Joint account or separate accounts

[georgesmummy11]

Me and my oh have 3 different bank accounts.
Our joint account that everything comes out of and our own accounts.
All the house hold bills come out f the joint account we both put half the money in each and what ever money is left in our own accounts we do what we wish with.
This was working fine till we had our DS and I was off on maternity leave getting a lot less money that I was use to. I have been back at work since October it's a new job with a different company (old company went in liquidation while on maternity leave) im now only working 19 hours instead of 36 hours so getting half the pay a month and have the added cost of child care which I pay for.

I'm starting to wonder if one account would work instead of 3, but not sure if it's fair as OH gets a lot more money than me !
What does everyone else do ?

(sorry for huge essay)

Dh works ft, I am sahm, all the money goes into 1 pot CTC/ CB pay etc. Money then gets siphoned oiff for savings (in my name as tax efficient) isa's etc. We then give ourself £50 a month 'pocket money' for any personal expenses, clothes etc. It's not alot but untill dd3 starts school it's what we can afford.

IMHO childcare is MOST DEFINENITELY a household expsense and should be coming out of the joint account.

At them moment your are not working as a partnership but as two pepople who happen to live in the same house. The division of finances does not value the hours you have reduced to spend with your son.

I think a small chat is required.

Yes - I think you need to stop thinking as childcare as a cost which you (singular) have to pay for, it may come out of your account (although it would clearly make a lot more sense if it came out of DH's) but it is not your expense.

How you physically separate the money is less important than how you mentally divide it up, although often the simplest way is to have a joint current account for joint expenses and then sole accounts for individual spends. But I can see absolutely no justification at all for not putting all the income in one pot, divvying up all of the joint expenses (taking into account things like your DH's commuting costs are probably higher than yours because he goes out to work more days in the week, etc) and then sharing out the spending money thereafter. Paying 50% of the expenses when you don't earn 50% of the money is an unreasonable way to divide it - I would say in any serious relationship, but certainly where there are children involved.

OP why do you solely cover the costs of childcare? It is a family expense that should be paid for by both you and your DH. It should come out of the joint account.

Also, I would think a sensible option would be for you to both put a proprtionate amount into the joint account: you work half the hours your DH works so if he puts, say £600 a month into the joint account, you should put no more than £300 in. Or, pool all of your money and each have exactly the same pocket money to spend.

My DH and I do what Doris does - all funds in one account, all bills are DDebit, and we get £50 each a week pocket money.

Keep the 3 accounts, but make it so that your own personal accounts both get the same amount of "spending money". Make sure that the joint account has enough in to cover all child-related costs as well as house-related costs.

You are a team. You both deserve to have the same amount to spend on yourselves.

Thank you everyone. Think a sit downs in order

Do you think it will be an issue, georgesmummy? I had basically assumed that you'd split things 50:50 before you had the baby and it just hadn't occurred to him that the situation had changed quite as much as it has.

I agree with retaining the same level of 'spending money' each and the rest into the joint account, paying all bills including childcare.

When I was married we had personal accounts for our wages and we contributed a proportional amount to a joint account to pay all household bills, groceries, mortgage, holidays. What was left could be spent or saved as we wished. We also had our own credit cards which had to be managed out of the personal accounts. In hindsight this arrangement was a life-saver when the marriage failed because DH had run up a personal overdraft of £10k, the joint account was frozen by the bank and none of the DDs were getting paid. If we'd only had one account it would have been a shit creek and paddle job

All our accounts are joint, but we have a bills account, and an account that is "mine" and one that is "his"; however having the joint facility means that if anything happens to either of us (as when I was in hospital) we know what's happening with the other account.

As quite useful as we're paid at different times so shopping dots between the two "sole" accounts.

I have no salary any more, and few savings.

Up until now I have just asked my husband for money/to pay for things when and as needed, and although he doesn't usually refuse, it gets uncomfortable having to ask and I have lost any sense of financial control of my own life.

We don't have any joint bank account (live abroad where i am not sure they exist) although I am named on his credit card, and he is happy for me to spend on that (and I swing between feeling guilty buying anything for myself and making indulgent purchases on it).

He takes control of all the investments too, which considering this is both of our futures and our child's of course, I would prefer to be involved in also (not that I know much about it).

Problem is he works in finance, and loves managing his own finances too.

I don't know what arrangement would be better than the current one. A monthly stipend out of which I pay for food, stuff for baby etc? But then what about the credit card? And what about stuff for me, like clothes, trips, coffee etc? How would I separate that out?
Confused! Any suggestions? What do other SAHMs do about their own purchases/savings?
Thank you!

Joint account - think of you marriage vows!

"A monthly stipend out of which I pay for food, stuff for baby etc?"

In the old days it was called 'housekeeping' and, depending on how much is coming into the house, it doesn't just have to cover essentials but you should make it high enough to cover personal expenses, to pay off your own credit card and - dare I say this - keep some back each month and save it. If you have your own set income, you won't feel guilty about spending it and, if you have your own bank account and accumulate some savings, you can manage things independently and build yourself a safety-net. The work you do at home is valuable and the allowance should reflect your worth. If you can get work outside of the home or you receive money from elsewhere (child benefit if you are in the UK) then put that money in your account as well.

Do get involved in the family finances more closely. The only way to find out about how investments work, for example, is to know what's going on. It is not healthy to have any man - however pleasant he seems to be - in total charge of the money

"think of you marriage vows!"

Since 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce and since a large section of people living on the breadline are lone mothers, it pays to be separate the romance from the reality. 'All my worldly goods I thee endow' is too often interpreted by men as 'I'm the one bringing in the money so I own you'....

pre children we had similar incomes and shared bills, but kept our own money. Post children income has varied - money has become more of a shared resource. We still have separate accounts, but bills are paid from whichever account has the most moeny and any sense of my money or your money has vanished. I manage both accounts, DH has very little idea how to do it (would be totally stuck if I went under a bus !).

I think this is fairly typical - and it is the advent of children and the shared responsibility for them that makes the change inevitable.

Since we were aged 19 all money goes into one account and then we just share it. I do less hours than him nowadays but we still share our money.

We could in theory both check on internet banking nd see how much we have and so we always know where we are. However my DH just leaves it to me and I just say whether we have money to get stuff.

both. The joint account to pay all direct debits (except I suppose the payments for your gambling debts or gin delivery) and household bills. Children are a joint expense. It should preferably build up a big enough credit balance to pay unexpected costs.

Personal accounts and what you spend it on is your own business. If your incomes are different, then there is a different discussion about who puts how much into each account.

Cogito is probably right, it is not healthy to have any woman - however pleasant she seems to be - in total charge of the money

i agree with the others your childcare costs should be a joint affair as for me. i don't have a joint account at all dh pays the bills from his account (he works i don't) i get some for me and i get my child benefit etc. as for food or anything that he pays for and is not necessarly there for i give him the receipt and he pays me back. the thought of any joint finances scares me. i would never have one. the way we do things is pretty odd but works for us. letting another person having control over my banking is a big no no for me.

We put a %age into joint pot (including all childcare costs) based on our overall income. Partner works 28hrs so think split at the moment is 56% from me and 44% from him towards overall joint expenses. If his income goes up, so does his %age...and viceversa.