Feeling the pressure....... (feel free to ignore, just need to rant)

[LoveMyGirls]

I know eveyone is, I'm getting tension headaches a lot of the time which doesn't help.

Just need to vent.

I know the mess we are in is our own fault. We should have spent the year paying our credit cards off and saving but instead we hoped for the best and went on a couple of long weekends away which I know now was silly but that's the benefit of hindsight isn't it, we didn't know our cars would have problem after problem, mine set fire in june and the money I borrowed to replace it is another weight around my neck but I needed a car for my business and thought I would be able to pay it back but since I brought the car I have had to spend money getting tyres, a cat, a clutch and a few other problems as well, only the other week I had to have spark plugs, a coil pack and some wires and that came to over £100. Now dh car has had brakes (pads and discs) and needs a new starter motor so will cost over £200 this week.

Christmas has cost a fortune as well even though I have tried not to go mad and have cut down on who I buy for, I've said I don't want presents I just want time off work and to relax with my family and friends but just taking time off is losing me over £1000 in wages

Dd1 is 11 and goes to the best school in the area which is great, I'm so pleased she got in but it's not close enough for her to make her own way so the petrol and wear and tear on the car and also when I don't have a car because its in the garage again causes us a great deal of stress, dd is a normal 11yr old and wants everything, like last week wanted the same coat as everyone else and even though we made her take the coat she already had she wasn't wearing it so was freezing, she got an ear infection and was full of cold so I brought her the coat she wanted, now this week we have a family party and she wants a new dress, I've explained to her that she has clothes to wear, it's not ideal but she does have clothes and I do not have any money, she complained we brought dd2 a dress last week for her christmas play (and also to wear to this party) but dd2 has had a growth spurt and had nothing to wear.

I think it boils down to the fact I feel duty bound to everyone eg I spent more than I could afford on my sisters present because she is cooking our christmas dinner and I know she will spend a lot because she only uses the best stuff, like the best butchers the best supermarket stuff etc and so even if I offered to pay for some of it, it wouldn't make much a dent in what she will have spent.

I have to go to this family meal tomorrow and it will cost money on drinks I don't have and a contribution towards the present, again money I don't have.

I just wish I could say no to spending money while we get back on our feet, I've been trying to do that for the past few months but something happens where I don't have a choice, like the cars breaking down etc

Maybe it should be my new years resolution, just say no?

But then we have another family party to go to in January and that requires travelling and drinks so that won't be cheap and I can't not go because it's a party for a special birthday, as is the party we're going to tomorrow.

I feel so guilty I'm losing money over christmas but I do really need the break as well but I don't want to spend the whole time worrying about money

I think practicing the phrase 'we can't afford it' and getting it out nice and firmly is incredibly important if you don't have unlimited access to cash. Especially important that children understand that you can't always pay for things because they won't appreciate the coat or the dress or the oodles of other stuff you've bought them otherwise. We all want nice things for ourselves and our loved ones but there's a time for generosity and frivolity and a time for being grown-up about reality and reigning back.

Gifts to others should only be what you can afford to give, they're not 'quid pro quo' and no-one should be keeping a scoresheet. Would hate to think your sister is expecting to be reimbursed for cooking you a nice meal. But if she is, then be up front. Tell her you have money problems this year and can't afford much. Same goes for the important family party.... I'm sure whoever's throwing it doesn't want you to suffer financial hardship as a result.

But, above all, remind yourself daily that not having enough money is not a crime, not a cause for guilt and no reason for shame. And then be very, very selective in future about what & who you spend money on. Good luck

I have done all those things, everyone knows how broke we are, how in debt we are but even if they try to help for eg my mum knew we couldn't afford the family meal so offered to pay for our dc's so we would only have to buy the drinks and pay for our own meal, which would still cost around £70 but we agreed to it because its a special occasion and I would have been the only grandchild not to attend if we didn't go and I didn't think for the sake of £70 it was worth the upset. Since then we have had so many car troubles, it mounts up to about £400 at least. The problem is not access to cash because we have an overdraught it is just that everything mounts up and before we know it we are stupidly overdrawn so then every penny we spend is taking us further into debt and I feel awful and guilty.

I know I need to be stronger and say no to things that cost money. Because we need to save a rainy day fund because it rains quite a lot.

This year alone we have replaced my car, the oven, dishwasher (i tried to not replace it but after 3 mths and washing up for 8 people per day it was too much on top of everything else - I'm a childminder), tumble dryer, shower......obviously had we have known all those things would break in 1 year we would not have spent money on other things.

I'm going to be so strict next year! It will be my resolution, we will not agree to spend money on anything that is not essential.

Crikey, you earn £1,000 net in a week?

What do you do?

Sorry everything is getting on top of you BTW. Its rotten when everything happens at once.