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Need advice on friends b*stard ex!!! (long and complicated)

11 replies

spursmum · 20/01/2006 20:08

My best friend has a 5 year old ds by her ex. His contact has been sporadic to be polite and on his terms. His ds (lets call him C) has started to say that he doesn't like going to his dads anymore. Won't elaborate why but is consistent over a few months now.
His father (lets call him M) asked to have him and my friend let C tell him. M hung up the phone on his own son then called back to apologise and said that he would ask him again next week.
All well and good until....
Today his sister(E) waited for my friend on the way to the school to pick up C and threatened her, saying that she was a manipulative, twisted bitch who is putting words into C's mouth and that she should be forcing him to see M. E said that if she didn't then she should be watching her back from now as she will not be safe. She had to have other 'family' to help her threaten my friend and me plus another friend.
We were told to stay out even though we see C more than she does and have heard him say that he doesnt want to see his dad.
My friend is now worried that if she gives into the threats that E and M will keep C and not let him home.
I have told her to call the police if E turns up at her home tonight(which she will when she is alone) and to start proceedings to get an injuction against her. Also to sort contact through the courts so C can have some kind of say in where he goes.
Also M has got a new baby and a new life(his words) and is probably going to drop him soon.
I think that he is twisting everything so he doesn't seem to be the bad guy. He has always been controlling and doesn't like that my friend has a new bloke in her life. All this aggro started when he moved in over 2 years ago now but this has started to escalate with threats and intimidation.
I need advice from anyone in a similar situation on what would be the best course of action and does anyone know where she stands legally on access etc.
Thanks for reading this.Will be checking in occasionally so thanks again.

OP posts:
spursmum · 20/01/2006 20:19

Bump as really need help.

OP posts:
alexsmum · 20/01/2006 20:40

no advice but bumping it for you

tribpot · 20/01/2006 20:47

Not sure I can offer much help, but does your friend have a formal access arrangement with her ex?

I think I would notify the police immediately about the threats. Hope E doesn't turn up tonight but even so ...

Caligula · 20/01/2006 20:48

I'm not in a similar situation, but I would report his sister E for her threat against both you and your friends as a start off.

I would also make a note of all the threatening incidents he and his family have perpetrated against your friend and her friends.

And she needs to see a solicitor.

Caligula · 20/01/2006 20:48

Sorry should have said report the threat to the police.

nightowl · 20/01/2006 21:33

why doesnt "C" like going to his dad anymore? i think she needs to find that out first.

spursmum · 20/01/2006 22:03

Nightowl- she is asking him but he just says 'I don't know'
Caligula- She is going to report it tomorow if E doesn't turn up tonight. If she does then she wil start tonight.
Tribpot- There's no formal agreement so M wouldn't acknowledge C as his son for the 1st year of his life. It was mutally decided between them about weekend access. He has no parental responsibilties and his name isn't on the birth certificate. He has stopped paying maintenance also as he says his 'new' family needs it more.
Thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
nightowl · 20/01/2006 22:16

he sounds like a right piece of work . i think however if she is going to try and sort something out about access she does need to find out why her ds doesnt want to see daddy anymore.

no maintenance as his "new family" needs it more? disgusting. what a man.

spursmum · 20/01/2006 22:22

Oh he's a right catch!! Doesn't like me because I am the only person who has seen him hit my friend and he knows it. He won't sort things out nicely and gets his family to sort his problems out for him. The bloke is 30 years old FFS!!

OP posts:
nightowl · 20/01/2006 22:59

oh i know one like that too spursmum...30 yrs old is nothing for some men!

Loobie · 21/01/2006 11:56

Isnt it wonderful how when the new family need his money the old family have to suddenly do without it,do they think that because their new family needs supporting that his old responsibilities stop growing,eating,and discover some kind of internal heat and shelter system!!!
Can you tell i have one like this!!
First off i would report the sister to the police immediately,find out from them about a harrassment order,or injunction to keep her away from C and herself.My kids also dont want to see their dad,and also say i dont know why,the pyschologists have explained this is because they dont know how to express what they are feeling into adults trains of thought IYKWIM.
Get a solicitors appointment to sort out the access thing,but to be honest he doesnt have a leg to stand on,no pr,no maintenance,no proper contact,allowing his family to threaten the mother of said child,and all for what to drop C in the near future.I really dont think a court in the land would give him a look in.Mines treated us similiarly although without the family input as then they would all know he was a prat!!I had a solicitor send him a letter stating i was stopping access in the interest of the kids,and he was told to contact a solicitor of his own regards access/visitation to start court proceedings against me.The result has been that he knows he dont have a chance so has backed off completely as i told him i would not hesitate using his behaviour to obtain an injunction against him,also he knew he stood no chance in court becuse of his treatment towards myself and the kids ,now he has gone away for the time being,there has been no contact from him or his new family since early june.

So basically if i were your friend i would contact the police about the sisters threats,see a solicitor to send a letter to ex telling him he is having no contact due to it not being in C's best interests and let him go to court on it if he wants,she will probably find he wont!!and the sister will be sorted with police intervention.
Sorry have just loked back and have gone on for ages whoops!!

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