can I use dm's debit card (with her consent)?

[jamsandwich]

DM is pretty much housebound, I have done her shopping every week for last 4 years and it is becoming a big bone of contention. I have no income, but have to pay upfront for all her groceries and other stuff and try to squeeze a cheque out of her every few weeks to pay me back. But it's so hard to keep track of the supermarket bills/ toiletries from Boots/ occasional online orders/ wine orders/ birthday presents I have to buy for her to give to my dc...so I'm often out of pocket for a bit and get overdrawn. It's really bugging me. Especially when she rings up unexpectedly sometimes asking for a pile of cash. She thinks it's OK to do this as she'll write me a cheque when I take it to her, but a week can easily pass between withdrawal and credit.

I'm so worried about looking like I'm trying to fleece her that I don't really want her to set up a standing order to me, and the costs do vary a fair bit from month to month. So I've been wondering about suggesting that I have her debit card (she can't use it) and PIN so I can pay directly for her stuff from her account.

But I cringe even writing this - it sounds so dodgy! Is it illegal? Or just immoral?! What else could I do? Would it be any less dodgy to set up online access to her account and just zap money out to my account as I need it?

I think you need to have a honest frank discussion about it. If its going to be long term if you make an appointment with the bank they will be able to add you to the account providing she is deemed to have the capacity to make that decision.

You could just use her card and her pin but its incredibly dodgy, particularly if she dos not have capacity.

Ive used my partners a fair few times and vice versa however one eagle eyed assistant noticed the MIss instead of MR on my card when he was using it and he had to come and get me out the car to go put my pin in so they do check occasionally.

It doesn't sound dodgy, I am not sure of the legalities of it. what about power of attourney? I think you are doing a great job doing what you do looking after her.

My dodgy Im not saying you would be up to no good OP. I mean from a vulnerable adults perspective depending on whether your mil has capacity to be able to make an informed decision. For example, later down the line if she suddenly starts to forget what she has bought and you have her card.....

Also she has agreed not to give anyone her pin when she got the debit card so i think, and it is only a THINK Im sure I once heard that you can get into trouble, and so can she.

You can go for power of attorney or see if you can go on her account as a named card holder.

Yes good point - I think joint account or named card holder is excellent idea - protection for both of you then.

Why don't you either open a joint account with her or investigate a Power of Attorney with a local Solicitor?

I have been in this situation with both my mother and another elderly relative but it was easliy sorted with a POA

Thanks so much for the super speedy and thoughtful responses. I was worried this might be a bit of a quiet board to post it on.

I didn't know I could be added to her account - stupidly thought that was just for partners. That would be the obvious thing. She certainly has capacity to consent to that at present, though I do worry about the odd spot of vagueness that creeps in from time to time.

Do you know what's entailed with getting added? Would we both need to go to the bank? It's such a palaver getting her anywhere (she's in a wheelchair and I have 1 year old in tow).

Yes you'd both have to go to the bank-might not be a bad idea to go and have a chat with a solicitor too. I simply used my Dad's card for him when he was poorly with no bother,but this obviously worries you and just doesn't feel right for you so do everything by the book and seek legal advice to make sure you've covered all the bases

an update in case anyone else ever finds themselves in this situation. The bank were able to sort this without seeing my mum, I think it helped that we both have accounts at the same branch, so there were no ID worries. We just filled in our separate bits of the form and returned it to the branch. Job done!