How can I change my financial ways?

[littlebylittle]

We have a decent income (£3000 per month take home, nearly £1900 bills and standing orders)but we are just about managing. I'm a bit shocked and cross with myself when I look at the figures - we should be able to do much better and I'm sad we're I think I could really change our family finances if I stopped spending little bits of money here and there. Never go out and spend £50 but spend little bits, £5-10 far too often. Usually when stressed - emotional spending I guess. I think I know what to do, ie stop spending the little bits of money, but it need a complete shift in how I've always operated - basically if it's there spend it. I want to save and I certainly want to heve money left over, I think it should be there. Any tips on how I get my mind set shifted so that when the novelty wears off and I get stressed I don't give into temptation. Similar approach to changing my diet long term I imagine, only with money.
Look forward to ideas.

Easiest way is to go cold turkey. Don't take cards out with you, only have budget of x for the week in cash. Having a tiny limit really focuses the mind on whether you REALLY want something or not. It's amazing how easy it is to break the pattern once you start really considering the money. And also when you're more conscious of why you're spending.
You know the old adage- if you do something for 21 days in a row, it becomes a habit.

I don't know how to help with the stress spending, except I tell myself "don't". It mostly works, but I have to avoid shops when I feel like that. And be so disciplined it hurts!

I found it was quite cathartic to make an excel sheet of all the regular obligations - direct debits, standing orders etc etc - every single one including the o/draft interest and the bank account fee thing.

Once I could work out what was left each month, I split that into weekly portions. You could do smaller portions so you have a 'leftover' at the end of the month, but try to forget you do that. If you're anything like me, I'd still be spending, knowing I have the buffer, even though it's supposed to be clearing my overdraft (savings? I wish )

Get out the budget on a given day, then leave the bank card at home until the same time the following week. You have to be so brave and disciplined though, because once the cash is gone, TS!

It really helps me to see the money disappearing. I'm a sucker for dishing out my debit card left right and centre and forgetting I've bought stuff.

Also, if there is anything left at the end of each week, you could treat yourself. Safe in the knowledge there's still a bit you haven't spent sitting in the bank. I always used to do it on a Monday morning, so I could spend the leftovers at the weekend. No leftovers, no night out. Or new shoes. Or chocolate.

Hope you get some more ideas from people. Just realised that none of what I've said is mindset. Sorry. Will think that through.

And just realised how long that post was

Work out how much you need for your basics plus small amount extra per week, and take that out of bank in cash once a week. Only spend this! It really works - voice of experience here.

Only go to very cheap places for treats. Or make a game of finding very cheap treats in more expensive shops. You can only use some of your weekly cash amount for these treats though - no cheating

Leave all plastic at home - cash only.

Then transfer another amount every week into a hard-to-access savings account, and have a fabulous big goal for this money.

Once you've stuck to this regime for a month or three, you'll be feeling much richer, your mental maths will be vastly improved ( you have to add stuff up in shops before you buy it to make sure you've got enough cash!), and you'll be an expert on bargains: finding a really fab bargain will be your new treat

Also, write down absolutely everything you spend over the course of a month. It's really easy then to look over it then and look for patterns, see it all in black and white where your money's gone. Then you can say were those little bits and pieces really better than having x in total to spend on savings, holiday etc. In hindsight, would I rather have had these rather than the money?
Good luck! It's hard to do but a great feeling when you change your habit. I speak from experience :)

Thank you! Went to supermarket with cash yesterday and good to see cash recommended by others. Really stuck to my list for fear of embarrassment at checkout! Have made a list of where I think I fritter worst and to see all the little things together on paper makes them seem like a big one! Think I'm going to hand over debit card to dh. I know how I am with food and if it's not in the house I don't eat it so maybe I need similar approach to cash. Not crash diet, a little treat each week. I am just about to go back to work and I think the thing that shoved me into action is that I don't want that money to be frittered, used either for necessities of hopefully for a few frills for the family. Also the idea that we have calmer time at ends of month. Have to accept that we're still unlikely to go to Barbados, but being solvent and calm about money is pretty big luxury I think.

Sounds perfect. I think you'll do great Little :D

I think you've got it off to a great start little! Good luck with it all.

