DH allowance?

[DizzyKipper]

I'm trying to find out how common giving your DH an allowance actually is - I was quite discussing some of my money worries with some work colleagues and was quite surprised when this came up as a suggestion.

In brief I was talking about how hard I'm finding it to pay for things at the moment, and how I'd recently been the recipient of some rather "unpleasant letters". I was going through the ways in which I could cut down on current costs and the person I was talking to said quite simply "give your OH an allowance". It kind of threw me - I'd already brought up the issue of him budgeting his earnings with him but I don't really like the idea of prescribing him an "allowance" each month (seems somewhat demeaning to me, although that said he's actually been asking me to take over his finances for him as he can't be trusted with it himself!). I said about not liking the idea and she referred to another person who also seemed to have no issue with talking about how she prescribed her DH an allowance, and it got me wondering how common this actually is?

So more a general question about what people think of budgeting DHs and giving them an 'allowance'. Does any one here do it? What was it that led you to doing this - was he out of control and overspending your finances? Or were you both in serious debt issues and just needed to do something about it?

It depends on how you normally share out the money. When DH was a SAHD we split the money into 3. One part went into the joint account for the bills. One part went into my account for my travel/lunches/clothes etc and one part went into DH's account for his personal use. We used to refer to it as his "beer money". Originally we did this so DH didn't feel he needed to account for every penny he spent from the joint account. It also meant I didn't need to know how much he was spending on my birthday presents.

Now we are both working, we keep back about the same amount each per month in our own accounts, we contribute the same amount to the joint account and the rest is put into savings. It's not cast in stone, money flows between accounts when there is the need (big bills etc) Some expenses don't come out of the joint e.g. childcare comes out of mine, but that is because it was easier to set up an automatic payment from my bank that the joint account one, and also I earn quite a bit more than DH at the moment.

The transfers are all automatic. 3 or 4 days after we are paid the money shuffle happens. We both know when it is so we know, roughly, how much should be in our accouts at any given time.

It works for us because, even though all money is joint, we have autonomy over the little day to day expenses. I don't need to budget for his nights down the pub when doing the shopping. He doesn't need to factor in whether or not there's a gas bill coming up when he works out whether or not he can go to a gig. It also means that, because we have roughly the same amount of 'personal' money each month, there's no resentment of the higher paid partner having more disposable income than the lower paid one.

My DH is crap with money for many reasons whereas I'm more organised so have always dealt with all the household bills.

We had reached the point where his income had dropped but he was still spending as much and was very overdrawn. He handed over his bank card and I started getting us straight but then he bypassed it by going into the branch with his chequebook and ID. I found out when I went to pay bills and he'd maxed out the overdraft

After a huge row that nearly split us, I gave an ultimatum and he stopped doing it. On payday, I transfer an amount into another account (that has no overdraft option) which covers his fares and agreed day to day spending. Any extras he asks for.

It's taken a lot of years and heartache to reach this point and others may have walked away agreed day to day spending. Any extras he asks for.

It's taken a lot of years and heartache to reach this point and others may have walked away, but we're doing ok now.

It's not perfect, and some might say I'm enabling him by taking control but I am not prepared to risk the roof over our heads.

Oops not sure what happened there

If your husband has asked for you to take over the finances, and he is happy to have an allowance, it might be worth giving it a go and see how you get on.
It does not need to be demeaning.
I am a SAHM, my DH transfers money to my account each month, which is for me, we then have a joint account and my Dh has his own account. It works for us.

Thanks girls, good to get some feedback. I'm getting very wrung out by all the money issues (I have a history of depression since early childhood, I seem to have changed enough now that no matter how bad it gets I don't fall back into it - that doesn't stop the feeling sometimes like it's trying to grab ahold and drag me back in though).

He earns more than me but he has more debts, so we pay for everything 50/50 - he pays the rent and I do everything else (which also means he only has 1 payment to worry about whilst I have the other 10 or so ). Technically we don't really have "disposable income" after paying for bills etc. as we need to pay off the debts asap at the same time as trying to save up for a wedding (due to my dad's current health issues we've decided we can't postpone the date and really need to make a wedding happen somehow this year - which doesn't really help with our finances).

We'd discussed him taking out "play money" from his account and keeping it in a jar in his office. The amount he has to spend is then tangible rather than letting him convince himself of an infinite reserve in his bank account. We've actually done this with our food budget as well, plastic cards are absolutely banned for buying any food with. It'll hopefully keep us within the food budget that way.

I think, after reading your replies, I should go for it. It came out recently that he hasn't paid one of his debts for the last few months, he's also borrowed quite a substantial amount from me, and there's also another few hundred unaccounted for that he's withdrawn from his account - I know it's been flittered away and we really need to stop that from happening.

Thanks again

We each get weekly spending money into our sole accounts each week by standing order. DH gets £25 and me £15 as he likes a trip to the pub once a week and I just go for a cheap lunch at the pub with work.

My husband and I have both been left in a lot of debt by our exes which we will still be paying off for the next three years (we have been together 3, married 2).

My husband leaves me with overall control of the finances. I worked out how much was needed in his sole account to pay "his" bills, and I have internet banking for my sole and our joint account.

What I tend to do is take cash out for the food shopping and petrol and "going out" and put it in an envelope (each marked) so either of us can use it. Hubby always asks me if we can afford for him to take money out of it though, but then he worries about leaving the kids short.