then. My mum might move with us if she hears our plans as she used to live there too. Mum would make a massive diff but if she doesn't come, yes, I'll practically be on my on with two small kids 12 hours a day 5.5 days a week.

If we are saving money by moving I could go back to work and put kids in childcare and I could then restart my career/studying, working towards earning more and moving back to city. But the oldest would have been in primary school a couple of years by the time we could move, would this be too unsettling? Or better than moving later when more established in school?

Schools in city are excellent and ones 20miles away are not as good, unless they go to grammar school, which we hope they will.

is there a compromise? whereby you move midway? thus cutting down on the commute but still not being that far from family?

tbf 20 miles isn't a huge distance to go to and from family is it? i am sure you could still see plenty of your mum even if you did the complete move.

There is a compromise area in between the two areas but in a place neither of us know and neither of us know anyone there so kind of not worth considering really.

20 miles isn't far but it's just the thought of leaving a pretty cushy set up with family literally in next road and there if we need them. They could visit on weekends but just won't be there for little things we take for granted at mo.

Never underestimate the need for additional help when you move from 1 to 2 (IMHO ).
What does your DP think?

He thinks that we only see relatives on weekends anyway so we could manage during the week as he'll be home earlier in the evenings.

What we won't have is someone to help at short notice if we need it.

Tonight he said we could work on a five year plan and come back.

So confused right now as pros and cons for both!

well.... a lot of people don't have someone who could come and help at short notice.
i know it's different becuse you're in a situation where you do, and leaving that IS a big deal, please don't think i'm just saying you're wrong to feel that.
but the vast majority of people do manage without having someone who can come over or who they can run to at short notice and all I'm saying is it's possible and it can work just fine... so I guess you need to figure out (together) whether the benefits of moving outweigh the benefits of having someone very close at hand!

i hjave 3 kids and it is ridiculously hard work. My parents live very close, but both work so I can't ever call on them unless it was an absolute emergency..

Thanks everyone, this discussion has really helped.

Thisisyesterday - I hear what you're saying because my sister lives abroad and had two boys and she copes with no family around.

Hmmm, lots to think about....xxx