Legal rights of grandparents???

[Meanoldmummy]

Does anyone know what the legal rights of grandparents are if the parents want to terminate contact? Do grandparents have any access rights, if it's against the parents' wishes? I'd be really grateful if anyone knows anything if they could let me know. Cheers

Dare I ask why?

NO, THEY HAVE NO LEGAL RIGHTS.

oops, sorry!

my eldest dad took me to court and his mother asked if she could have acess and without consulting either me or exp they gave her contact order ?????
hth

everything turned out fine long story but he was having problems with drink and drugs and i stopped him having contact she sees him now regulary and things are fine

Yes - with characteristically impeccable timing, my mother has chosen this evening to embark on one of her periodical psychotic episodes. She suffers from severe depression (bipolar, I believe) and has one of these big blow-ups every few years or so. It usually involves her phoning up to 30 times daily (and nightly!) and making insane accusations. The trigger this time is that DS1 started nursery last week so I won't be seeing her twice a week as I have been doing for the past three years since she sold her house up north and followed me to Devon. I've spent the past few months preparing her for the fact that things were going to change now that he is at nursery - I see less of him , so I'm not prepared to commit quite so much of what's left to her. She called tonight and basically retracted everything she had agreed to, claimed that I had agreed to still see her twice a week, and when I stood my ground the weird accusations and tears started. She's hung up on me three times tonight already. I don't think I can cope with it any more. My siblings closed the door on her years ago, and I carry the burden of being the only person she has left. I'm really considering putting an end to, it but I'm worried she will do something really terrible like try to have my kids taken away or sue me for access or something. Last time she did this she made some very bizarre remarks about me being cruel to my children...I know they're not true, but it would be hard to prove it in today's climate!! Or alternatively she might take an overdose - she did that last time.

Sorry for yet another thread with a very long post on it - I am a royal pain in the ass tonight!!! but I feel as though I am drowning, I just don't know what to do. I'm sitting by the phone shaking. I have to get on with life/take ds1 to nursery in the morning, and I just feel like giving up.

Oh dear. What is she like between these episodes? What is your ds's relationships with her like?

Between the episodes she is controlling, selfish, infantile, menacing, mercurial, egotistical, hypersensitive, and a full-time job...but very jolly and reasonable company, as long as everything is going her way. My DSs adore her. Because she isn't their mother, I am, I am able to steer them away when she is being difficult, and she is very sweet to them and lavishes attention and presents on them. They don't notice the bad side of her.

has she ever had help for her problems?

She is on Prozac (at my insistence, after the last spectacular eruption a couple of years ago) and has had several periods of counselling/therapy and even a couple of psychiatric admissions. The fact is she has been taking overdoses and living like this since her teens and it isn't going to change

It sounds very sad. Tbh, I'd be very reluctant to cut off a relationship that makes your kids happy, painful though it is for you. But only you can tell how painful it is. She clearly has no boundaries so I suppose you have to have them for yourself - emotionally and practically. Atm you could tell her you are going to unplug the phone and do so. And she can't actually make the kids go round twice a week. What compromise would you find acceptable?
Sorry again, it sounds like you have had an awful time with her for many, many years.

btw with her history, she isn't going to have your children taken away.
She sounds as though she is really panicking and that combined with her mental illness is making her behave like this.

It's true, she is in pain and has been for years...I know that...but I have been coping with it for years. My earliest memory is of me aged two trying to comfort her. If it was just tears and surreal ravings I would go and stay with her and hug her and talk to her until she recovered. But tbh it terrifies me. She was violent when I was growing up, she has a towering temper and it pushes all my buttons. The thought of her like this makes me quiver. I don't want the kids to lose their grandma...but I don't know how much more I can take.

The fear of her taking my kids away is because she is a qualified teacher and highly intelligent - she has got very good over the years at sweet-talking social workers and being Supermum. She has two adopted children (one autistic and one severely cerebral palsied), People who have lived with mental illness for as long as she has become very manipulative and hypervigilant in their everyday lives, unfortunately.

I did tell her that I don't want to stop her from seeing them at all, I just don't want a formalised weekly arrangment at the moment. She can't cope with that because it gives control of the situation to me rather than her. Over the past few eyars the arrangement hs been that I go over there and wake her up and get her out of bed two days a week and spend the day indulging her every whim. She knew I was going to put an end to that when ds1 started nursery. But we have all known for months that one of these eruptions was coming.

I really am sorry about this...I feel like a bit of a leech, two personal crises in one day. Thanks for listening and for advice.

I did mean painful for you MOM. And it sounds awful. But really, your children won't be taken away, they really won't (and if they were - which they won't be - she would never see them again anyway). It is dreadful that you are taking so much responsibility for her. HOw on earth does she cope with children if she has to be got out of bed?
I think you have to take control and say what is going to happen and she will have to like it or lump it.
But I know it isn't that straightforward for you.

I think you are right. I will have to work out in my own mind what level of relationship I am prepared to tolerate and then stick to it, whatever she does in response. Tbh I think it's the one thing no-one has ever done for her - people put up with being treated appallingly by her for as long as they can, and then they cut her off. I have to be the one not to do that. I'll have to try and be an adult even though she makes me feel like a frightened child. It's hard though!! I could have done without this today- why does it all come at once??

Thanks Aloha, you have helped me stop panicking and get my head straight!

Aw, goodnight. I've just been typing a list of things to take to a meeting at ds's school and now will finally got to bed (slightly dread it tbh and dd wakes up so much I never get a really good run of sleep )

I think you are doing a really hard thing with your mum, but as you so perceptively said, it is more adult to say, 'this much and no more' than to let her do what she likes and then slam the door in her face. It is very, very admirable.

Thanks Aloha. Things could have been much worse if I hadn't had anyone to listen to my rantings tonight.

Good luck at the school, I really hope it goes well (and that dd sleeps through)