How should dp and I share out our earnings?

[poshe]

I have a 4 yr old dd and work 3 days a week. Dp works full time. At the moment after paying bills he ops up my income so that we get the same amount left each. It works great apart from the fact that I am more likely to pay for various things e.g. dd's extra curric. activities clothes etc.
DP has just had a big pay rise. I earn £18K and he now earns £75K. This is a difference net of £1000 a month for him. I tentatively broached question of how we'd now allocate money. His reply was that he didn't want me wasting his money buyin dresses for dd.
On the one habd i resent him for thinking i need to earn my share for good behaviour plus I do most house work childcare. On the other hand, it's his money, he earned it.

So would it be fair to continue the 50/50 split or should he retain more for earning more.

I know that many people have joint accounts but we both like having our own.

You say "I have a DD" and "it's his money" both of which grate on me.

As a person with a joint account, I like to think of our lives as being as one. It's fine to have your own accounts with money to each spend as you wish, but I think you need to discuss what you each put into your life together.

Put all of your money in a joint account. Use this account to pay all bills, savings, dds stuff etc.

Have a monthly SO from joint account into your individual accounts for an equal amount for your spends.

We only have a joint account and never ever ever quibble about what eachother spends. I can't bear the thought of having a seperate account.
BUT, it works for you. o.k. so lets move on. I am staggered at his re-action to a recent payrise. Horrified. 12k seems alot for him to have.
but, have you broached it on a) but i need more, for her activities etc. add up what you spend and present him with evidence in a factual way. say i want £6 for this, £18 for her karate/horseriding etc etc .... and I, myself need this ( haircut/whatever) every 2 months, so I need £25.
Lets see him quibble with the actual figures, then !!!

Having had a bad experience with a financially irresponsible husband in the past, I think women should always have some money put by. So I think there should be 'my money', 'your money' and 'our money'.... and don't agree with pooling everything.

For the 'our money' part, work out a reasonable annual household budget for ALL the regular/irregular outgoings - including clothing, activites, holidays, Christmas presents, joint savings etc. - divide by 12 and submit that amount on a pro-rata basis from your incomes into a joint account. If he earns 75 to your 18 then he should contribute 80% of the funds and you 20%. Once all the household expenses are covered, the small amount you both have left you can save, spend, invest etc.

Is he not your DD's father?

When DH and I got married (and I became stepmother to his son who I then adopted) we opened a joint account for 'house and family'. It pays for everything for DSS and us all (and now our DS) without quibble. We worked out our incomes percentage (at that point I earned more than him as he was training) and put in that 'portion' of what we needed, meaning we kept the same portion back. When DH qualified his amount went up so he got about 50% more than I did but we both got 'spending money'. Didn't bother me as he earns his money, I earn mine and the house/family are provided for. I'm now a stay at home Mum and he pays more in, I'm not paying anything in. It doesn't bother either of us as WE pay for OUR family and that has always included ALL children even though DSS isn't mine.

Hi thanks for all advice. Hve read and digested.
Earwigging and unfitmother - I wouldn't place any significance in me writing 'I have a dd' was just rushing to write post before dinner.

We put money into our joint account sufficient to pay for all bills, kids clothes, holidays, presents etc, such that we have equal amounts to " spend" each month.

I will never understand an uneven split where money is concerned. We pool all our money and then each get pocket money into our own accounts of exactly the same amount which is for us. Money for clothes comes from the joint pot as they're essentials in the same way bills are.

Personally I would send him an invoice for the extra childcare and cleaning you do. He wouldn't be earning the wage he does without you doing what you do at home.

One bank account for all the money, then planned budgeted spending. We have had different levels of earnings over th years but only ever 1 account and have decided on all outgoings depending on how well we were doing.