dh is useless with £

[vickibee]

DH & I have conflicting attitiudes to money. I watch the pennies and constantly look for bargains. Dh on the otherhand spends like it is going out of fashion. We are always overdrawn 'cos of his ways. I have told him that we will have separate accounts going forward and keep the joint account for bills. I hate being in debt to anyone and budget very carefully so this really pisses me off

Does anyone else have this situation where one parter is extravagent and the other frugal?

I used to have this situation and, to be honest, it didn't end well. It was a big contributor to the divorce as all attempts to rein in spending or even discuss finances like mature adults were treated as a personal attack. Having said that, I think you're doing the right thing with separate accounts. Make sure he contributes a fair amount to the joint account & that he's left with relatively little for 'spends'. He also has to agree to turn in his credit cards and not go overdrawn.... because even if the debts are in his name, they affect the whole household's credit rating. Keep him on a short leash and, with luck, he won't be able to do much damage.

Dh sees it as a personal attack too, he doesn't worry about the bills the way I do and lets them pile up. He spends to show off, jack the lad at the pub getting a round in for all his 'mates'. Maybe a bit harsh cos he doesn't go out that much. He also ends up giving cash to his XW cos she is on benefits and pleads poverty all the time, this is in addition to child support for his 15yo son. There is no reason why she can't work and is one of Cameron's lifestyle choice people. anyway I am going off the point.
I can understand why it could led to marital breakdown as it is the casue of many an argument

"When money goes out of the door, love flies out of the window".... Spending to show off & look generous is a really bad habit. My exH never let the words 'I can't afford it' pass his lips and probably still doesn't. :) The correct, adult way to resolve it is to have a family meeting with all the bank statements and bills etc., be quite open and unemotional about it.... no apportioning blame or getting annoyed about ex-wives' poverty pleas etc.... and make commitments all round on who contributes what where and when. But for some that is a step they simply cannot take.... and it's bad news if you happen to be saddled with one.

Yup, my DH is shit at money. I tried for years to get him to understand it all and take part in keeping track but got not very far. Now all of our free money is kept in my bank account, taken out in cash twice a week, left in a jar in the house and I pretty much control the bill paying. It sounds like a daft solution but it works for us. DH is happy because he doesn't have to attempt to understand it and I'm happy because there's less worry about the bills.

In terms of fiscal responsibilty he keeps receipts now, it's amazing what seeing how you've pissed your money away can do for you.

I know it's not the solution for everyone but if all other parts of your relationship are fine then you can't let this ruin it can you?

moneysense.natwest.com/Home/index.aspx?DCMP=OTC-moneysenseFURL

I'll be using this soon with DH who could/should take a far greater interest in what happens to our (modest) income - how it's spent, what our liabilities are etc. He doesn't spend a lot on himself - or mates - but never knows from one day to the next what are our financial situation is. Though to be fair, he works long hours on relatively low pay ..

Could you sit down with your DH and work on this - could you both see your own bank's financial advisor? Some kind of third party intervention - virtual or real - might help him and give you the support you deserve. The separate accounts are a good idea and the joint for bills, a kind of compulsory savings account, also.