Can I just say, I discovered that Home Bargains shop yesterday. 6-packs of crisps for 60p!!! I might have found a way of getting foodie treats back into my shopping list

all good ideas. I am pleased with what i have done so far, but i also know myself well enough that it's the sticking to it in stressful times that I'm not so good at. Need to leave card at home - that will be the absolute key to it succeeding long term.

Good luck lbyl. You sound a bit like me. Every week I vow to get a bank statement out and set a budget for our food shop, and essential expenses and then set a frugal amount for pocket money for me and dh. We still haven't done this as I think our time together when kids are asleep is too precious to use on such a cheerless task or I'm too tired or someone phones. However I've read some of the sensible suggestions above and I think withdrawing cash and limiting your spending is the only way to do it.

little, have you looked at Money Saving Expert forums? Full of brilliant money saving ideas. Well worth a look with many many helpful posters giving adivce, people who've been where you are, or are currently going through the same. Really inspiring.

thanks! miraculously, dh has come on board with the cash thing. He always wants to cut down but he is able to be more abstract with money than I am. We're drawing out an amount each week for shopping etc, have worked out how much non direct debit expenses like car should be and set up direct debit to a sole account we rarely use. We also have a tin in the kitchen now and from the cash I've got for the week, I'm putting money in there for things I've had to write cheques for or bought online, eg tesco shop this week and birthday present. Then will draw out less cash next week and use the tin money. Also really watched everything I spent on supermarket - really felt the connection between savings there being treats or at least staying in the black at end of month, where often I've thought everything else is tight at least we'll have nice food. Dh drew the line at own brand ketchup, but I'm working on it!! Early days and I have to be careful about when the novelty wears off - bit like changing eating habits I guess.
Wondered if anyone wanted a little support thread for people doing similar "austerity measures"?

I've enjoyed reading this and am going to try the Monday morning cash-out thing. I deal with all our finances and have all the money paid into my account. I am angry and upset with myself every month as we are very lucky with our income and our DDs amount to just a third of our income. We (I) should be able to put by a substantial amount each month but it's just not happening.
My income goes in at different times of the month, rather than in a lump sum, which I think contributes to the problem. I've even tried transferring all of it apart from the DDs to another account and living off that (leaving the next month's money to accrue) but it didn't work.

Cash must be the answer. We are going on a big holiday over Xmas and I don't want to be strapped for spending money. Will follow thread in case of more suggestions.

I've even considered going to a bankruptcy adviser and asking them if they will treat me as if I'm bankrupt and dole out money for me!

I would do what they call a Statement of Account (SOA) and look split your expenses into two columns.

You can do little about your fixed costs either in the short or medium term. Your council tax for instance is fixed and your mortgage is fixed in the short term but not in the medium term. Food shopping however is a variable cost as is Sky TV and your utility expenses to a degree.

Sensible and bulk buying can reduce some costs by 1/3rd to 1/2. I have for instance just filled up on Radox shower gel at 60p a unit against a normal retail price of £1.50/2.00 and I have about 6 months supply. In 6 months or before, Asda will have another offer on the same thing or similar and I will restock. Thus, out of offer, I am still using it at the offer price. Same goes for all non perishables.

It really does make a difference but it requires careful budgeting as your bulk purchases have to be paid for by clawing back from future budgets, to fund the next bulk purchase.

Things become much clearer when you put them all down on paper or better in a spreadsheet.

hello again. Still doing okay here. Wrote everything down last week. I was cynical about this for ages thinking I would just play the system by cutting down dramatically when doing it. Which has happened, but even then I found the little things added up. And then I had to make a decision whether I really had wanted those things (all told only a tenner) and decided that actually in the bigger picture I didn't.
Blip this am - went to someone's house for coffee and got extension and nice new things envy! But they're not planning another baby and their career choices are different. And who knows how they pay for it. The point is we haven't got the money for it at the moment so we can't spend it. Otherwise in five years I'll have worn out things to show for it instead of less mortgage, nice holiday memories, or just keeping in the black. There, that's me spoken to!!
Just done online shop and really shaved it down to what we needed and only bought bulk where on offer. It's a bit unreal at the mo because there's a fair stockpile of stuff in our house but I have nearly halved our grocery bills by careful meal planning and looking for best prices.
Will take tip on bulk buying and look out for the good offers. Does ASDA do all of it's offers online as well as instore? And where else is good for that kind of thing?