Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Flip

Original poster

Do you share your money with your dh or partner?

19 replies

curtains · 26/01/2006 11:15

I'm asking this as I was at lunch with a friend who's got a completely different way of thinking about money than I have.

Basically dh and I pool any money we've got, I'm at home with the kids childminding but I earn very little. But it's all ours together IYSWIM.

My friend was telling me she earns about £500 a month and spends it all on herself. She says she can't afford to buy the shopping or pay any bills, her dh pays for everything. I said to her how do you get away with that and she looked shocked, she says since her kids were born (10 yrs ago) she's worked part time and never contributed to the household.

I think this is really selfish but apparently she thinks it's completely normal?

Is it normal or am I daft?

OP posts:

Distel · 26/01/2006 11:17

We share. If I have money and DH needs some then I give it to him same as he does for me. I only work 2 nights in a pub and he works full time.

Kelly1978 · 26/01/2006 11:19

I suppose if he earns loads then it her pocketmoney. Not fair otherwise tho.

colditz · 26/01/2006 11:21

She is selfish. I earn about the same, and I contribute half towards the running of the house. I am glad I'm not married to her!

tinytotmummy · 26/01/2006 11:21

Curtains, I'm the same as you. I work when I can (ie when Dh is at home to look after kids), but all my earnings go into the one joint a/c and everything gets paid from there. If we have extra money from me working more then it goes towards a treat for the whole family - holidays, etc. I'd love to have £500 pm to spend on myself - I wouldn't know where to start! I think thats very selfish.

Original poster

curtains · 26/01/2006 11:22

maybe that's it he does earn loads.

but isn't "pocketmoney" a bit 1950's housewife?

of course I'm jealous she's got all that to spend every month, but it still seems a bit wierd to me. Just wondered if it's the norm.

OP posts:

mancmum · 26/01/2006 11:22

how can people say they share their lives if they don't share their money? NEver understood this I work for money, my dh works for no pay by bringing up our 2 kids ... therefore the money that comes into the house is to support the life we have chosen it is not mine or his -- it is ours...

Meanoldmummy · 26/01/2006 11:23

dh and I started pooling resources automatically about 3 weeks after we met - it just felt natural. Whose money it is just isn't ever an issue. We've both been through periods where we were the only one working, and it's never affected the dynamic between us at all. Money is just money, isn't it? Not that we ever have bags of it lying around long enough to fight over it anyway. By the time we've paid all the essentials there's only enough to choose a few things to enjoy together, like a curry or taking the kids out on the train. I can't actually imagine saying "no, that's MY money to dh"

iota · 26/01/2006 11:23

Maybe her husbnd does earn loads and has £500 of his own money to spend as well - in which case it would be entirely fair.

Bozza · 26/01/2006 11:26

Think Iota is right. We personally have all income paid into a joint a/c.

Original poster

curtains · 26/01/2006 11:26

maybe iota, didn't think of that.

just seems the dynamics aren't joint it's more me and me..........

must work for them though...........

OP posts:

iota · 26/01/2006 11:29

when I was working we has our own accounts and both paid a set sum into a joint account for bills.

Now I don't work so dh pays for everything, but I have all the savings and investments in my name for tax reasons.

We have NEVER argued over money and trust each other completely, but having our own accounts as well as joint works for us.

motherinferior · 26/01/2006 11:30

We have a joint account for domestic stuff including kids. And then our own various accounts. DP is crap with money. I'm not. I really, really don't want to pool money with him.

mumfor1sttime · 26/01/2006 11:33

I suppose it depends how much her dh earns, he must earn good money to pay for everything, especially if they have a big mortgage.

I earn a tiny wage (parttime) and I pay for the electric, gas, water, food, petrol, all things for ds. Dh pays the 'large' bills like the rent,council tax etc.

I think you def have to work together.

lucy5 · 26/01/2006 11:51

Yes all our money goes into the same pot. I find it strange when people dont share.

munz · 26/01/2006 11:55

we share, currently we earn roughly the same DH pays the rent, cilot (council tax/water conts) out of his wages b4 we see them, which is why we're on the same even thou he earns more.

we have 1 pot, pay the bills buy the food etc see what's left then split it/say i'm buying x of z this month etc - since we've communicated better about money things have got better.

once I go onto mat pay things will be the same - because we'll have the baby to pay for as well so DH won't get any extra money.

prettybird · 26/01/2006 12:06

We both a spearate accounts plus a joint account.

I get paid in to my own account and then I transfer almost all of it in to the joint account. I just leave enough in my own account to pay any outgoings - I have a couple fo endowments, the car loan and the direct debit for the credit card comes out of my account. I don't leave anything for me per se.

When ds was earning, then he would do the same. As it was, his severance package went in to the joint savings account.

The credit card is in my name, with dh having the "addiotnal" card - but that is just a hisotric reason (originally an M&S charge card - no way would dh have evern opened one himslef).

Basically, we see all money as joint.

The only problem we have is our different attitude to money. Dh is a squirrel - a real saver - and our savings are black hole which need a tremendous amount of energy to escape. He beleives that savings are there to be spent in the good times: I see them as a way of smoothing out variations in income, particulalry as my bonus scheme means that my income is very "lumpy".

So for example, dh has got very twitchy that have had to hammer the savings in the last few months, whereas I am relaxed about it, as I know I will be getting some extremely large bonuses in March/April/May.

It does mean that I always feel guilty if I spend money on myself: and I try to remind myslef "For Goodness sake - I am earning good money - why shouldn't I spend money on myself!".

He's a planner - I'm more a "go with the flow" person.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 26/01/2006 12:16

I dont work. Dh's wages and my benefits (CTC and CB) go into the joint account. Dh pays rent and cilcot (as per munz) out of his wages before he gets them.

Once bills are paid, we are left with enough to do the food shopping and 1 or 2 luxeries such as takeaway or trip to soft play etc.

It is more my money than his tbh - he doesnt need money as he tells me! As long as the family is taken care of, we have clean clothes and food in the cupboards - what else do we need?!

I would LOVE to have £500 a month to go and spend on me, but we dont even have that left as a family once bills are paid!

PiccadillyCircus · 26/01/2006 12:17

DH and I have a joint account.

What's his is mine and vice versa (and the debts too of course)

Blondeinlondon · 26/01/2006 18:14

Curtains - maybe your friend's DH spends 500 quid a month on himself from his salary?

Flip